# Difference between heterosexual and homosexual attraction (other than the obvious) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 10, 2016, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498 "2016-03-10T01:30:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/1 "2016-03-10T01:30:27Z")
I realize this question has surely been posed before, and that nobody has had two different brains in their life, but are gay men attracted to men in much the same way that heterosexual women are attracted to men, and are lesbians attracted to women in much the same way that heterosexual men are attracted to women? Mentally and emotionally, what are the main differences? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/2 "2016-03-10T01:41:38Z")
They are attracted to them in the same exact way than anybody else is attracted to anybody else. In other words, they are humans. Each is different in what they are attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/3 "2016-03-10T01:49:05Z")
Especially if you are talking about mental and emotional factors. That is going to be absolutely individual. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/4 "2016-03-10T02:02:28Z")
Yes, people are different, like snowflakes, but even snowflakes share 90% commonality. “Everyone’s different” is a bit of a cop-out answer. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/5 "2016-03-10T02:14:09Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > …but even snowflakes share 90% commonality… Where do you get that from? As to your OP, unless someone is familiar with research on the subject, all you’re going to get is opinion, which is what you are getting, so not sure what else you expect. But at least you posted your question in the right forum! ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/6 "2016-03-10T02:21:41Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes, people are different, like snowflakes, but even snowflakes share 90% commonality. “Everyone’s different” is a bit of a cop-out answer. Well if “everyone is different” is a cop out, all we are left with is “(other than the obvious)” ---
**Author:** ![F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.Pu-du-he-pa-as)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/7 "2016-03-10T03:01:28Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I realize this question has surely been posed before, and that nobody has had two different brains in their life, but are gay men attracted to men in much the same way that heterosexual women are attracted to men, and are lesbians attracted to women in much the same way that heterosexual men are attracted to women? > > Mentally and emotionally, what are the main differences? I don’t have two different brains, but I’m bisexual, and…being attracted to women and men feels pretty much exactly the same. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/8 "2016-03-10T03:40:35Z")
I don’t know. I do wonder if gay men view gay men the way heterosexual men view women. I assume men are more intimidated and obsessed with physical attractiveness over women. Women like it, but I don’t think they care on the same level that men do. > **[How Our Brains Turn Women Into Objects](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-our-brains-turn-women-into-objects/)** > > There is, it turns out, more than one kind of "objectification" Anyway, I don’t know. Also do lesbians look for status, resources and income when looking for a lesbian mate the way heterosexual women look for those things in a male (does a lesbian woman respond to a rich and famous woman the same way a heterosexual woman responds to a rich and famous man)? Do gay men look for youth in a fellow gay man the way heterosexuals men look for youth in women? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/9 "2016-03-10T03:49:23Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Also do lesbians look for status, resources and income when looking for a lesbian mate the way heterosexual women look for those things in a male (does a lesbian woman respond to a rich and famous woman the same way a heterosexual woman responds to a rich and famous man)? Do gay men look for youth in a fellow gay man the way heterosexuals men look for youth in women? Again, this might be a cop out, but it depends on the person. I know lesbians who for all other aspects act like a typical girl, but just happen to be attracted to other girls. And I know plenty of lesbians who are way over the top in how manly they act. And everything in between. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/10 "2016-03-10T04:23:15Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Again, this might be a cop out, but it depends on the person. I know lesbians who for all other aspects act like a typical girl, but just happen to be attracted to other girls. And I know plenty of lesbians who are way over the top in how manly they act. And everything in between. People are individuals with individual tastes, but by and large men find women closer to menarche more attractive than women closer to menopause while women find men with fame, power, status and wealth more attractive than men who are nobodies. Generally those hold true, but do they hold true in gay attraction? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/11 "2016-03-10T04:34:25Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > People are individuals with individual tastes, but by and large men find women closer to menarche more attractive than women closer to menopause while women find men with fame, power, status and wealth more attractive than men who are nobodies. Generally those hold true, but do they hold true in gay attraction? I feel like I’m repeating myself here. But in my experience, the ones who act “manly” act manly, therefore into attractive women and such. And the “girly” ones, guess what, act girly, attracted to wealth and what not. And everything in the middle in every mix you can imagine. