# Did key parties actually exist? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [February 26, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326 "2014-02-26T16:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/61 "2014-03-02T16:35:48Z")
Unless a high schooler is personally involved in something, their theories of what happens among their peers- or their teachers or anyone else- is pretty much worthless. When I was in high school, I would have confidently told you that the English teacher spiked his morning coffee with whiskey, the Spanish teacher was sleeping with students, and one girl once pulled a train with the entire football team. Now that I am a little smarter, I realize that none of these things are true. But teenagers love to spread rumors, especially when they have to do with sex, and they fall for every urban legend out there. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/62 "2014-03-02T23:09:41Z")
> [@tim-n-va](#): > > Probably but if you have a group of people willing to “indulge”, the randomness of the pairing via keys could be less stressful than almost any other way which could leave someone “last picked”. Not if [Wiki’s description](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Group_sex#Key_party) is correct, as it seems to indicate that only one gender puts in their keys. That means that whoever goes last is still last in the pecking order, unless they throw in some other randomizing method to determine the order. It would seem better to set it up where each couple puts in one set of keys, and you just go with the appropriate partner, making it the other partner’s turn to choose. That leaves the partner of the first person unable to be picked, but that person would just go with the partner of the last person picked, which would still be random. Then the only additional randomness needed is who gets to pick first, and we have many systems for randomly picking one person out of a group. The bigger problem I see is that a lot of key sets would look the same. And if you’re going to have to label the keys, why not just use the labels themselves? ---
**Author:** ![UDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecae2f/32.png) [@UDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UDS)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/63 "2014-03-03T06:33:18Z")
The point about a (supposed) key party was that you _didn’t_ know who’s keys were who’s, surely? By engaging in a key party, you were committing to sex with a randomly-selected person. That was what was so naughtily transgressive about it. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/64 "2014-03-03T07:48:37Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > The point about a (supposed) key party was that you _didn’t_ know who’s keys were who’s, surely? By engaging in a key party, you were committing to sex with a randomly-selected person. That was what was so naughtily transgressive about it. My point is that the person who owns the keys has to be able to know that they belong to them. The movies I’d seen that used it had all the keys in a bowl, and you drew for them, just like you might for slips of paper for a sweepstakes. ---
**Author:** ![UDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecae2f/32.png) [@UDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UDS)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/65 "2014-03-03T08:20:23Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > My point is that the person who owns the keys has to be able to know that they belong to them. The movies I’d seen that used it had all the keys in a bowl, and you drew for them, just like you might for slips of paper for a sweepstakes. Yes, but everybody can recognise their own car keys, surely? Obviously you don’t draw your own keys or, if you do, you put them back and draw another set. But the whole point is that you shouldn’t know, when you draw a set of keys, who they belong to. If people were actually going to choose their partners, you could dispense with the car keys altogether. The car keys are an anonymising mechanism. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/66 "2014-03-03T09:11:50Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > But the whole point is that you shouldn’t know, when you draw a set of keys, who they belong to. If people were actually going to choose their partners, you could dispense with the car keys altogether. The car keys are an anonymising mechanism. That is exactly why tempers flared among the neighborhood men whenever [John Holmes](http://bystanderblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/100_2050.jpg) and his wife attended. ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/67 "2014-03-03T16:23:27Z")
> [@doorhinge](#): > > Puce is a color? > > Celery seems safe enough. Someone buys you brunch. I like brunch. > > The “my little pony” will get you flagged as a child molester. > > Combining electrical tape and a teddy bear gets you an introduction to FBI agents, with dark red hankies worn on the left, trying to solve a child kidnapping. And if you’re a real celebrity, do you really need to flag for it? Or conversely, if you need to flag for it, are you really a celebrity? (Also, if YouTube had Mel Brooks at the metal detector in _High Anxiety_ I’d totally link it here.) > [@even\_sven](#): > > Unless a high schooler is personally involved in something, their theories of what happens among their peers- or their teachers or anyone else- is pretty much worthless. For that matter, if a teenager does claim to be personally involved in something, particularly something that will shock the adults, a grain of salt is well-advised there too. (I’m next to positive I had a history teacher with a drinking problem, but there’s evidence beyond the rumor.) ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/68 "2014-03-03T16:50:18Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > The point about a (supposed) key party was that you _didn’t_ know who’s keys were who’s, surely? By engaging in a key party, you were committing to sex with a randomly-selected person. That was what was so naughtily transgressive about it. That’s my impression also. Over the years, I’ve known two couples who openly discussed being involved in “wife-swapping” clubs. I don’t know if they “knew” each other. One lived on the south side of Chicago and the other lived NW of Chicago. I’ve never heard the term “key party” but it sounds like there the same thing. The object was to have sex with someone different but in a disease-free environment. “Lookin’ for some strange” was the term the men used. The women said they just wanted something different. Both sides said they didn’t want to end up getting divorced over meaningless (to them) sexual encounters so they agreed to the club-type scenario. The “keys” were simply a way to insure a random selection. No different than drawing names out of a hat or several rounds of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock. ---
