# Did you hear the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 13, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494 "2005-01-13T03:37:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/21 "2005-01-13T20:19:07Z")
> [@Redwing](#): > > Not family friendly: > > Why do lawyers wear neckties? > > To keep the foreskin down. _snort_ That’s a good one. Having worked in a law firm, I know a couple of guys who fit this profile. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/22 "2005-01-13T20:29:48Z")
How many lawyers does it take to roof a shed? Depends on how thinly you slice them. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/23 "2005-01-13T20:52:29Z")
Hey, that lawyer who was so offended pretty much _had_ to ring 'em up on a criminal charge. I mean, he must have known there was no way he’d get a defamation of character lawsuit to stick. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/24 "2005-01-13T21:01:36Z")
From the link in the OP: > [@](#): > > Americans for Legal Reform monitors the courts and uses confrontational tactics to push for greater access for the public. > > The pair said that for years they have stood outside courthouses on Long Island and mocked lawyers. > > On Monday, however, Kash said he was due in court to answer a drunken driving charge from a year and a half ago. Color me skeptical that “all” they did was tell a couple of lawyer jokes. * * * How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road? The vultures aren’t gagging over the skunk. How can you tell the difference between a dead snake and a dead attorney on the road? No brake skid marks in front of the lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/25 "2005-01-13T22:16:43Z")
> [@Guy\_Incognito](#): > > A lawyer is taken into the operating room for surgery to repair a life-threatening injury. Hours later, he wakes up in the recovery room to find the curtains closed on all of the windows. He asks a passing nurse, who remarks, “While you were asleep, there was a huge, four-alarm fire in the building next door. There was smoke and fire everywhere, and the sounds of people screaming could be heard quite clearly. We didn’t want you to wake up in the middle of all of that and think the operation was a failure.” Hm. I don’t get it. Could you (or someone else) explain? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/26 "2005-01-13T22:47:46Z")
> [@LindyHopper](#): > > Hm. I don’t get it. Could you (or someone else) explain? 😕 They were afraid he’d wake up and think he’d gone where lawyers go when they die. (It took me a couple of reads, too.) ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/27 "2005-01-13T23:04:21Z")
A woman is walking along the beach and sees something shiny just barely sticking out of the sand. She digs it out and finds it’s a magic lamp. When she rubs it a genie leaps out. “Thank you, thank you, for releasing me from my prison! I will give you three wishes, anything you want!” “What’s the catch?” the woman asks. “Well, I’m a lawyer genie, so anything you wish for every lawyer in the world gets twice.” “Okay, that’s fair. First off, I want ten million dollars.” “Done! But every lawyer in the world just got _twenty_ million.” “Next, I want a fancy mansion to live in.” “Done! But every lawyer in the world now has two mansions, one for summer, one for winter. Your last wish?” In a thoughtful tone the woman said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.” ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/28 "2005-01-14T01:19:04Z")
> [@cher3](#): > > They were afraid he’d wake up and think he’d gone where lawyers go when they die. > > (It took me a couple of reads, too.) Aaaahhhhh…OK. Makes perfect sense now. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![katie1341](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/91b2a8/32.png) [@katie1341](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katie1341)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/29 "2005-01-14T02:47:20Z")
This morning, it was so cold… ``` (HOW COLD WAS IT?) It was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets! ``` ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/30 "2005-01-14T08:19:24Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > A woman is walking along the beach and sees something shiny just barely sticking out of the sand. She digs it out and finds it’s a magic lamp. When she rubs it a genie leaps out. > > “Thank you, thank you, for releasing me from my prison! I will give you three wishes, anything you want!” > > “What’s the catch?” the woman asks. > > “Well, I’m a lawyer genie, so anything you wish for every lawyer in the world gets twice.” > > “Okay, that’s fair. First off, I want ten million dollars.” > > “Done! But every lawyer in the world just got _twenty_ million.” > > “Next, I want a fancy mansion to live in.” > > “Done! But every lawyer in the world now has two mansions, one for summer, one for winter. Your last wish?” > > In a thoughtful tone the woman said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.” IIRC my favorite ending is the one said by Dave Allen: In a thoughtful tone the woman said: “I want my sexual drive to be reduced by 50%!!” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/31 "2005-01-14T10:50:30Z")