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/12 "2016-03-10T04:39:22Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > People are individuals with individual tastes, but by and large men find women closer to menarche more attractive than women closer to menopause while women find men with fame, power, status and wealth more attractive than men who are nobodies. Generally those hold true, but do they hold true in gay attraction? Speaking as one gay man, no. I don’t find fame, power, status or wealth particularly motivating or attractive (I have none of those things myself, except enough money to be comfortable). I confess to generally finding younger men more superficially attractive than older men, but that dissipates quickly when they open their mouths to speak. By which I mean that I seem to have little or nothing in common with most men who are more than 10 years younger than me, and so the prospect of a long-term relationship with one of them is not interesting. eta: I dispute, in passing, your generalizations. In my admittedly limited experience, some people are like that but many are not. Regarding women, there is the storied appeal of the “bad boy” who has nothing but a hot body to recommend him. Probably equally as valid a stereotype as yours. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/13 "2016-03-10T05:05:02Z")
I am attracted to both men and women, but I have not had a relationship with a woman. Speaking solely of physical attraction, I do not feel any difference between sexes when I am observing someone I find appealing. I can’t say for sure what the emotional and mental aspects of being in a relationship with a woman would be like for me, but I am guessing that they wouldn’t be much different than with a man. Also, I don’t suppose I’ll ever find out. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/14 "2016-03-10T05:48:02Z")
I think in general gay men’s sexual attraction to other men is not quite the same as women’s attraction to men. Gay men are still men physiologically and brain chemical wise and seduction between gay men is (generally but not always) somewhat more aggressive and direct than the way a heterosexual man would typically approach a woman. However, these are simply tendencies you could have the exact opposite scenario or variations thereon in any given situation. As evidence[here are pick up tips for gay men.](http://cypheravenue.com/art-of-seduction-the-top-12-ways-to-pick-up-gaybisexual-men-of-color/) They are all over the place re style. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/15 "2016-03-10T05:57:08Z")
I dont see gay women using their boobs to attract other women the way they do to attract men. I’ve never heard of a gay man driving a fancy sports car to attract other men. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/16 "2016-03-10T07:07:41Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes, people are different, like snowflakes, but even snowflakes share 90% commonality. “Everyone’s different” is a bit of a cop-out answer. OT, but think–we are closer to chimpanzees than one snowflake is to another! ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/17 "2016-03-10T09:40:32Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I dont see gay women using their boobs to attract other women the way they do to attract men. > > I’ve never heard of a gay man driving a fancy sports car to attract other men. We’ll add this to the long list of things you don’t know about homosexuals. Lesbians like boobs thus some lesbians dress to show them off and attract other girls. I know plenty of gay men who buy fancy cars to be perceived favorable by other gay men. High end car brands advertise extensively in magazines for gay men for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/18 "2016-03-10T15:24:39Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I dont see gay women using their boobs to attract other women the way they do to attract men. > > I’ve never heard of a gay man driving a fancy sports car to attract other men. Well if you of all people haven’t heard of something, it must not be true then. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/19 "2016-03-10T15:38:11Z")
> [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](#): > > I don’t have two different brains, but I’m bisexual, and…being attracted to women and men feels pretty much exactly the same. Same here. I’m attracted to what’s inside a person…but also to how they feel about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2016, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498/20 "2016-03-10T16:28:33Z")
Gay guy here. Decades ago, when I was still trying to sort things out, I thought that I responded to men the same way a straight guy responded to women. But I was stereotyping those straight men, as well as myself. Since then, I’ve come to realize that we are as much individuals as anyone else. Sure, there are those who chase after younger men or drive flashy sports cars . . . but I’m attracted to people of any age, and I drive the car that fits my needs. It’s not a cop-out to say “everyone’s different.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difference-between-heterosexual-and-homosexual-attraction-other-than-the-obvious/748498.md?page=2)