# Did you go through a gay/bi "phase" in high school? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274 "2004-11-11T21:14:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/21 "2004-11-12T03:06:00Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > We called them LUDs (Lesbians Until Graduation), although I’ve heard “hasbien” from other colleges. It kind of seemed like trying on vegetarianism, honestly. Shouldn’t it be **LUGs** 😕 [sup] **Or is that too much like an automotive term?** [/sup] ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/22 "2004-11-12T03:24:08Z")
I didn’t know anything about ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ until I was about 19 - probably because I was born in a small Proddy town where such things weren’t discussed, and then went to a church-run boarding school where sex-ed. was unheard of in the 60’s. Some of the girls at school used to sneak into each other’s beds after lights out, and I remember feeling really left out and thinking that something was wrong with me because no-one ever asked ME to sleep with them. Because of my upbringing I was very naive about sex in general though. It was only after I met my 2nd husband that I actually experienced an orgasm for the first time and found out what it was that people raved on about when they talked about sex. Before that I had found it rather tedious :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/23 "2004-11-12T03:25:08Z")
Not in high school, but there’s a saying about NCCC: “Everyone leaves Americorps just a little bit gayer than they were when they came in.” We’re all 18-24, raging hormones and all, and yeah, there’s definitely tons of homo-(and hetero-)eroticism going on. Usually there’s lots of joking around, maybe a little playful groping – my teammate used to pull the old “Oh, my hands are full, will you get the key out of my pocket?” trick all the time. It only took me five or six times to figure out what was going on. 😃 Oddly enough, it was the straight guys who went all raunchy on us first. The first time I ever saw two guys dancing with one another was at a bar on Americorps Night, and there was definitely some bumping and grinding going on. It didn’t take too long for us ladies to be all “girl, back that thang up” on each other. As for the lapdance parties, I plead the Fifth… ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/24 "2004-11-12T04:56:54Z")
One of my best friends when I was about 17 happened to be gay. He was a bit older than me. When he came out, I had to deal with a lot of personal issues that came up because he was such a good friend. For a while I thought I might also be gay. I eventually realized that while I could appreciate the attraction of another man I didn’t have any of the same feelings for men that I did for women. I never felt an overwhelming desire to kiss men, for instance, though women who I was attracted to exerted a strong pull on me. It was great to have my self esteem–which was extremely negative through much of high school–built up through contact with people who tend to be very supportive of their friends. Having people flirt with you and compliment you also gives you an ego boost and validates your attractiveness. I used to be very shy, and if you’ve ever hung out with extroverted gay men, you know that can’t last for long if you’re going to continue to be friends with them. I credit my experiences with these people for my general good self esteem, confidence, and relative social adeptness now. People who meet me now can’t believe I ever used to be shy. Wrestling with those feelings and questioning something that many people don’t deal with makes you more mature, in my opinion. The reason almost all of my male friends were gay had more to do with their maturity and the effect of that maturity on their behavior and outlook on life than it did with my orientation. It’s kind of too bad that I didn’t have a strong attraction for men. I could have had some incredible boyfriends. I guess having incredible friends is more than most people get, so I’m very grateful for what I do have. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/25 "2004-11-12T04:57:30Z")
I went through it _young_-when my friends and I were around twelve or thirteen, we used to play kissing games (we’d put our hands over our mouths and then pretend to make out) or we’d pretend to be strippers and feel each other up. It only lasted a couple of months, or so, from what I remember. I don’t think it was truly a bi or lesbian thing, because we’d always have one of us pretending to be the guy, or something like that. I guess it was just an excuse to experiment when we didn’t have boyfriends. _shrugs_ Mostly, I think, we were bored, horny (raging puberty hormones), and in that in between stage-we still liked playing pretend games, but we were getting too old for that. Does that make sense? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/26 "2004-11-12T05:20:32Z")
> [@kniz](#): > > Shouldn’t it be **LUGs** 😕 [sup] **Or is that too much like an automotive term?** [/sup] :smack: Whoops, yeah. Personally I like “hasbien” better. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/27 "2004-11-12T05:25:46Z")
One of my closest friends when I was a freshman in high school came out to me. I went through this period of “I like her, more than just as friends, but she’s a girl, oh shit, no, can’t be gay, no way, not me … but I like her.” I then wrote it off as just a phase in later high school and into college. Then I was making out with my first boyfriend and was thinking “This is interesting, but it would be more fun with a girl… oh hell …” Not just a phase, just a lot of lying to myself. ---
