# Did you share your sexual history with your current SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911 "2009-03-26T20:04:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LVBoPeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/858c86/32.png) [@LVBoPeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVBoPeep)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/41 "2009-03-30T02:20:43Z")
My history is not very eventful- one two night stand, and one relationship before the one with my SO now. So not much to share, plus I was a VERY late starter- but also- it’s never really come up and I’d rather not talk about it anyways. On the other hand, my boyfriend has had numerous partners starting in his teens and I’ve heard WAY too much about that! ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/42 "2009-03-30T02:48:19Z")
A going away party was thrown for me once, and I realized after that four of the 15 people present were exes…Then I also realized that none of those four knew the status she shared with the others, because I never talk about the past. It made the party go a lot more smoothly. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/43 "2009-03-30T03:47:36Z")
I’ve never had an SO per say but for partners I’ve had I would always share my history… none of which was true though. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/44 "2009-03-30T12:12:22Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > I’ve never had an SO per say but for partners I’ve had I would always share my history… none of which was true though. Why would you lie? To spare feelings? Just curious. BTW, I DID tell my SO about the encounter that I was concerned about. She asked a few questions and then shrugged it off…she seemed kind of amused about the whole thing. Good for her, I don’t know if I would have been as cool about it. The reason it came up escapes me, but it was after a night of drinking and loose lips. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/45 "2009-03-30T12:19:02Z")
> [@Uncommon\_Sense](#): > > The reason it came up escapes me, but it was after a night of drinking and loose lips. Are you absolutely certain you want to say it in those terms? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/46 "2009-03-30T12:31:52Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > A going away party was thrown for me once, and I realized after that four of the 15 people present were exes…Then I also realized that none of those four knew the status she shared with the others, because I never talk about the past. > > It made the party go a lot more smoothly. I don’t know about that. I’ve been at plenty of parties where the web of known relationships is pretty thick, but grownups just treat them for what they are - something you have vaguely in common in the past which - like medical treatments you’ve both had - you don’t bring up in polite company. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/47 "2009-03-30T12:36:14Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Are you absolutely certain you want to say it in those terms? No ships were sunk. If that’s what you mean.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fake_Tales_of_San_Francisco)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/48 "2009-03-30T13:00:25Z")
We talked about absolutely everything. Well, really we began talking about it before the relationship started proper, just curious about each other, you know? I don’t know why I should be jealous or annoyed about what she has done in the past, and vice versa. In fact, I talk about that kind of thing with many people, not just her. It’s just not a taboo or uncomfortable subject for me. We’ve talked sex and discussed it all with the family around (when the kids have gone off to sleep of course :rolleyes: ). Knowing this stuff doesn’t phase me, and I’m quite an imaginative person. I suppose I don’t even find the images disturbing. Bit of a turn on really. :dubious: I was the first person to give her an orgasm, she thought she was previously incapable of it. For some reason that makes me feel awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/49 "2009-03-30T13:35:17Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Wait… you don’t know when or how your husband lost his virginity? I might start a thread just about this – isn’t that one of those stories you tell your SO (assuming it wasn’t with them), like your first kiss, or first crush? And he doesn’t know about me. I would have told him if he wanted to know though. I will say, we are very happy together, despite this quirk of his. Very happy indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/50 "2009-03-30T13:50:18Z")
> [@davekhps](#): > > Oh, one other thing: the one time you DEFINITELY bring up sex with an ex- is when your new GF/BF is going to meet said ex-. > > Meaning, you never walk into a situation where you know your current SO is going to meet someone you slept with without giving full disclosure to your SO. > > I mean, sure, you can _hope_ that nothing comes up. . . but this is one of those things where at least IME the awkwardness of disclosure is far, far less than the downside of your SO finding out after the fact (or during a conversation with your ex-). Yeah, this is the one situation where it’s helpful to say “Yes, and then you’ll meet Emily. I used to date her. Aren’t you so much cuter?” 😛 At my age the romantic histories (and the lives for that matter) are still short enough that you generally get the major parts of the relationship history along with the basic background. Pretty much the only time I asked for specific information that hadn’t already been shared was when I was meeting an SO’s old friends and didn’t want to walk into an uncomfortable situation. As for providing information, I’m not above drawing a timeline of the major relationships, saying how many people i’ve had sex with, or mentioning what i’ve done (though generally I wouldn’t say who with), but I tend to assume that if the SO wants to know they’ll ask. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/51 "2009-03-30T14:38:56Z")
