# Did the Groom of the Stool literally have to wipe the royal bum? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 5, 2025, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587 "2025-01-05T17:55:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/41 "2025-01-07T17:11:43Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I didn’t have the video… In a thread about royal butt wipers, I am _quite_ okay with you not having video! ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/42 "2025-01-07T17:14:39Z")
I am surprised that no one yet has shared the story of how [Edmund II died](https://toilet-guru.com/blog/64.html). > Thus it happened: one night, this great and powerful king having occasion to retire to the house for relieving the calls of nature, the son of the ealdorman Edric, by his father’s contrivance, concealed himself in the pit, and stabbed the king twice from beneath with a sharp dagger, and leaving the weapon fixed in his bowels, made his escape. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/43 "2025-01-07T17:19:18Z")
Talk about being a pain in the ass! ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/44 "2025-01-07T17:21:42Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > > [@hajario](#): > > > > U.S. Presidents have the same protocol > > What’s the logic ? > Obviously dictators who intend to rule forever want to hide any sign of medical weakness\*. I have the same question. What can they learn that would be useful? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/45 "2025-01-07T18:13:45Z")
Medical information is all I can think of. DNA would be easy enough to get in other ways. ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/46 "2025-01-07T19:08:55Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUBv.2](#): > > I also remember the episode that talked about guests defecating all over Whitehall. If people were appalled, they sure didn’t act like it and the king apparently allowed it. I also recall reading that those nice big galleries in Versailles were originally filled in with wood construction, two stories of apartments for the thousands of courtiers and their servants, etc. With a lack of indoor plumbing and a long distance to go to outdoors, apparently for some of them finding a quiet corner for a one or two was par for the course. After all, it wasn’t their place. Even today, driving the highways of India, you can see where huge rows of almost standard-sized discs of cow dung are left to dry in the sun after being shaped. It’s a fuel for cooking. After all, it’s more available, less work and cheaper than any alternative. > [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I’m a country kid, and there’s a big difference between the smells of dung from plant eaters (stinky, but not icky) and omnivores. Try stepping into a cow or horse stable, and compare it to a pig stable (gah!). There’s a scene in _Road to Wellville_ where Dr. John Harvey Kellogg boasts about only eating whole grains, “My own stools, Sir, are gigantic and have no more odor than a hot biscuit” ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/47 "2025-01-07T21:50:53Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Medical information is all I can think of. DNA would be easy enough to get in other ways. Medical information, in general, is supposed to be extremely private information. I cannot give a factual answer about DNA, but the DOD has always been keeping track of research on next-gen bioweapons. Also, would _you_ go around giving DNA (+ stool) samples, for unknown purposes, to people who do not have your best interests at heart? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2025, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/48 "2025-01-07T22:14:21Z")
I might fling some shit at them ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2025, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/49 "2025-01-08T05:27:23Z")
I believe Kim Jong-Un and his sister also travel with their own commode so that their waste can safety travel back to North Korea with them. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2025, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/50 "2025-01-08T22:34:27Z")
> [@DPRK](#): > > Also, would _you_ go around giving DNA (+ stool) samples, for unknown purposes, to people who do not have your best interests at heart? Um, yes? I mean, I do it all the time, as does anyone else who’s not head of government for a nation. ---
**Author:** ![zimaane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a3d4f5/32.png) [@zimaane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zimaane)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2025, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/51 "2025-01-08T22:49:06Z")
Right, you had to be pretty high ranking to get the job, and there was competition for it. Even though it was not pleasant, the Groom of the Stool had the monarch’s undivided attention for at least several minutes every day. The Groom could talk to the King about relatives who needed jobs or money, or put in an argument for one side or another in a dispute, etc… ---
**Author:** ![Mikestone8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Mikestone8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikestone8)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2025, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/52 "2025-01-09T12:17:29Z")
At all events, I suppose wiping it would be a little better than _kissing_ it, which I’m sure went on all the time at court. ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2025, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/53 "2025-01-10T01:01:39Z")
I have a book, _THe Lisle Letters_ which is a condenstation of a six volume compilation of the letters of Lord Lise. He was one of the last of the Plataganets, administrator of Emglish Calais. Henry VIII was well aware of his dad’s tenuous claim to the throne and paranoid about possible contenders. He had Lisle arrested and all his letters seized and they sat in the royal archives for centuries. The letters demonstrate a massive giftocracy, where nobles contended for royl favour by assorted gestures, including rich and exotic gifts. (Eel pie, unusual furs, jewelry and other notable baubles, etc.) IIRC Jack Horner, for example, earned his place in Mother Goose rhyme by stealing a deed for some prime property, which was the “plum” baked into a pie to be presented to Henry VIII. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2025, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/54 "2025-01-10T17:25:58Z")
> [@md-2000](#): > > Eel pie When it comes to wiping the King’s arse - and I say this as a most loyal citizen of His Majesty’s kingdom - or eating eel pie… … that royal rectum is going to be exceptionally clean. ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2025, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/55 "2025-01-10T18:51:54Z")
Offices under the Crown could be lucrative for their holders - indeed officials were expected to supplement their meagre official salaries with scams and rakeoffs of various kinds, which was why they were sought after, and anyone would have been thought a fool for not looking out for his own interest. Samuel Pepys bought the office of the previous Clerk of the Acts, and received an offer of £1000 to be bought out himself within a few weeks, which he seriously considered. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2025, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/56 "2025-01-10T19:48:22Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I am surprised that no one yet has shared the story of how [Edmund II died](https://toilet-guru.com/blog/64.html). That hits the topic I was going to mention. Consider that kind often lived in a world where they had to be worried about literally being stabbed in the back. Now consider how vulnerable you are when you take a seat to relieve yourself. You’d want anyone around to be very trustworthy, too. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2025, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/57 "2025-01-11T07:13:27Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I am surprised that no one yet has shared the story of how [Edmund II died](https://toilet-guru.com/blog/64.html). A strange foreshadowing of what’s said to have happened to Edward III (albeit that wasn’t to do with his toilet habits) ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2025, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/58 "2025-01-11T23:43:49Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > A strange foreshadowing of what’s said to have happened to Edward III (albeit that wasn’t to do with his toilet habits) I’ve heard two versions - a red hot poker, and pouring in molten lead; in both versions, a funnel was used so no external injuries were obvious. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanubv.2/32/3260_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUBv.2)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2025, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/59 "2025-01-12T05:15:25Z")
Wasn’t it Edward II that allegedly died by hot poker? I probably have it totally wrong, but I thought he was (allegedly) killed that way in reference to his (again, alleged) homosexuality. Also and more importantly, the Monarch Song confirms it: “Henry Three built the abbey, Ed One hated Scots A red hot poker killed Ed Two, that must have hurt him lots” ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2025, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587/60 "2025-01-14T21:00:42Z")
It seems that even Egyptian Pharaohs recognized the value of a good _poo tender_ > **[Shepherd of the Royal Anus](https://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/comments/shepherd_of_the_royal_anus/)** > > Strange job title. 'Shepherd of the Royal Anus' (neru pehut) was a title held by several court physicians in Ancient Egypt, including [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-the-groom-of-the-stool-literally-have-to-wipe-the-royal-bum/1012587.md?page=4)