# Did your parents hit you? And how did you turn out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 3, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762 "2011-11-03T17:59:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/1 "2011-11-03T17:59:47Z")
Question as in the OP - poll coming momentarily. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/2 "2011-11-03T18:05:55Z")
You’re going to need to define “hit.” I was spanked, but never slapped or hit with a fist or implement anywhere other than my bottom (hairbrush, belt). Do you mean what most people would consider reasonable physical punishment, or something like the video from Texas? ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/3 "2011-11-03T18:07:49Z")
spanked for sure - not the belt beat-down that they are talking about in the pit. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/4 "2011-11-03T18:07:50Z")
There needs to be an option between rarely and often, but I chose the latter. And yes, spanking, not beating. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/5 "2011-11-03T18:10:47Z")
Yes. Never punching or bruising. Mostly slapping and shoving and the occasional thing thrown at me and once a bleeding scratch on my face. Isolated incidents may not seem so bad, but they weren’t isolated incidents. My childhood was a neverending barrage of personal insults and screaming and broken glass. And what felt like very legitimate and real threats of death from an out of control, mentally ill mother. It went on for hours and it was frightening, degrading and humiliating. It was absolutely traumatizing. I required very expensive therapy. I am pretty much over it now. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/6 "2011-11-03T18:11:46Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > You’re going to need to define “hit.” I was spanked, but never slapped or hit with a fist or implement anywhere other than my bottom (hairbrush, belt). Do you mean what most people would consider reasonable physical punishment, or something like the video from Texas? I was going to say. I was screamed at, shaken, flung up against walls, pinched, had my arm twisted, threatened with everything up to and including death…Do I have to go on or is that enough? But there was very little **hitting** with fists or open hands, never with a belt, and only occasionally with spoons or a paddle. So according to my parents, I didn’t get “hit”. (Okay, there were a few times when it was just a spanking, and it was justified. But those were during the good years. During the bad years, anything could happen and a lot did.) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/7 "2011-11-03T18:13:20Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > You’re going to need to define “hit.” I was spanked, but never slapped or hit with a fist or implement anywhere other than my bottom (hairbrush, belt). Do you mean what most people would consider reasonable physical punishment, or something like the video from Texas? I mean whatever happened to you. Feel free to elaborate in a response, but getting hit is getting hit - an object or body part impacting with you at speed. Spanking is hitting. Beating is more severe hitting. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/8 "2011-11-03T18:15:52Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I was going to say. I was screamed at, shaken, flung up against walls, pinched, had my arm twisted, threatened with everything up to and including death…Do I have to go on or is that enough? But there was very little **hitting** with fists or open hands, never with a belt, and only occasionally with spoons or a paddle. So according to my parents, I didn’t get “hit”. > > (Okay, there were a few times when it was just a spanking, and it was justified. But those were during the good years. During the bad years, anything could happen and a lot did.) Yeah. I remember my Mom’s honest-to-god confusion about how she possibly could have been abusive. ‘‘I never hit you with a closed fist.’’ Okay, well, being pinned to the ground with my arms held down so you could slap me repeatedly in the face with your loving open palm wasn’t exactly TLC. (ETA: My Mom now recognizes what she did as abuse and has apologized profusely. She really did do her best at the time.) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/9 "2011-11-03T18:18:10Z")
We’d get the occasional swat on the butt, always with a hand, never with anything else. I never smacked my own kid - she mostly responded well to time-out, altho in later years she confessed to cheating - like lying on the floor looking around the corner to watch TV when she was supposed to be sitting in the corner in the hallway. Sneaky little kid… We had a neighbor who used to use a wooden spoon on her kids. I thought that was terrible, but her kids turned out pretty good, except for the youngest, but I don’t think that has anything to do with the spoon. He’s just not too smart with money. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/10 "2011-11-03T18:18:47Z")
