# Difficult day. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 17, 2007, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001 "2007-10-17T04:31:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/1 "2007-10-17T04:31:07Z")
This morning my husband got home from his 24 hour shift at the fire station. The first words out of his mouth were: “One of the crew committed suicide last night.” It was someone on another shift, but still, a brother-in-arms. Hubby was obviously very upset. I am upset too. I’d never met him, but this brought everything about my son’s death right back into today. I feel selfish for falling into my own feelings when Hubby has a real reason for feeling bad. I’m doing my best to stay positive and supportive for him. It’s hard. Maybe tomorrow will be better… for both of us. I’m not looking for hugs or pats on the head, I just needed to vent. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/2 "2007-10-17T08:56:33Z")
Sorry to hear about this, **picunurse**. You have my sympathies. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/3 "2007-10-17T09:29:52Z")
Gah, that sounds lousy. ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/4 "2007-10-17T12:46:14Z")
I’m sorry to hear about your rough day. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/5 "2007-10-17T13:28:35Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] I feel selfish for falling into my own feelings when Hubby has a real reason for feeling bad. [/QUOTE] Your son died. You’re allowed to feel bad about that. It’s not selfish. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/6 "2007-10-17T13:52:59Z")
I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. I think you’re having a perfectly natural, human-nature type reaction where we (people, I mean), try to put things into the context of our own experiences to try to gain better understanding. It really sucks you guys are going through this. I hope tomorrow _is_ better, for both of you! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/7 "2007-10-17T18:56:09Z")
I’m sorry to hear of this loss, and the memories it brings back. \*\*norinew \*\* said it exactly right. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/8 "2007-10-17T19:01:19Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] I just needed to vent. [/QUOTE] Have at it. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/9 "2007-10-17T19:03:52Z")
The first love of my life attempted suicide. It was a very tough time for me. Now I am deeply affected by the news of suicide. I think it a reasonable response on your part. Your son’s death had a huge impact. I see no reason to feel guilty for your feelings. I am so sorry to hear your news. Sending supporting thoughts your way. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/10 "2007-10-17T22:26:03Z")
Thank you all. Today is a better day. I made reservations for us to spend Hubby’s next 5 days off at the beach, watching the the waves crash. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/11 "2007-10-17T22:30:15Z")
Sorry I missed this yesterday. Glad you’ll be able to get away to grieve and recharge and be together. GT ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/12 "2007-10-18T00:26:40Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] Thank you all. Today is a better day. I made reservations for us to spend Hubby’s next 5 days off at the beach, watching the the waves crash. [/QUOTE] Sounds like a great plan! ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/13 "2007-10-18T00:32:28Z")
Do you think you need to feel positive for him? Perhaps you could share his sorrow. Not indulge, but mourn some more. Together. I think you know that I’m not saying this off the cuff, that I experienced with my sister what you experienced with your son. The ocean is good. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/14 "2007-10-18T03:58:32Z")
[QUOTE=herownself] Do you think you need to feel positive for him? Perhaps you could share his sorrow. Not indulge, but mourn some more. Together. I think you know that I’m not saying this off the cuff, that I experienced with my sister what you experienced with your son. The ocean is good. [/QUOTE] I do share his grief. I’m being supportive, and allowing him to express how his loss makes him feel. My point yesterday, was that his friend’s death brought back the pain I felt with my son’s suicide. Instead of focusing on Hubby’s pain, I focused on my own. It’s better today. He understands what’s going on with me, and we’re talking about both deaths. ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/difficult-day/423001/15 "2007-10-18T04:43:56Z")
I’m glad. It’s really, really hard to find someone to really talk to about that kind of loss. It’s good that he has you, and I’m glad that you have him. And I think that’s what I meant about mourning together - not necessarily feeling for the same person, but both having a part of the feeling. And talking about it. That’s good. In a strange way I envy you. I’ve never had anyone close to me who understood. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to. Talking and the ocean - I do envy you!