# Did you ever get gayness in your eye, Gabriel? It buuurns. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 31, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195 "2003-07-31T19:02:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/1 "2003-07-31T19:02:30Z")
This is a rant about all those damn bastards who keep throwing their gayness all over me! Some complete twit yesterday _ruined_ my grimy jeans yesterday by turning them into clean, form-fitting low-riders. I won’t even get into what happened to my plaid shirt! Then that pansy threw it all over my hair, absolutely destroying my mullet! Its taken me years to grow that! Oh and now my rusty pickup truck has been turned into a Volvo complete with HRC bumper sticker! This really has to stop, folks! Please keep your gayness to yourself, or I’ll be forced to sue for my aggregate laundry bill! Any lesbians willing to help counteract these effects? ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/2 "2003-07-31T19:09:15Z")
Umm yeah… slice out one “yesterday” from the second sentence and repeat three times “Revisions are your friends!” ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/3 "2003-07-31T19:12:07Z")
I been in hiding for awhile from those gays. Just one _look_ from them back when I ws in college experimenting with the leader of my church group sent my backside reeling…so now I stay away from them because I don’t want that thing doing unnatural stiff! Sometimes I have to make out with my beautiful, svelte wife and have my ten kids surround us just so those gays know I’m a hetro-sexual. I don’t want no thick penis in my mouth. It shouldn’t be able to fit into a man’s mouth, only a woman’s … er, and only if it’s for the purposes of procreatin’! What’s that, honey? You need some massive cock in your vagina? Okay! Since I am a very hetrosexual man, and not attracted to other men like that gay Elton, I’ll just go over and have lots of sex with you and rub your breasts a lot because I know how you love squirming around when I do that! ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/4 "2003-07-31T19:14:55Z")
Well. I’m lost. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/5 "2003-07-31T19:15:42Z")
\*\*“Did you ever get gayness in your eye, Gabriel? It buuurns.”\*\*Use that shampoo… _No More Queers._ ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/6 "2003-07-31T19:15:44Z")
I just brush my teeth, take a shower, and use some Visine. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/7 "2003-07-31T19:17:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > **I don’t want that thing doing unnatural stiff!** Dr. Freud, your slip is showing. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/8 "2003-07-31T19:17:52Z")
- When the gay hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s SCREAMING BURNING PAIN, GET ME THE FUCKING EYE WASH, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!\* 😃 [sub]Okay, Dean Martin didn’t sing that. But then he would have had to admit why he stopped working with Jerry Lewis.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Raven\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@The\_Raven\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Raven_1)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/9 "2003-07-31T19:18:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*unnatural stiff! \*\* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!11!1!!! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/10 "2003-07-31T19:25:21Z")
> [@](#): > > so now I stay away from them because I don’t want that thing doing unnatural **stiff**! I have it on good authority that your stiff is completely natural. That’s what you get for running naked through so many threads. And I’ll stop flinging my gayness when they pry it out of my cold dead (yet still fabulous) fingers! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/11 "2003-07-31T19:30:31Z")
Hey, quit looking at me with a lisp. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/12 "2003-07-31T19:31:30Z")
I suppose nobody would believe me if I said that was intentional?🙂 It was. I was trying to be obviously closeted, but believably so:D ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/13 "2003-07-31T19:33:22Z")
I’ve never gotten gayness in my eye. I always wear goggles. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/14 "2003-07-31T19:37:46Z")
My eyes! The goggles do nothing! ---
**Author:** ![teleute12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@teleute12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teleute12)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/15 "2003-07-31T19:43:33Z")
Gayness, huh? So that’s what they’re calling it these days. Although if manly/womanly parts are “his (throbbing) manhood” or “her (dripping) womanhood”, I suppose that “gayness” is a decent term for semen. You’d have to change it to “straightness” for writing het though, or it might be a bit confusing. Don’t mind me, I’ve been spending too much time at [FF.net](http://FF.net) lately, and I think the badfic is starting to rot my brain. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/16 "2003-07-31T19:51:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > Okay, Dean Martin didn’t sing that. But then he would have had to admit why he stopped working with Jerry Lewis Goodness gracious, great balls of gay! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/17 "2003-07-31T19:51:52Z")
Well, I’m back from my usual 15 mind-blowing orgasms from having sex with my wife. I came all over her because I love coming all over a woman’s body, and she loves it when I cover her with an inch-thick layer of my manfluid. Manfluid is a gift from God, we always say. I don’t even make her swallow. I love licking it off her body. She loves when I … I mean, SHE licks it up! Cuz I hate the taste! HATE IT! I HATE THE TASTE OF SEMEN! YES I DO! THE GOOD LORD MADE ME HETROSEXUAL, THAT’S RIGHT! SEE HOW MANY KIDS WE’VE HAD? THAT MEANS I’M A HETROSEXUAL! CUZ I LOOOOOOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE! ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/18 "2003-07-31T19:54:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*Well, I’m back from my usual 15 mind-blowing orgasms from having sex with my wife. I came all over her because I love coming all over a woman’s body, and she loves it when I cover her with an inch-thick layer of my manfluid. Manfluid is a gift from God, we always say. I don’t even make her swallow. I love licking it off her body. She loves when I … I mean, SHE licks it up! Cuz I hate the taste! HATE IT! I HATE THE TASTE OF SEMEN! YES I DO! THE GOOD LORD MADE ME HETROSEXUAL, THAT’S RIGHT! SEE HOW MANY KIDS WE’VE HAD? THAT MEANS I’M A HETROSEXUAL! CUZ I LOOOOOOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE! \*\* … I love you, **iampunha** , you hot hunk of manmeat. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/19 "2003-07-31T19:57:31Z")
I got some gayness on me once. I collected as much of it as I could and put it in a jar. I was trying to cultivate and grow my own gay man, for fashion and decorating tips and stuff. Never did work. All I could ever get it to grow into was very flamboyant Sea Monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7cd45c/32.png) [@\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Deep_F_ied)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195/20 "2003-07-31T20:29:10Z")
[jim croce] If I could save gayness in a bottle the first thing that I’d like to do is steal all the mens from those bitchy harping shrews and then I’d go shopping for shoes… [/jim croce] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-ever-get-gayness-in-your-eye-gabriel-it-buuurns/192195.md?page=2)