# Difficult - card for the terminally ill **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 5, 2005, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515 "2005-02-05T13:20:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/1 "2005-02-05T13:20:07Z")
I know someone (between “acquaintance” and “good friend”) who has had a cancer relapse and is probably terminal. In addition to visiting him at the hospital, I’d like to send a card or something. Apparently, even Hallmark hasn’t quite developed a mass-produced card for this sort of situation. “Get well soon” seems wildly inappropriate, not to mention extremely unlikely at this point. “Sympathy” is most certainly premature I’m thinking about _making_ a card - he’s quite the model-maker, airplane builder (not just model - he’s been working on a full-size, two-seat biplane, too) and so forth so would certainly appreciate a handmade object. Hmm… any suggestions? Particuarly for words to put within - visual themes aren’t too difficult in this case, as I’m familar with several of his interests. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/2 "2005-02-05T14:05:08Z")
Something along the lines of “thinking of you” or “you mean a lot to me”? Not those words exactly, but that type of sentiment? Maybe a few lines from a poem you like, or a quotation about adversity or the meaning of life? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/3 "2005-02-05T14:10:05Z")
There are cards that simply say “HI” on the front and are blank on the inside. You could write a note telling the person how much you’ve enjoyed having him in your life. If not now, when? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/4 "2005-02-05T14:15:43Z")
Personally I would prefer something funny under those circumstances so I would buy a little rubber band powered balsa plane for him to fly around his room and a plain card in which I’d write “I didn’t know if you’d have time for a bigger project but idle hands and all that…” Years ago I gave a severely ill friend a card while he was still hospitalised. The card contained a $10 bill and said, “Get out of that bed and buy your own fucking flowers.” It was his favourite card but you have to know your audience I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/5 "2005-02-05T23:20:32Z")
Yeah, that’s the problem - knowing the audience. The man has lost his flying privileges for good - that’s a horrible psychological blow on top of everything else. Not sure if reminding him of the biplane he’s likely never to finish is a good thing… On the other hand, I recently acquired a couple books full of quotes about flying, that might be worth considering as a gift… Yeah, the poetry/quote thing is a good idea… but WHAT? And while this man is someone I know and care enough to visit in the hospital, we aren’t surpremely close friends, we don’t have a hugely long “history”. Mainly, we have common interests in aviation and we’ve both been to Europe and we both own too many books. He’s got a LOT of anger bottled up inside - understandable, under the circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/6 "2005-02-06T01:16:46Z")
I was in this same situation last year. I found _some card_, somewhere, that sort of worked. I can’t remember now what card company or what store I found it in. Not much help, I know, but there are cards out there that suit this situation. They’re just not easy to find. Good hunting. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/7 "2005-02-06T13:18:59Z")
> [@don't ask](#): > > Years ago I gave a severely ill friend a card while he was still hospitalised. The card contained a $10 bill and said, “Get out of that bed and buy your own fucking flowers.” It was his favourite card but you have to know your audience I guess. My new personal hero! taking notes for future reference that I hope I never need. The last thing someone who is very badly mostly terminal ill needs is a sympathy card. IMHO. I’d got for funny cards with cartoons or nearly naked chicks or something on the cover. The man clearly needs a laugh. Of course, you gotta know your target. Lottery tickets are always good for a quick diversion. Crossword puzzles, word searches, a newspaper, Weekly World New (ooooh WWN…who can resist?) anything to bust the monotony. Maybe you can buy him a little die cast airplane for him to play around with in the hospital. Two of them for dogfights. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/8 "2005-02-06T14:11:26Z")
I’d say something funny. But it’s hard not to be in bad taste sometimes (for example, I’d find a shirt that said “I had cancer and all they gave me was this shitty haircut and this stupid t-shirt” funny, of course, they very more than likely would not) But sometimes even the simplest thing will remind them of what they can’t do anymore. You gotta know the person. I’d say a book, give them something to pass the time in hospital. ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/9 "2005-02-06T15:02:42Z")
I’d reiterate that possibly the last thing he needs/wants is sympathy. If you give him a balsa plane with a rubber band prop, give him some dental floss to tie to it, so he can retrieve it. A bumper sticker for his bed that says “I’d rather be flying” (conversely, he could save it for his coffin. (mine’s gonna say "I’d rather be canoeing)) How about a rubik’s cube, but peel the stickers off, and put them back on in a way that makes solving impossible. Or maybe one of those little gizmos that makes loud farting noises when you press a button. He can torment the nurses with that. Or a gun that shoots smoke rings. Sorry, it’s really hard to help with wording, without knowing the guy well. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/10 "2005-02-07T03:03:39Z")
I’d agree with all the others, but if you do want a hallmark card, they do make them. My hallmark has a section within each section of specialized cards (cards for hospital-sick children and cards for breast cancer, etc are in the get well subsection). ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-card-for-the-terminally-ill/288515/11 "2005-02-07T03:51:04Z")
I’ve seen a section for cards for the terminally ill. It was near the sympathy and get well cards. I can’t imagine that the US would have smaller selections than us (I’d put money on it being the other way around), so I’d suggest taking another look, perhaps try a few different places. It does exist! I guarantee it. Would I lie? And I’m very, very sorry about your friend.