**olives** , we really seem to parallel each other at times. Oh, and I forgot the “How did you turn out?” half of the question. How I turned out was a perfect target for bullies. That’s all I care to say this fine morning. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/11 "2011-11-03T18:26:28Z")
I was occasionally spanked, only on my butt, and it must have been for a bad transgression because my parents and I have a very mutually respectful relationship. I don’t even remember what I was getting spanked for. Never slapped across the face and certainly never “beaten”. The only one I remember is for leaving food garbage in the livingroom because it would attract bugs. My mom told me over and over and one day I guess I left a banana peel in there and she’d had enough of telling me. I think that was the last time I got spanked and I would have been about 8 years old. When I was little I got spanked with a wooden paint stir stick, the flyswatter, a two-holed belt, or just their open hand. Come to think of it, it was the THREAT of a spanking that I remember. (“Don’t make me get the paint stick!”) I must have been hit at least once to have the fear of those objects instilled in me, but for the life of me I don’t remember it. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/12 "2011-11-03T18:28:18Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > It was absolutely traumatizing. I required very expensive therapy. > > I am pretty much over it now. So would it be fair to say that you did NOT turn out fine? I mean, I know that you’ve done a lot of work on yourself, but without that work would you now be a mess? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/13 "2011-11-03T18:30:19Z")
Its was not rare, but not that often. Mostly slaps, but I remember a slipper, a belt, a table tennis raquet and once a monkey bar. My parents were/are good parents and I like to think I turned out well. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/14 "2011-11-03T18:30:20Z")
I was spanked as a little kid, and I spanked my own kids when they were little. In both cases it was a few swats on a clothed bottom with an open hand. Everyone turned out fine. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/15 "2011-11-03T18:33:52Z")
I was spanked a number of times, slapped once and pushed to the ground once. I turned out fine, deserved all the spankings and basically pushed my dad to a breaking point for the other two things. ---
**Author:** ![Koldanar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@Koldanar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koldanar)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/16 "2011-11-03T18:35:39Z")
According to my mother (and memories of me being older than 5 or so) I only ever got struck if I struck first. And that took me two times to learn. (I was very reactive to time out type punishments. Tell an ADD kid to sit in the corner and do nothing? No reading, no anything? I HATED that.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/17 "2011-11-03T18:37:50Z")
My story isn’t as bad as olives’ or Rilchiam, since most of it was emotional and psychological abuse, but I had my share of spankings, which I don’t resent too much, and one or two actual beatings which I would consider abuse. One was with high heels, which was particularly brutal. And pinching of course was common. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/18 "2011-11-03T18:39:28Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > So would it be fair to say that you did NOT turn out fine? I mean, I know that you’ve done a lot of work on yourself, but without that work would you now be a mess? Absolutely. I thought that was obvious. I had full-blown PTSD for at least a decade because of it. I couldn’t sleep at night, and I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was particularly sensitive to loud noises. I couldn’t even walk past a person with their hands in their pockets without flinching out of fear of attack. ‘‘Getting over it’’ required intensive prolonged exposure therapy two hours a day, seven days a week, for three months. I’ve been meaning to start a thread about the awesomeness of exposure therapy. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/19 "2011-11-03T18:39:16Z")
I was spanked as whatever adult in charge deemed appropriate, generally for repeated deliberate misbehavior and with multiple warnings. Nobody feels the least bit bad about those. Mom lost her shit and slapped me once or twice and threw a coffee cup at my head once, though I think she was actually aiming at my brother. Those incidents bother her a _lot_ more than they bother me; she felt and still feels absolutely horrible about them, and I shrugged them off almost immediately. Especially the coffee cup–my brother was (and likely still is) an _incredibly_ frustrating person to live with and I frequently wanted to bludgeon him myself. Near as I can tell, I turned out fine. A little curmudgeonly and obstructively cynical, maybe, but that’s a function of the people _outside_ my family. No smoking, no drug use, no inappropriate drinking, no promiscuity or history of violence, no apparent mental health issues, no difficulties maintaining personal relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762/20 "2011-11-03T18:40:23Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > **olives** , we really seem to parallel each other at times. > > Oh, and I forgot the “How did you turn out?” half of the question. How I turned out was a perfect target for bullies. That’s all I care to say this fine morning. I’m with them. I don’t recall getting hit much, but I was paddled with a big-ass paddle. Once my dad had me backed up against the dining room wall by my throat with his big fist drawn back. As I was waiting for him to punch the shit out of me so I could go call CPS, my stepmom stepped in between us and sent me out of the room. If it wasn’t physical violence, it was emotional manipulation using mostly fear, guilt, and shame. I also turned out not only a perfect target for bullies, but an excellent mark for manipulative, controlling, abusive assholes. It took a couple of decades and some therapy to finally be able to figure out how to be in a healthy relationship. That recovery also required moving 1,200 miles away from my family, with whom I have very little contact. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-your-parents-hit-you-and-how-did-you-turn-out/601762.md?page=2)