**Author:** ![manwithnobrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@manwithnobrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithnobrain)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/69 "2014-03-03T17:18:14Z")
Were you supposed to throw your house or car keys in that bowl? If it’s the latter, I’ll definitely make sure my next car has a ‘keyless go’ option-most of my married friends, have rather ugly wives… People I know with attractive wives, would most certainly throw ‘pool boy cleaner cards’ or ‘big sausage pizza delivery recipies’ in that bowl… ---
**Author:** ![johnspartan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/70 "2014-03-03T18:09:18Z")
Apparently it’s fairly common in The Villages, FL… which is a elderly / retirement community _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/71 "2014-03-03T20:55:25Z")
> [@LarkingPot](#): > > I’m sure I’ll regret asking this, but what on JEBUS HISSELF’s Earth would be considered valid certified proof by you? > > A video or film containing the entire party with no cuts starting from the people arriving at the party and depositing their keys in the bowl or whatever followed by the drinking and smoking of pot, snorting cocaine to get ‘loosened’ up, then on to the grand grabbing at keys at random from the bowl, followed by the pairing up and moving to various bedrooms etc and then undressing and fucking and sucking, followed by everyone getting dressed and bidding each other semi awkward goodbyes? > _Last edited by LarkingPot; 02-28-2014 at 02:59 AM… Reason: changed word, guess which one!!!_ I give up. Which? ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/72 "2014-03-03T21:02:49Z")
don’t get upset if you don’t get an answer. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/73 "2014-03-03T21:11:59Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > don’t get upset if you don’t get an answer. Wow, I feel like I’m in that old Samurai movie where someone just got his head cut and you only are aware of it when a puff of wind topples it. Shit happens fast around here. After looking at his posts, I went to ATMB with the same question, and it got weirder. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/74 "2014-03-04T00:38:40Z")
If you pulled out your own keys, I assume you got another go. ---
**Author:** ![buddy431](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@buddy431](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddy431)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/75 "2014-03-04T06:01:24Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > If you pulled out your own keys, I assume you got another go. Or maybe you just sleep with your own wife that night? ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/76 "2014-03-05T01:58:55Z")
> [@buddy431](#): > > Or maybe you just sleep with your own wife that night? Pervert. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/77 "2014-03-05T09:21:51Z")
So how large a bowl should I bring to the next DopeFest? ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/78 "2014-03-05T13:22:02Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Jelly Bracelet parties are real. I have a friend whose younger sister recently graduated high school on Long Island, and he claims she said these things really happen. OK, I’m convinced. That’s all the confirmation I need! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/79 "2014-03-05T14:29:25Z")
I’m guessing that since we’re talking about the 70’s, only the men would be putting car keys in a bowl. Back then, if the men arrived with their wives, the guys were the ones who drove. Then only wives would pick from the bowl. I also guess that a women would have a good chance of recognizing her husbands keys and be able to avoid picking them. ---
**Author:** ![Yask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Yask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yask)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326/80 "2014-03-06T14:49:35Z")
They exist today, they’re a fun idea, and it’s a bit presumptuous to think noone came up with the idea until now. So of course they existed, though maybe under a different name/mechanism. The only actual ‘key parties’ we’ve gone to were seventies-themed parties (but even then the ‘keys’ were party props supplied by our hosts). But people in the lifestyle are a creative bunch, so the thought of a random mixing can be just as titillating as a more straightforward party. Most of the seemingly random pairing is play-based. As in a bunch of party games where winners were paired off. Those are fun because there’s a bit of participation involved and it’s more than just a two-second process of picking out of a hat. So the only way these wouldn’t have happened in the 70s is if someone came up with them in the 80s. The 80s weren’t that creative. There also not super-secret parties, but thehy’re not really public. There are lots of public parties (and many of those too have lots of games and ideas to get couples to mix) and you get to know people in the lifestyle. And from those mini-clicks and friendships smaller groups are formed, and fun is had. Think about the activities you do and how many small groups of friends emerge. It’s pretty much the same. You generally know whose going to be at soandso’s dinner party and can decide if everyone is acceptable. There’s no difference. I’ve never heard of one that was neighborhood-based, but the internet has been around for a long time now so there’s no reason to. I have no idea how people got together in the past, but the lifestyle predates computers. Also, lots of people at parties end up sleeping with their spouses. It’s no big deal, and means we either got carried away with each other or didn’t find the right connection that night. Just because you’re at a party doesn’t mean you have to play, and just because you’re in the lifestyle doesn’t mean you don’t sleep with each other. Kind of the opposite, really. Couples in a healthy relationship tend to have LOTS of sex. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-key-parties-actually-exist/682326.md?page=3)