# Dinner manners **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 27, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982 "2010-03-27T02:17:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/41 "2010-03-28T23:29:43Z")
Wow. I had no idea this was considered impolite. But then, I don’t usually pay attention to how other people cut their meat, so I can’t fathom why anyone would pay attention to how I cut mine. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/42 "2010-03-29T13:45:56Z")
Whatever you do, don’t hold your knife or fork in your fist, even while cutting. \ ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/43 "2010-03-29T14:13:48Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > He cuts with his left hand by holding a knife in it and making a slashing movement across the food. It works, promise. I’m one of those weirdos who can’t make up our minds whether we’re lefties or righties, and I can assure you that a decent knife cuts properly whether you hold it in the left or the right hand. Really? I did not know that. And a pencil works too no matter which hand it is held in, but for some strange reason beyond mortal comprehension some people hold it in one hand and some people hold it in the other. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/44 "2010-03-29T15:31:41Z")
In third grade (circa 1961) Sister Mary Virginia spent half a semester or so with a class in proper manners. We all learned what I later learned was the British method of knife and fork use. My neighborhood was Italian, so we also learned how to properly twirl spaghetti. My wife cuts her spaghetti into very small pieces and eats it with a spoon. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/45 "2010-03-29T16:12:59Z")
No kidding. Don’t hold your knife or fork in your fist. Don’t “shovel” the food. Don’t lean over your plate so the food has the shortest possible distance to travel into your mouth (unless you’re eating Chinese food with chopsticks, in which case, bring the bowl to you). Don’t gobble. Don’t stuff your mouth so full of food that you have trouble chewing. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Don’t slurp your soup. Don’t slurp your drink. Don’t finish chewing, then take a big sip of your drink and slosh it around in your mouth to wash down all the rest of the food bits–or if you do, don’t slosh so loudly that the rest of the table mistakes you for drinking mouthwash. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/46 "2010-03-29T16:39:04Z")
I make a habit of eating with the hand opposite the one I used to wipe. Because I’m classy, goddamnit. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/47 "2010-03-29T17:11:55Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > American knife / fork work is one of the most inefficent things we do in our efficiency-obsessed society. Yeah, but think of how much fatter we’d all be if it weren’t for that unnecessary calorie expenditure. ---
**Author:** ![minor7flat5](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minor7flat5/32/258_2.png) [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/48 "2010-03-29T17:42:40Z")
My favorite bit of British etiquette: When I’m done eating I always lay my fork and knife parallel on the plate at 4 o’clock. It looks polished and it isn’t annoying to do. > [@Raguleader](#): > > Oh, and of course, who can forget Air Force Basic Military Training eating manners? You grab your food for your tray while looking forward and sidestepping, maintaining tray contact with the trainees next to you (except for trainees of an opposite gender, who you always maintain one-tray-length of separation from, grab three drinks (one has to be water, the other two can be juice), take your tray past the snake-pit and sit where the Chow Runner tells you (front or back of the table), and (typically) stand at the table until you have four people there, then sit and eat. Eat your food as fast as humanly possible without choking to death, leave as soon as you finish your last drink. Never finish before everybody else at the table does, and never slow down to take more time than absolutley needed to eat. Never finish eating before a table before you has finished eating; this is called “Table Humping” and is one of the rudest things you can do. Finish chewing before you stand up to leave, last two trainees at the table consolidate the trays and take them to the clipper. Fall out and form up outside the chow hall before you return to your dormitory. > > Man, I don’t miss Basic at all. 😃 > > ETA: Never ever eat spaghetti, pasta, pizza, or anything else red and saucy/juicy while wearing your Blues. One must not tempt fate. incidentally, while I was stationed at an Army base with significant Air Force presence, the chow hall served spaghetti, pasta, and pizza EVERY FREAKING MONDAY. They didn’t bother with all of that in Navy boot camp. Your entire company went through the chow line very efficiently, controlled by the guy at the turnstile. No dilly dallying while getting the food either. Then everyone sat at whatever table was open in a designated area. The last guy in our company had to shout “Last Man” as he passed the turnstile. At that point the dude with the clipboard hit a stopwatch. I believe the last man was given two minutes to eat. That stopwatch (and your position in line) was the only factor controlling how fast you ate; no fear of offending your shipmates. When time was up, the guy with the clipboard would shout “Company 217 on your feet!” and that was that. Orderly line to the scullery carrying our trays. It sucked to be last man. I’m tall, so I never was the last man (we marched in columns ordered by tallest-to-shortest). ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/49 "2010-03-29T18:25:38Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I have to tell you, that not only do I not think this is typical Canadian o-u-r-but-i-z-e middle road as I’ve never seen any other person in Canada do this, I don’t even think I can imagine what you’re actually doing. > > How to you steady a piece of food with your fork to cut it with your knife if the tines are pointed up? And how do you cut with your left hand? > 😕😕 I had to go and get a fork and knife from the kitchen and pretend to eat with them in order to make sure I was answering this correctly, but: I hold the fork in the right hand like a pen, resting on my middle finger and steadied with the thumb and forefinger. The tines are facing upward, that is, with the concavity of the fork facing the same ways as the upper surface of my thumb. When I hold food down, I tilt the fork downward to spear it. Then I simply cut it with the knife. I don’t think it would make a vast difference to my technique whether I had the tines of the fork pointing up or down, so if I were forced to choose, I guess I’d just turn the fork over and try to pass for a left-handed Briton. I doubt very much that I could successfully manipulate a fork with my left hand, at least not on my first try. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/50 "2010-03-29T20:01:51Z")
