# Did you notice a difference in how/if people hit on you before/after getting an engagement ring? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 2, 2018, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761 "2018-01-02T18:07:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/21 "2018-01-03T03:23:45Z")
> [@JerrySTL](#): > > My son and his friends would play a game where they’d go to a bar and pretend that they were having a bachelor’s party. He said that it was amazing how many women hit on the “bridegroom” often successfully. God, don’t let Shagnasty hear you. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/22 "2018-01-03T04:08:35Z")
It is a Catch-22 for both genders. If you’re a woman who’s into “taken” men…they’re taken. And if you are a man and you need to be popular with women in order to attract women, then…you can’t be popular with women until/unless you’re popular with women already. There is perhaps no field of human behavior more maddeningly confusing or contradictory than romance/sex. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/23 "2018-01-03T05:14:43Z")
> [@carlb](#): > > My own personal, untested hypothesis has been that a wedding ring on a guy is, in a sense, a stamp of approval. A woman can see a guy at a bar and think that he’s physically attractive, but have no idea what kind of person he is; maybe he’s a complete jerk. The ring implies that at least one woman has found him to be a suitable mate, implying that he’s likely not a terrible person. > > Note that I have absolutely nothing with which to back up this hypothesis; it comes purely from my imagination. Or it could be that an unhappily single guy is sending off signals of desperation, and too aggressively hitting on women and turning them off. But a happily taken guy is in no desperate need to find someone and can just act like his normal self treat women like normal, and some women will be attracted to his normal, confident self. Like a woman might be scared away by a pickup line, but enjoy chatting to a guy about mutual interests and while chatting find herself attracted to him. I’m sure there’s a mix of reasons, and mileage will vary for every individual. ---
**Author:** ![anomalous1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e56c9b/32.png) [@anomalous1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anomalous1)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/24 "2018-01-03T05:35:42Z")
Observations also similar to what **Tim R. Mortiss** and **carlb** said. I don’t know whether it is more depressing or mildly amusing that such a simple object can turn a man or woman into Smeigel. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/25 "2018-01-03T09:44:02Z")
It goes the other way as well. I had an executive on a business trip tell me when I was younger that, if you want to pick up a woman in a hotel or bar, look for a wedding ring. It is much easier if they have one and they will be discrete about it. He was later fired for sexual indiscretion but I am pretty sure his overall point was correct. Married women need love too. Single women tend to overestimate their worth and are demanding. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/26 "2018-01-03T14:15:35Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > It goes the other way as well. I had an executive on a business trip tell me when I was younger that, if you want to pick up a woman in a hotel or bar, look for a wedding ring. It is much easier if they have one and they will be discrete about it. > > He was later fired for sexual indiscretion but I am pretty sure his overall point was correct. Married women need love too. Single women tend to overestimate their worth and are demanding. That reminds me of that movie [Up In The air,](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1193138/) where the married woman LOVED to bang men while she was away from her husband. There was also the line in a James Bond movie where he said he preferred sex with married women because they wouldnt be after a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/27 "2018-01-03T15:16:01Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > Or it could be that an unhappily single guy is sending off signals of desperation, and too aggressively hitting on women and turning them off. But a happily taken guy is in no desperate need to find someone and can just act like his normal self treat women like normal, and some women will be attracted to his normal, confident self. Like a woman might be scared away by a pickup line, but enjoy chatting to a guy about mutual interests and while chatting find herself attracted to him. I think this is cart-before-the-horse circular logic. Most people who are desperate are desperate \*because \*they’ve had little success in dating and relationships. It’s the lack of success, or relationship deprivation, that \*caused \*the desperation. If they were always popular with the opposite gender to begin with, they wouldn’t have to be desperate in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/28 "2018-01-03T18:16:14Z")
I don’t always wear my ring due to reactions to metal. I’ve been married for 11ish years. I had a couple instances where guys hitting on me became hostile when I told them I was married. They accused me of lying to them. The only acceptable excuse for not giving them sexual attention, in their minds, was being with another man. Among people who know I’m married, I’ve only had one problem with persistent unwelcome attention, and it had nothing to do with my ring. He was a neighbor who just wouldn’t lay off. Other than that guy, I’ve never had a single person suggest an affair. I have had a few times where there was romantic subtext in the relationship, but all involved parties were loyal to their partners, it never went beyond, just… I dunno, an awkward feeling. > [@Lizard](#): > > At that time I thought of male-female relationships as very A or B affairs: “I like you, will you go out with me?” was pretty much my only move. That’s how I still think of them. “I like you, will you go out with me?” is pretty fucking ideal, in my world. And is more or less how I approached my husband. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/29 "2018-01-03T18:23:21Z")
