# Did you say “I love you” first? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 15, 2023, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615 "2023-08-15T18:44:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/1 "2023-08-15T18:44:05Z")
This articles says men wait 108 days on average. This is faster than women who hold out for 122 days… > **[‘I love you’: why men are much quicker to declare their feelings than women](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/aug/15/i-love-you-men-feelings-quicker-heterosexual-women-romance)** > > According to a study of more than 3,000 people, heterosexual women take longer than men to make a verbal commitment to a new romance ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/2 "2023-08-15T18:52:44Z")
I’m a guy, and as far as with the woman who eventually became my wife, yes, I did. We’d been dating for about a month when I first said it. I’d been in a couple of previous relationships in which there were confessions of love, though I can’t recall now if I was the one who said it first – though, knowing me, I probably did. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/3 "2023-08-15T19:25:58Z")
Woman and I definitely said it first. I always knew I wanted love though. ---
**Author:** ![NinthAcolyte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ninthacolyte/32/13676_2.png) [@NinthAcolyte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinthAcolyte)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/4 "2023-08-15T19:34:18Z")
Woman and I usually tend to say it first… But A: I’m very squishy and catch feelings easily and B: I tell close friends I love them, so the lines get blurry. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/5 "2023-08-15T20:05:13Z")
In my hippie Deadhead community we often tell friends “I love you” when we are parting. During Covid I started dating a long time friend from the scene and we had to stop saying it. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/6 "2023-08-15T20:12:28Z")
Yes. I’m a man and I said it first. I’m not surprised women take longer because its been a cultural thing that puts a lot more meaning in the world than actually exists most of the time. In my day a lot of men would tell women they loved them to get laid. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/7 "2023-08-15T20:32:08Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > This articles says men wait 108 days on average. This is faster than women who hold out for 122 days… Those are the kinds of titles that drive me insane with rage. The study shows _that_ men say it after 108 on average. The article title advertises information on _why_ they are quicker to declare their love. Which is, of course, in no way addressed by the article. And while that is one of the more egregious examples, this problem is quite common in reporting of scientific studies. I physically (and involuntarily) grit my teeth any time I see the word “why” in the clickbait for one. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/8 "2023-08-15T20:51:51Z")
Woman and I think I said it first. In an email to my now-husband, who was a close friend at the time, I said, “You should know that you can’t say all these wonderful things to a girl and not expect her to fall for you.” His reply email completely ignored that comment (“I didn’t want to read too much into it”) but he did sign off with, “I love you.” Did I say it first? Or did he? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/9 "2023-08-15T20:52:43Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > In my day a lot of men would tell women they loved them to get laid. Indeed. I consider it a red flag to hear that too early. Like the guy who told me on our third date… Last date. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/10 "2023-08-15T21:18:40Z")
I’m a guy. I’m so much a guy that I don’t remember and am afraid to ask my gf…. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/11 "2023-08-15T21:20:31Z")
All my girlfriends and wife, yeah. I was always first and quick out of the gate with it. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/12 "2023-08-15T21:46:21Z")
I’m mushy. So I’m sure I did. In fact I know I did. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/13 "2023-08-15T21:51:15Z")
My now wife and I were in a friends relationship for some time. One of our mutual (male) friends had a very strong crush on her, but she wasn’t interested. Over time, we evolved into something a bit more serious than ‘friends with benefits’ but both of us had some prior relationship skeletons in our closets, so it was longer than the average but less than 6 months before I said I loved her (first). ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2023, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/14 "2023-08-15T23:57:40Z")
I may have thought it first, but would never say it first. You dont know if he means it then, or just being polite. My ex said it first, after 6 weeks of seeing each other every day, preceded by, “I hope I’m not jumping the gun, but I love you.” Me-“what?”. No, youre not jumping the gun. The guy I spent the week of christmas with said it the first day, and I thought, oh hell no. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2023, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/15 "2023-08-16T00:30:35Z")
Last gf I said it on accident first. I let my guard down and it just sorta slipped out. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2023, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/16 "2023-08-16T01:11:50Z")
My now wife said it to me first, although I certainly had fallen in love with her by then so I was happy to say it back. We had been dating for maybe 3 months at that point and had gone for a late-night drive. We stopped at a rural county park to watch the stars and, sitting at a concrete picnic table by the bbq area, surrounded by darkness and with the stars spread out above us, we professed our love for each other. 🙄🤢. I stopped at that park this summer and found the old bbq area completely overgrown with brush, blackberries, half-grown fir trees, and tall grass. The park was still a functioning county park but that particular section had clearly been abandoned long ago. Despite the neglect the old concrete picnic table was still there, covered in twigs and pine needles and crouching barely visible in the brambles and chest-high grass. It was eerie seeing that spot so overgrown, clearly not having had a human visitor in years yet holding a very clear and vivid memory for me and my wife. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2023, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/17 "2023-08-16T01:43:35Z")
I was certainly tempted to do that but I couldn’t quite get the words out if I didn’t mean it. However, I may have started to fall in love a little more quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2023, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/18 "2023-08-16T01:52:24Z")
The guy who said that to me was definitely trying to get laid. I was 17 and he was about 30, and I had told him he was being too pushy when I wasn’t ready for sex. That’s when he told me he loved me. Dating that guy is not the smartest thing I ever did, but I at least had the good sense to know when someone was snowing me. I do remember feeling guilty about it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2023, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/19 "2023-08-16T05:03:09Z")
I don’t remember, it being over 50 years ago, but it was not normal circumstances. Our first date was when I took her ice skating at the MIT rink when she was visiting a friend. The second was 6 weeks later when I drove from Boston to Williamsburg. We had written lots of letters to each other during that time. So I kind of showed it. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2023, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615/20 "2023-08-16T09:18:59Z")
My ex was the first to open up about her feelings, but I was the first to say “I love you”. She said “I’m in love with you” about a month after our relationship started, as we were making love. But when I told her that I loved her later that day, it freaked her out a little. It took her a year before she told me she loved me, and she only said it after I’d made a comment about it following a mild argument. She said it again the next day and added “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually”. From then on, we said it to each other daily. As for the ones before her, I really don’t remember. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-say-i-love-you-first/988615.md?page=2)