A few of the items below are embellished just a bit for effect but I honestly belief that most conservatives believe most of what is below, though perhaps worded a bit less directly.
What this liberal believes that conservatives believe:
Every person makes every decision based on taxes. If their state taxes go up, they’ll move. If US taxes are increased, they’ll move overseas.
Taxes must always be lowered. Raising taxes in any way will always result in more unemployment. Lowering taxes always creates jobs. Tax cuts pay for themselves in economic growth and more revenue is the result.
There is always waste and fraud to cut in government, and that will more than justify any tax cut. It is never necessary to actually point out specific cuts, those will come later.
People are poor because they are morally inferior. We should drug test them before we give them a nickel, even if it means their innocent children are the ones that will suffer.
Government can’t do anything right, except for [heavenly choir ON/] the military [\heavenly choir OFF]
It is good policy to deny government aid to 1000 needy people in order to prevent one person from abusing the system.
When the choice must be made between corporate profits and preserving the environment, the corporate profit MUST always prevail.
Unions are the instruments of the devil and serve to usurp corporations’ God-given right to pay their employees as little as humanly possible.
The only legitimate function of higher education is to train workers to serve the corporation.
Voter fraud is a pervasive problem and probably accounts for every Democratic victory. It is well worth disenfranchising 10,000 people by voter ID requirements so to eliminate a single fraudulent vote.
The nation was founded for the benefit of straight white Christian males. All others have no basis for complaint as they shouldn’t be here in the first place.
Democratic presidents are illegitimate and should no longer exercise their duties once an election year begins. If counting slaves as 3/5 of a person was good enough for The Founders, then a black president should only get 3/5 of a term. Unless of course Ben Carson was president.
George W. Bush’s term began Sept 12, 2001 and he kept us safe.
A zygote has all the rights of a fully formed human.
The Founding Fathers were infallible and the views of 18th century agrarian slave-owning aristocrats are gospel even in a 21st century diverse industrialized nation.
There is a war on Christianity and none of us are allowed to say Merry Christmas anymore.
Israel is infallible and we must never question it. The Jews have to be in Jerusalem for The Rapture to occur, at which time they’ll all go directly to hell for killing Jesus.
The Cuban embargo must be maintained in perpetuity because they’re Communists.
The police are infallible and every unarmed black person they kill damn well deserved to die.
The troops are just the most wonderfullest people ever and we must verbally fellate them at each and every holiday. Funding veterans services is another matter altogether.
Guns are the most awesome things ever and the only part of the Constitution worth reading is The Second Half Of The Second Amendment.
There isn’t a problem in the world that wouldn’t be solved by sending in troops and/or turning their land into radioactive glass.
Despite the fact that the US spends nearly as much on its military as the rest of the world combined, the military needs to be strengthened which can only happen with a Republican president.
America is exceptional and is God’s chosen country.
There is a movement afoot to take “Under God” out of The Sacred Pledge Of Allegiance and “In God We Trust” off of currency. These are probably communist in origin.
We must put prayer back in public schools, providing they are Christian in nature.
One of the president’s jobs is to sprint to a microphone and shout “terrorism” whenever more than two people are killed at once. If the perpetrators happen to be Muslim, the president MUST utter the words “Islamic terrorism” as soon as humanly possible. This makes a BIG difference.
There are hordes of scary brown people being sent by Mexico to steal our jobs and go after all the white women. They’re getting free housing, food, education, and health care the minute they step over the border.
It is possible for a corporation to have a religious faith and thus they should be able to refuse to subsidize contraception for their employees, lest these employees think they can have sex and “get away with it”.