> [@Uncommon\_Sense](#): > > Why would you lie? To spare feelings? Just curious. It’s a matter of relating to the other person to _avoid_ preventing something interesting from happening… I don’t want to appear over-experienced or in my earlier days, under-experienced. The last thing you want is uncomfortable sex. There are benefits to this for both parties in my opinion. A. Appearing over experienced may worry the other person.. Woman’s reaction: What, you’ve fucked 40 other girls this year!.. What am I, you’re dirty liittle WHORE!!! You bastard!.. I can’t believe it! I thought you were a sweet guy!.. _Throws lamp and runs off crying_ Guy’s reaction: Oh, you’ve fucked 40 other people this year.. _Puts on 4 more condoms and wraps body in Saran Wrap_ B. Appearing under experienced gives the impression you have no idea what you’re doing and in turn you may lose out on something interesting.. Woman’s reaction: Oh.. that’s it..? Girl thinks to self “I’ve had 40 other partners and this guy has maybe 20 mins of experience, I guess we won’t be doing anal then. I just won’t even bring it up it might tell him I’m weird.” It’s more so likely a guy would wait for the girl to bring up something kinky.. So odds are it wouldn’t even get mentioned. Guy’s reaction: Oh.. you’re a virgin?.. Damn, and I was hoping I could plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/52 "2009-03-30T22:04:49Z")
> [@Engineer\_Dude](#): > > After knowing her for 5 months, I finally admitted that yes, (at the time) I was a virgin. At 26. > > She didn’t run in terror like I expected. Just kind of shrugged her shoulders and said OK. Hey, same here. After a few months (think it was a bit less, maybe two) I admitted being a virgin to my ex. She told me a while later that her daughter had told her that she had guessed that already and had seen it “hanging off me” :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/53 "2009-03-30T23:21:28Z")
I’ve shared my complete sexual history with my wife. Hell, if you’re together for 27 years, it’s just plain going to come up. And she’s shared hers with me. She’s met some of my exes. For some reason, most of the women I’ve been with have been bisexual, and one in particular was very vocal and specific about cunnilingus technique - being fairly expert at it herself and expecting expertise in her partners. I’m indebted to her for teaching me - and my wife has expressed gratitude to her as well. I don’t get the jealousy about a partner’s exes. Those relationships are over, and they are with you now. Be a grown-up. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/54 "2009-03-31T00:26:39Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > It’s a matter of relating to the other person to _avoid_ preventing something interesting from happening… I don’t want to appear over-experienced or in my earlier days, under-experienced. The last thing you want is uncomfortable sex. > > There are benefits to this for both parties in my opinion. > > A. Appearing over experienced may worry the other person.. > > Woman’s reaction: > What, you’ve fucked 40 other girls this year!.. What am I, you’re dirty liittle WHORE!!! You bastard!.. I can’t believe it! I thought you were a sweet guy!.. _Throws lamp and runs off crying_ > > Guy’s reaction: Oh, you’ve fucked 40 other people this year.. _Puts on 4 more condoms and wraps body in Saran Wrap_ > B. Appearing under experienced gives the impression you have no idea what you’re doing and in turn you may lose out on something interesting.. > > Woman’s reaction: > Oh.. that’s it..? Girl thinks to self “I’ve had 40 other partners and this guy has maybe 20 mins of experience, I guess we won’t be doing anal then. I just won’t even bring it up it might tell him I’m weird.” > It’s more so likely a guy would wait for the girl to bring up something kinky.. So odds are it wouldn’t even get mentioned. > > Guy’s reaction: > Oh.. you’re a virgin?.. Damn, and I was hoping I could plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas. If someone reacted to my sexual past with any of those things, I would know they weren’t someone I wanted to be with anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/55 "2009-03-31T06:15:22Z")
No. I don’t believe that we have to share everything. I don’t tell him my friend’s confidences either. I am fiercely discrete, and expect the same from him. If anything I find my husband to be loose-lipped, and so far I only know he once had a girlfriend called Eve (which is why he refused to name our daughter by that name). He owes his exes discretion, it happened between them. Same for me. Obviously YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911/56 "2009-03-31T23:52:00Z")
Pretty much had to share the who and when, because sexual history was essentially marital history for both of us. And we’ve talked about some other specifics because I’ve had some issues stemming from abuse in my first marriage. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-you-share-your-sexual-history-with-your-current-so/490911.md?page=2)