# Diner Challenge #1 - Smallest Food Portion **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 22, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diner-challenge-1-smallest-food-portion/597237 "2011-09-22T19:13:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diner-challenge-1-smallest-food-portion/597237/1 "2011-09-22T19:13:55Z")
Background Story (skip if in a hurry): Act 1[spoiler]Setting: Monk’s Cafe, W 112th and Broadway, New York City. (with apologies to NBC) Some long-time friends gather at their customary booth. Jerry: I got here early and ordered tea for us. Elaine: Don’t pour me too much, I’m on a diet. Kramer: So no “big salad” today? Elaine [glumly]: No “big salad”. I guess it’s just a “salad” today. [cue laugh track] Jerry proceeds to pour a single drop of tea into each teacup and serves it with a flourish. “Spot of tea, anyone?” Others [sarcastically]: Hah. George: I smell a new contest brewing… Elaine: Oh, Mister “master of my domain” wants another challenge? George: Yes! This time a hundred bucks says I can dole out the smallest food portion. Jerry: How do we know who wins? Kramer [pulls out two shiny new high-tech gadgets]: I’ve got an industrial calorimeter and a super-accurate scale! Jerry [sing-songy]: Really? How do _you_ have _those_? Kramer: Haven’t you heard? Kruger Industrial Smoothing bought out Kramerica Enterprises. Jackie Chiles got em for me in the settlement. Jerry [sing-songy]: Okay, then how did _Kruger Industrial Smoothing_ have _those_? Kramer: Their customers kept asking how smooth, so they have this division that specializes in making super-accurate measuring devices. George: Okay, so we each order something, then put some of it on a plate. Whomever puts the least wins. Kramer: I’m going to win this by ordering mustard seeds. [quietly] They’re the smallest of seeds. Jerry [with slow emphasis]: You can’t order mustard seed at a diner, you idiot. [laugh track] Kramer: Gesticulates wildly and convulsively for 4 minutes, ending with his hand shooting a gun (index finger) and saying “Giddyup!”[/spoiler] Act 2Elaine: Okay, I’ll use an ice cube. Zero calories. I win! Kramer: You can’t use ice, it’s not a food. Food has calories. So a grain of salt doesn’t count, either. Elaine: Shoot. Jerry: Yeah and you gotta use regular silverware found in the diner to cut your portion. No fair using fancy gadgets from Kruger to slice it down. George: What if I take this toothpick, jab it into a cherry pie and drag a thin line of red pie guts onto the plate? Does that count? Others: No, you can’t do that! George: What if I just dot it? That’s an even smaller amount. Jerry: No, no dotting and especially no double-dipping from you, Mister. Let’s say you gotta drop it onto the plate. Elaine: What if I order a bunch of glasses of water and put a drop of your tea into that, mix it up and put a drop of that into the next cup and so on? Jerry: This isn’t a course in making homeopathic remedies! [laugh track] No dilutions! The others nod in agreement. Jerry: And you can’t take longer than a minute to prepare your portion. Everyone agreed on the rules? Okay, I’m ordering a… How does Act 3 play out? What is ordered and who wins? Challenge summary: What is the smallest (by lowest calories or by smallest weight) non-dilute food portion possible when ordering regular food from a diner that is non-zero calories and dropped onto a clean plate? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diner-challenge-1-smallest-food-portion/597237/2 "2011-09-22T19:15:55Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diner-challenge-1-smallest-food-portion/597237/3 "2011-09-22T19:27:55Z")
Order chicken salad. Remove one piece of celery. Cut one fiber from that piece. This is the meal! ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diner-challenge-1-smallest-food-portion/597237/4 "2011-09-22T19:48:33Z")
Order a green salad and the sharpest knife in the place, and slice off the smallest possible portion of iceberg lettuce (making sure to avoid any dressing). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diner-challenge-1-smallest-food-portion/597237/5 "2011-09-26T20:42:18Z")
I’m thinking a grain of sugar is pretty small. But sugar comes in a yet smaller form. So order a powdered donut. Push the point of a toothpick into the powdered sugar on top. This will pick up a few specks of sugar that cling to the point. Shake the specks onto the clean plate, or scrape it off with a second toothpick. But sugar is pretty high-calorie. Is there any low-cal powdered foods that can be ordered at a diner?