# Did/Would you marry someone with a high potential for chronic illness?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-would-you-marry-someone-with-a-high-potential-for-chronic-illness/596928>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [September 20, 2011, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-would-you-marry-someone-with-a-high-potential-for-chronic-illness/596928 "2011-09-20T11:38:15Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\
**Post date:** [September 23, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-would-you-marry-someone-with-a-high-potential-for-chronic-illness/596928/41 "2011-09-23T03:36:55Z")

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> [@J0hn\_th\_n\_D\_oh](#):
>
> I’ve been thinking hard lately and I think I might have to break up with my fiancee. She’s only 25, but she seems to be hospitalized about twice a year with some kind of dangerous infection.
> 
> I feel like a bastard for thinking of abandoning her. In a world full of backstabbers and thieves, it’s rare to find someone as genuinely honest and kind as her, not to mention our personalities are such a great match. I guess “soulmate” is the word.
> 
> But I don’t want to spend my life taking care of someone medically.

I’m with you there. Although, taking care of somebody medically for a lifetime may not be so bad. The longer you spend with them, caring for them, the more you may love them. But, if you do…and they die…well, you’re on your own, heartbroken, and the sadness is compounded by their helplessness. Most people don’t need the sadness of losing somebody that has had a good life; of losing ones that were weak…the word for the grief felt, I have found, is inexpressible.  
I say that you should get somebody that is in supreme health.  
One can let their own life revolve around somebody that has a chronic illness, but, I say that you may as well have a happy/happy life, not a happy/poignantly sad life.  
Saving yourself a supreme sorrow is what you’ll be doing. Walk away. (This is based on the assumption that she has a chronic illness, not just a bad year.)

hh

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**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\
**Post date:** [September 23, 2011, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-would-you-marry-someone-with-a-high-potential-for-chronic-illness/596928/42 "2011-09-23T03:38:21Z")

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> [@neuroman](#):
>
> Johnathan,
> 
> You need to have a little talk with your fiancee about this to get more information. Obviously, don’t phrase it as “so, I was thinking about dumping you, and wanted to ask a few questions…”
> 
> Instead, say “I’ve been thinking a bit lately about how you sometimes wind up going to the hospital once or twice a year, which is a little unusual for someone our age. I was wondering if there’s anything more you can tell me about these illnesses, or whether there’s any condition or diagnosis that you can share with me.”
> 
> Then shut up and listen. And then come back here and tell us what she said. 😃

Actually, he should record it (surreptitiously, of course:D) and post it on Youtube!

hh

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