**Author:** ![professor\_folk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df788c/32.png) [@professor\_folk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/professor_folk)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/28 "2004-11-12T05:47:29Z")
I was in highschool in the early 90s. There was nobody, that I know of, anyway, that identified themselves as gay. It was a small highschool, full of sports jocks and such, and surely there were gay students, but I’m sure they kept it to themselves until they could get away from our little town. Personally, I witnessed a lot of pubescent games, mutual masturbation, etc, but none of it seemed to be homosexual, just sexual in general. Boys learning to play with themselves. I always felt a homosexual attraction to the cute boys, but of course, it went unsaid. I dated girls all through school, and now at 28, I’m sort of willing to accept the fact that I’m probably bisexual. So, the phase never ended for me, even though it was never really consummated, and still hasn’t been. Pretty sure it will some day though. As for the soggy biscuit story…we’d heard that one in relation to the local junior hockey team’s initiation rites. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/29 "2004-11-12T06:08:34Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I’d always thought of that as a college thing - but then again, I went to a women’s college. I see you’re in the South, so I must wonder if you’re an alumna of my alma mater. Tell me, does the question “Are you an Even or an Oddie?” mean anything to you? 🙂 > [@](#): > > _A lot of girls declared firmly as lesbians, had full and rich gay sex lives (on a very small campus - gay or straight, folks, this is a **bad idea** with less than a thousand people around) and then after they graduated went back to their straight WASP career woman lives._ Yup, I’ve seen that, and the nasty fallout, as well. In case anyone is wondering why some people might have a problem with this kind of behavior, imagine if your friend (or even you, although thankfully it was never ME!) had been the longterm lesbian whose girlfriend decided senior year that experimentation time is over, and returned from Christmas break with an engagement ring from her male high school sweetheart. > [@](#): > > _It kind of seemed like trying on vegetarianism, honestly._ I developed a theory by my own senior year that almost any college girl who announces that she’s bi when you’re first introduced is probably no such thing. (Exception: if you meet at some sort of GLBT function.) If she also mentions that she’s a vegetarian, a Buddhist, or a vampire, or worse still a vegetarian Buddhist vampire, you can be almost certain. Extra points if she is an obviously dyed redhead and wears lots of bad silver jewelry. I managed to avoid ill-fated entanglement with these types myself, but had a thankfully short-lived relationship with a “lesbian” who proved to have no physical interest in women at all. Which would have been nice to know ahead of time, but I probably should have been suspicious from the beginning. She wasn’t a vegetarian Buddhist vampire, but she was very vocal about being a card-carrying member of the Communist party. And let me tell you, for a Communist she sure had a lot of expensive clothes. > [@](#): > > _It always made me vaugely uneasy, as if they were “trying on” a culture and a struggle that they were just going to toss out eventually - they’d go on and on about how Difficult It Was for them (recall, on a women’s college campus) when they hadn’t had to fight it out in high school and were going to go on and get married to a man and have 2.5 children in a few years. Of course, there’s plenty of women who realize their sexual identity in college, or come out then, but our LUDs gave off a certain air of experimentation and, I dunno, cultural shoplifting. Nothing wrong with experimentation, of course, it’s just as a wide ranging pattern that it seems unfair to the “real lesbians” who were going to deal with issues related to their orientation for the rest of their lives._ Preach it, sister! 🆒 Although I think it’s actually worse for “real bisexuals”. I’ve heard plenty of “real lesbians” say they’d never date a bisexual woman because you can’t trust them, and I’m sure this stereotype is fueled by bad college experiences with dishonest sexual experimenters. Nothing against sexual experimentation in and of itself, I just think it’s better for everyone if it’s clear that’s what it is. I’m sure plenty of college lesbian/bisexual women would be more than happy to have a little casual sex with experimenting/questioning classmates…as long as they weren’t being misled as to how seriously they were being taken as romantic partners. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/30 "2004-11-12T07:01:24Z")
“Soggy Biscuit,” must go and scrub out the inside of my head with steel wool. Yuk! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/31 "2004-11-12T07:21:43Z")
No. When I was about 12 I wondered one night if I’d enjoy kissing a guy. Conclusion: not even slightly, and I’ve been pretty secure ever since. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/32 "2004-11-12T09:27:55Z")
At college we called them “BUGS” (bi until grad…). I remeber a short period where I was striking out with the women pretty bad and wondered if all my problems could be stemming from some secret homosexuality…Nope, I was just failing with the chickas. I then actively looked at other guys and wondered “Am I attracted to them?” And no, I wasn’t. There really wasn’t anything about the male form that held my interest nearly as much as that curve from the top of the hips, down the side to an amazing woman’s ass…_sigh_… What were we talking about? -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/33 "2004-11-12T10:06:02Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I went through it _young_-when my friends and I were around twelve or thirteen, we used to play kissing games (we’d put our hands over our mouths and then pretend to make out) or we’d pretend to be strippers and feel each other up. When I was about 10 or 11 a neighbor girl tried that with me. I just wasn’t interested, and she didn’t push it. I didn’t know if she was trying it because she was going through a phase, or simply experimenting. She probably had a more vivid imagination than me, is all. I can understand, in a sort of detached way, the beauty of females, their sexiness, etc., but it just isn’t going to do it for me. As I’ve probably mentioned before, the deal-breaker is, “Too many breasts.” I’ll never get over that. I don’t want to deal with _anyone else’s_ breasts. Plus, I like hairy chests, and other things that girls simply don’t have. So, my answer is no. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/34 "2004-11-12T12:29:32Z")