Oooh, I like that ending too! ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/32 "2005-01-14T12:53:36Z")
How was copper wire invented? Two lawyers fighting over a penny. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/33 "2005-01-14T13:18:23Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > IIRC my favorite ending is the one said by Dave Allen: > > In a thoughtful tone the woman said: “I want my sexual drive to be reduced by 50%!!” The punchline I heard was “I want to be half-dead.” A guy calls his lawyer’s office and says “I’m Mr. Jones. I’d like to speak to my lawyer.” Secretary says “I’m sorry. Your lawyer died yesterday.” Guy calls back in a couple of hours “I’m Mr. Jones. I’d like to speak to my lawyer.” Secretary says “I told you before. Your lawyer died yesterday.” Guy calls back. “I’m Mr. Jones. I’d like to speak to my lawyer.” Secretary says “I’ve already told you twice that _your. lawyer. died. yesterday._ Why do you keep calling me.” “Because I love the sound of it.” ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/34 "2005-01-14T13:37:21Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > IIRC my favorite ending is the one said by Dave Allen: > > In a thoughtful tone the woman said: “I want my sexual drive to be reduced by 50%!!” I always heard it as “… now I wish half of all my posessions were taken away from me.” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/35 "2005-01-14T14:42:19Z")
Feh. If those two are still throwing that lawyer joke around, they should have been charged with reckless endangerment of the elderly. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/36 "2005-01-14T14:49:46Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? > > - Lip stick. 😕 …Pit bulls wear lipstick? ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/37 "2005-01-15T00:09:05Z")
I realize this turned into a joke thread, but I just had to comment. I live 15 minutes from Hempstead and work about a mile from the courthouse mentioned in the article. Trust me when I say there are far worse things going on in Hempstead and neighboring towns than two guys cracking bad jokes. I really hope this case gets thrown right out. Carry on! ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2005, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/38 "2005-01-15T00:20:57Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Well, according to **Polycarp** ’s post, these guys are going to walk. Unless the were screaming the jokes through a bullhorn, they don’t violate any of the provisions of the law as stated. Believe it or not, these guys do, indeed, spend LOTS of time standing around outside courthouses in Nassau and Suffolk counties screaming lawyer jokes through bullhorns. I’ve seen them many times myself. As far as I can tell, that’s about 90% of what their “lawyer reform” group does. The system needs a lot of work, but what they’re doing sure isn’t helping any. I’m guessing that the lawyer in question and the court officers in question had seen these guys in action innumerable times, and just figured this was the one chance they might have to shut them up for a change, since the guys were not actually staging a protest in their “official” capacity at the time but were there as litigants. Do I think this is a good enough excuse for arresting the idiots? Absolutely not. But I can attest to the fact that being polite to jerks in and around the courthouse all day long can be rather a strain. (BTW – there is no need to convince me that a lot of lawyers are in the spectrum from just plain stupid all the way to vicious and corrupt. I see them every day. However, I can say without reservation that some of the most kind, intelligent and caring people I have met are judges and lawyers, too.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/39 "2005-01-15T00:37:48Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > I always heard it as “… now I wish half of all my posessions were taken away from me.” I’ve heard the same joke only a man found the Djinn. He wished for \*one \* testicle to disppear. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494/40 "2005-02-09T19:49:26Z")
[Justice is served!](http://www.nydailynews.com/front/breaking_news/story/278938p-239005c.html)😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-hear-the-one-about-the-two-guys-arrested-for-telling-lawyer-jokes/284494.md?page=1)