# Did You Plan Your Sexual Milestones Ahead of Time, or Did They Just Happen? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2010, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106 "2010-03-03T08:20:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/1 "2010-03-03T08:20:37Z")
The classic example might be the girl who plans to lose her virginity prom night, but I’m talking about other sexual milestones as well. Did you plan on giving your first BJ ahead of time, or did it just happen? Did you discuss your first attempt at anal ahead of time with your intended partner, or did it just develop…eh… organically in bed one tempestuous night? I have an idea that for answers will vary as between men and women, so you might wish to include that fact about yourself as well. My suspicion is that men may well have serially “planned” milestones in the sense that each new date consisted of a plan to do whatever was possible, and women may have “planned” their first foray into each new territory with a little more circumspection. Yeah, shocking, I know. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/2 "2010-03-03T09:32:48Z")
Female, 32. They were planned only in the sense that I knew I’d have time alone with the guy, and I would occasionally, either days or hours in advance, think of something I’d like to try if the mood permitted. The only thing preceded by discussion was the bed straps, since I didn’t want to go to the trouble for something we’d use infrequently. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/3 "2010-03-03T12:32:37Z")
Some yes, some no. I’ve done a lot of sexually adventurous things in my life, so needless to say, there have been a lot of different circumstances surrounding them. My first threeway? Just kinda happened when I was hanging out with a friend of mine and her boyfriend. My first time with anal? Planned… wanted to make sure we had plenty of lube. My purely lesbian encounter? Planned. My first experiences with real bondage (not silk scarves, but cuffs and ropes and such)? Just happened… and on and on and on… I guess if you’ve done enough crazy things it’ll end up evening out eventually. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/4 "2010-03-03T13:05:45Z")
Virtually all of mine have been planned in the sense I wanted to do them and I knew the details of how I wanted things to proceed, but finding willing participants was the stumbling block. ---
**Author:** ![HotSmoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d9b06d/32.png) [@HotSmoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HotSmoke)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/5 "2010-03-03T13:18:05Z")
Some were planned,some were not,although I planned losing my virginity with military precision. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/6 "2010-03-03T13:39:06Z")
None were necessarily planned, but back in the early days of my sexual exploration there was always sort of a general plan to “get as much as I can”. You know, you’re making out and you explore a bit to see if she’ll let you take off her shirt, then her bra, then pants- oops, no, not getting the pants off this time. Next time, the plan is to get at least as far as I did last time, plus the pants… and so it went. First anal, first threesome, first time masturbating for each other, first photos, first video, first toys… none were specifically planned, they just happened once we had had the necessary preliminary discussions about “would you be interested in ?” ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/7 "2010-03-03T14:23:32Z")
For me, just about all of my sexual milestones were fairly spontaneous; I didn’t plan for them in any way other than having an interest or curiosity in trying them out at some point in the future. I’d say that **corkboard** ’s explanation works pretty well for my experiences, except I was the female in my encounters. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/8 "2010-03-03T14:27:38Z")
I don’t have any sexual milestones, and I’m not even sure what the phrase means. Sexual acts you wanted to perform at least some time in your life, but not now when you thought of them? It hardly makes sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/9 "2010-03-03T14:37:22Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > I don’t have any sexual milestones, and I’m not even sure what the phrase means. Sexual acts you wanted to perform at least some time in your life, but not now when you thought of them? It hardly makes sense to me. It simply refers to the first time you had a key experience – as I said, the classic sexual milestone is losing one’s virginity. Only slightly less revered are the “four bases” concept of middle school lore. Past the traditional loss of virginity, we might imagine similar hallmarks, such as first threesome, first bondage… whatever. The specific acts are not so much of interest; I’m not so much looking for a “Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me but…” as I am looking for the fact of the planning. Did you loss of virginity come because you planned it, or because you found yourself in the situation and decided to go with it? Did your first oral sex come after writing, “Dear Diary, Today I plan to give S---- a special birthday present!” or was it a spur of the moment decision? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/10 "2010-03-03T14:37:40Z")
Losing my virginity was definitely planned and I came (heh) within two months of my plan, so I did pretty well. Everything else was semi-planned at best, or not at all. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/11 "2010-03-03T14:39:20Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Losing my virginity was definitely planned and I came (heh) within two months of my plan, so I did pretty well. Yeah, we should just pre-apologize for that pun in discussions like this, since it always pops up. That one, too. So, sorry. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/12 "2010-03-03T14:47:40Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > It simply refers to the first time you had a key experience – as I said, the classic sexual milestone is losing one’s virginity. Only slightly less revered are the “four bases” concept of middle school lore. Past the traditional loss of virginity, we might imagine similar hallmarks, such as first threesome, first bondage… whatever. The specific acts are not so much of interest; I’m not so much looking for a “Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me but…” as I am looking for the fact of the planning. Did you loss of virginity come because you planned it, or because you found yourself in the situation and decided to go with it? Did your first oral sex come after writing, “Dear Diary, Today I plan to give S---- a special birthday present!” or was it a spur of the moment decision? OK, I never had any milestones, other than losing my virginity. And that was planned a day or two in advance. The parents were going away for the weekend and so I invited my girlfriend over on Saturday - we both knew what was on the agenda and we were both ready for it, although both virgins. Other than that, no milestones. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/13 "2010-03-03T14:49:51Z")
They all just happened. What a night that was… ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/14 "2010-03-03T15:01:18Z")
OK I think I finally get where you’re coming from with this OP and because it took me so long to work out I think you definitely have to put me on the non-planning side of the fence. Everything sexual (insert tab A into slot B) that I ever wanted to do was done in my first year of sexual activity. Everything else after that just happened and was never a ‘goal’ or any kind of achievement or coming of age thing. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/15 "2010-03-03T15:12:17Z")
I had kissed one boy (and didn’t like it) at 15 and didn’t touch anyone else until I was 19. One month that year I decided I was going to get this whole virginity thing over with, and within a few weeks (during which I got to know a co-worker, decided he was clean and safe enough, and started a relationship with him) I did so. Right after that I started dating my boyfriend and we’ve been together ever since. Things have been more spontaneous with him although I planned out and psyched myself up to my first time performing oral sex. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/16 "2010-03-03T15:15:19Z")
Not planned. I was just a horny teenage boy that took what I could get. Hell, even the orgies weren’t planned. You’d think that one would have been. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/17 "2010-03-03T15:21:21Z")
For the most part no. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/18 "2010-03-03T21:58:15Z")
I planned to do the dirtiest thing she was up for pretty much until I was about 21. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/19 "2010-03-03T22:32:57Z")
“Impulsive” should be my middle name, so very little planning involved on my end. So to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106/20 "2010-03-04T00:38:20Z")
Depends on what you mean by “planned,” really. If you mean planning at what age/stage of life these things would happen – I thought I’d be reaching milestones a lot earlier than actually occurred. I still have unfulfilled “plans” to do certain things simply because I’ve never found anyone to stick around long enough to get there. If you mean planning with a particular partner, when _in the relationship_ these things happen – yes, of course. I don’t just cavalierly fall into bed with anyone. I’m big on communication, and open about my sexuality, so sex gets discussed between the two of us, early and often. In particular, I do it to make sure that our expectations line up, since more often than not, they don’t. I’m just not going to sleep with someone who has a completely different idea of what it means than I do. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-plan-your-sexual-milestones-ahead-of-time-or-did-they-just-happen/531106.md?page=2)