Well, only slightly, but, actually, sort of, yes. At any rate, there was a time when I was thinking a lot about if I was gay (or bi). I didn’t think I was, but I kept thinking about it. And then I kissed a guy at a party, and immediately the slight obsession vanished, and I came to define myself as “Interested in women 98% of the time, but willing to give it a go with anyone I do fancy,” which I’ve been comfortable with since. In retrospect, I think it was a combination of (1) not having had a really successful relationship (2) being a bit curious (3) having a slight crush on the guy in question, who was always very affectionate with everyone, which could sometimes, though generally not, be classed as flirting (4) a desire to test boundaries, etc, and a feeling that I had to be one or the other. ---
**Author:** ![kka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/54ee81/32.png) [@kka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kka)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/35 "2004-11-12T15:14:04Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > “Soggy Biscuit,” must go and scrub out the inside of my head with steel wool. > > Yuk! I know. Why, oh why, did I have to Google it? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/36 "2004-11-12T16:20:08Z")
But Lamia, why is a “girl” phase any different than a “rides a motorcyle and wears a leather jacket” phase. Young adulthood is a time where most of us date a lot of different people - many that we are attracted to but would make poor life mates for us. I might have loved that leather jacket wearing guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to fit in with my life. Likewise, if I’m slightly bi, I may love a girl, feel truly attracted to her, but not have her be able to fit in my life in a life partner way. Young adult relationships are a time for experimentation. As long as both parties understand that - you are fine. What sucks is when a girl (or guy) tells leather jacket guy or lesbian girl that they will love them forever - and then splits. I don’t understand why the gender of the person your lover chooses after you makes the person less fickle - any more than “she said she likes blondes, and now she is dating a redhead.” ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/37 "2004-11-12T17:10:20Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > But Lamia, why is a “girl” phase any different than a “rides a motorcyle and wears a leather jacket” phase. It probably isn’t, for the person having the phase. It’s rather different for the “girl” vs. the “motorcycle and leather jacket” though, because the former is a person who has feelings and the latter are inanimate objects that do not. The leather jacket doesn’t care if suddenly college girl loses interest and it finds itself an unwanted cast-off. > [@](#): > > _Young adult relationships are a time for experimentation. As long as both parties understand that - you are fine. What sucks is when a girl (or guy) tells leather jacket guy or lesbian girl that they will love them forever - and then splits._ Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/38 "2004-11-12T17:13:55Z")
No. I knew I was hetero fairly early, when I was attracted to Indian film star Amitabh Bacchan and Spock. I didn’t think of it like that, but I knew. I had my first real “crush” at age 12, on a boy in my class (with the most beautiful blue eyes ever). It was not until many years later that I thought I might be attracted to one of my female friends. But it was backwards; I had low self-esteem and it was more like “If she wanted to, I would do \*anything \* for her”. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/39 "2004-11-12T17:15:08Z")
Upon reflection, I wonder if it does have something to do with upbringing. I didn;t even know gay people existed until well into my teens, and it didn’t stop being oogy for me until I was in my 20’s. I never had a concept as a child that I could be attracted to girls…so maybe I wasn’t? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274/40 "2004-11-12T18:13:13Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I see you’re in the South, so I must wonder if you’re an alumna of my alma mater. Tell me, does the question “Are you an Even or an Oddie?” mean anything to you? 🙂 It does, but only because all women’s colleges are slightly incestuous. No, I went somewhere else - I was yellow, and a Sungoddess, and I would just be tickled pink if somebody in this thread knew what I was talking about. I haven’t been tossed in the pond yet, either. 🙂 I agree entirely that experimentation is wonderful and healthy and everything, but only if the people you’re experimenting with know that’s what it is. (You’d think they’d eventually figure that out, but human nature being what it is, they never do.) I saw a lot of people really get hurt in the long run by somebody else’s “college experimentation”. It’s also worth noting that you almost never see a butch LUG - all the ones I knew were lipstick lesbians. Not that that’s in any way an inauthentic lesbian just because they didn’t wear flannel-lined jeans, but it does indicate a certain image they may have been looking for. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-go-through-a-gay-bi-phase-in-high-school/274274.md?page=3)