> [@carlb](#): > > My own personal, untested hypothesis has been that a wedding ring on a guy is, in a sense, a stamp of approval. A woman can see a guy at a bar and think that he’s physically attractive, but have no idea what kind of person he is; maybe he’s a complete jerk. The ring implies that at least one woman has found him to be a suitable mate, implying that he’s likely not a terrible person. > > Note that I have absolutely nothing with which to back up this hypothesis; it comes purely from my imagination. I found the same once I got married. Being a single guy, some of the married women in my social circle treated me like a leper. Some of them wouldn’t invite me to parties because I was a single man - they even straight out told me that. :mad: The very moment I got married, those same women treated me like a long-lost brother. :smack: Then of course, once we got divorced, I was on the outs again. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/30 "2018-01-03T18:34:55Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I found the same once I got married. > > Being a single guy, some of the married women in my social circle treated me like a leper. Some of them wouldn’t invite me to parties because I was a single man - they even straight out told me that. :mad: The very moment I got married, those same women treated me like a long-lost brother. :smack: > > Then of course, once we got divorced, I was on the outs again. :rolleyes: That settles it. I am a space alien. While I can fathom the security that comes with knowing someone is capable of being a romantic partner, I cannot imagine thinking worse of someone just for being single. What a bizarre fucking world we live in. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/31 "2018-01-03T19:31:16Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I think this is cart-before-the-horse circular logic. Most people who are desperate are desperate \*because \*they’ve had little success in dating and relationships. It’s the lack of success, or relationship deprivation, that \*caused \*the desperation. If they were always popular with the opposite gender to begin with, they wouldn’t have to be desperate in the first place. Its a feedback loop. They have little success so they become desperate. And they are desperate because they have little success. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/32 "2018-01-03T19:59:19Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I found the same once I got married. > > Being a single guy, some of the married women in my social circle treated me like a leper. Some of them wouldn’t invite me to parties because I was a single man - they even straight out told me that. :mad: The very moment I got married, those same women treated me like a long-lost brother. :smack: > > Then of course, once we got divorced, I was on the outs again. :rolleyes: I would have assumed this was because single men are not “safe” - a single man might be on ‘the prowl’ and a married woman might not want to deal with that. Whereas an attached man would be presumed to be having his urges taken care of elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/33 "2018-01-03T21:49:43Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > I would have assumed this was because single men are not “safe” - a single man might be on ‘the prowl’ and a married woman might not want to deal with that. Whereas an attached man would be presumed to be having his urges taken care of elsewhere. Man. We’re talking about humans, not werewolves! Aren’t we? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/34 "2018-01-03T22:19:52Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Man. We’re talking about humans, not werewolves! > > Aren’t we? I’m a guy who doesn’t get out much, but it has been impressed upon me that men are animals who think about nothing but sex and give in to their urges way, way too much. And if I’ve heard that, I’ll be other people have heard that. Possibly even married women. And honestly, as a big, hairy, single guy (who wouldn’t hurt a fly), I can fully understand how a woman might take one look at me and say “Nah, I’d rather hang out with a guy who knows the pain of changing diapers.” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/35 "2018-01-03T22:30:38Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > I’m a guy who doesn’t get out much, but it has been impressed upon me that men are animals who think about nothing but sex and give in to their urges way, way too much. And if I’ve heard that, I’ll be other people have heard that. Possibly even married women. It’s just a stereotype I hate. It mischaracterizes most men, while providing easy excuses for the few who do behave that way. I’ll hang out with anyone who’s nice. Now I could see an argument that women’s spouses don’t want them hanging out with a single guy… Not a marriage I’d want to be in, but it makes more sense to me than women themselves having some fear or discomfort around single men. I don’t doubt the latter exist, I just don’t understand it. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/36 "2018-01-03T22:52:25Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > It’s just a stereotype I hate. It mischaracterizes most men, while providing easy excuses for the few who do behave that way. > > I’ll hang out with anyone who’s nice. > > Now I could see an argument that women’s spouses don’t want them hanging out with a single guy… Not a marriage I’d want to be in, but it makes more sense to me than women themselves having some fear or discomfort around single men. > > I don’t doubt the latter exist, I just don’t understand it. I’m not super-fond of the stereotype either, but I don’t have the balls to tell women they shouldn’t be afraid of me. It ain’t my call to tell people what they should assume about me, I figure. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2018, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/37 "2018-01-04T03:07:53Z")
Engagement rings aren’t customary in Spain, but one time that the subject of wedding rings (customary for both sexes) came up, my manager said she didn’t wear hers because much to her disgust she’d discovered there is a kind of creep who loves hitting on married women. Not having a ring would just get her the occasional healthy, normal flirter, who would back off as soon as she dropped “my husband” into conversation. Becoming visibly pregnant had also brought the creeps out :smack: My father had been equally disgusted years before upon encountering women who would set out specifically to break up couples. The creepy guys wanted married women because they were “safe”, the creepy women were couple-breakers. It’s a good thing there’s relatively few of both, but damn some people are just _yuck_. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2018, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/38 "2018-01-04T10:38:08Z")
I dont wear mine much because 1. I work in alot of electrical panels 2. I get my hands pretty dirty and greasy and wash my hands several times a day and it would be cumbersome. ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/39 "2018-01-05T16:21:11Z")
Have wedding ring. Never get advances from other women. Apparently having a physical appearance that could back a dog off a meat truck is enough to overcome the power of the ring! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761/40 "2018-01-05T16:53:15Z")
> [@Hermitian](#): > > Have wedding ring. Never get advances from other women. > > Apparently having a physical appearance that could back a dog off a meat truck is enough to overcome the power of the ring! How did you get married the 1st time, if you don’t mind my asking? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-notice-a-difference-in-how-if-people-hit-on-you-before-after-getting-an-engagement-ring/805761.md?page=3)