> [@mnemosyne](#): > > I wouldn’t be offended but I would certainly think it was weird and perhaps be a little embarrassed depending on the location/restaurant/context of the meal. Cutting all the food up first is something done for children, and so it’s an odd thing to see when adults do it. It seems juvenile. I agree, it’s a little on the inelegant, but not offensive. I’d be embarrassed if we were at a fine dining establishment where the steak was well-prepared though, particularly if the chef saw us. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/51 "2010-03-29T20:48:56Z")
Oh fuck twirling spaghetti. I break it into four before I boil it and then I have nice short pieces on my plate that I don’t have to worry about. Sure enough, if I am out somewhere that has given me long pieces, I will chop it up on my plate so that it is managable. Get over it, it’s only pasta. As for cutting up the meat all at once, what is the big deal? I don’t do that, but I can consider that someone with tooth/denture problems may decide that they need to, or hell, maybe they just want to get it over so that they can concentrate on socializing over their meal without stopping to watch the knife while they cut. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/52 "2010-03-29T20:58:36Z")
Wow, the Army seems really modern compared to you marines and airmen. Even in 1989 basic training. We had 1/2 hour from the time we fell out of formation until we had to be back in formation. We could sit anywhere, and eat anything that was served except deserts (yogurt wasn’t considered a desert, oh, and Halls weren’t candy). The only thing we really had to do was make our buddies smile whilst standing in line. ---
**Author:** ![minor7flat5](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minor7flat5/32/258_2.png) [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/53 "2010-03-29T23:06:59Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > The only thing we really had to do was make our buddies smile whilst standing in line. I had totally blotted that out of my memory. “Nuts to butts guys. Make your buddy smile!” For the non-military folks, when they wanted to pack hundreds of us as closely as possible in line, they made us stand so that we were in physical contact with the guy in front and the guy behind (in uniform!). It isn’t as awkward as it sounds when it is part of your military routine. Fortunately, that was only for boot camp. It went along with other sorts of boot camp nonsense such as requiring the military equivalent of a high school hall pass whenever one is outside alone, and then having to run full speed—double time—whenever you were going somewhere by yourself (even with the aforementioned hall pass). ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/54 "2010-03-30T20:19:06Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > American knife / fork work is one of the most inefficent things we do in our efficiency-obsessed society. If efficiency is all you care about, why not just dump the meal into a blender and drink it like a shake? Mmmmmn, slurry. IMO, all of this hoity-toity, fancypants, inefficient, “pointless” etiquette is about enjoying a meal as an event, instead of just inhaling nutrition. Swapping your utensils between hands helps you slow down and appreciate what you’re eating, instead of simply scarfing down bite after bite. (This is also a good justification for cutting off a bite at a time, versus cutting everything up in the beginning.) > [@gravitycrash](#): > > Now if I can only find friends who don’t insist on eating one thing before moving on to the next. Steak\>Starch\>Vegetable. There’s absolutely no rule of etiquette that dictates what order food must be eaten in. Personally, I often eat all (or most) of one thing before moving on to another. That way, I can be sure that the last thing I eat is the part I’ve enjoyed the most. If you prefer to take a bite or two of each dish in turn, that is certainly your prerogative, but it’s no better or worse a method. > [@bouv](#): > > (I’ve also heard it called the “European” way.) “Continental” is the descriptor I’m familiar with. > [@Raguleader](#): > > And why aren’t we picking up the food with the fork until the back half of the process? Why isn’t the food already on the fork to begin with? What was the fork DOING when the knife was cutting if it wasn’t stuck into the food? Personally, I’m cutting right along the back of the tines. So, once the cut is complete, the fork isn’t exactly embedded in anything anymore. > [@](#): > > Only more annoying thing I’ve seen anyone do with spaghetti was to mix in chunks of beef and claim they had made Yakisoba. Since getting back from Japan, I have found exactly one (one!) restaurant that has awesome, delicious, perfect yakisoba. I am never, ever letting that restaurant go. Ever. > [@apollonia](#): > > Don’t slurp your soup. The exception to this is if you’re eating a noodle dish like ramen in Japan, in which case it’s acceptable to slurp, though by no means required, especially of foreigners. I wouldn’t try it in the U.S., though, even in a Japanese restaurant, unless you’re actually Japanese. > [@minor7flat5](#): > > My favorite bit of British etiquette: When I’m done eating I always lay my fork and knife parallel on the plate at 4 o’clock. With tines down, I assume? 'Cause that’s what I do, too. A very nice way to indicate that you’re done with the meal. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/55 "2010-03-30T20:22:22Z")
Ack, and in all that replying, I forgot to actually make my response to the OP! When I see people with bad table manners, I tend to only be \*offended \*if it’s something really egregious to the point of being disgusting, like chewing with your mouth open. Otherwise, my feelings will range from indifference to embarassment on behalf of the person. For damn sure, I’m eternally grateful my mom trained me in dining etiquette from a young age every time I have any kind of business meeting with colleagues or clients that involves eating. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/56 "2010-03-30T20:28:21Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > The “proper” US way for a right-handed person: > > 1. Start with fork upside down in left hand, knife in right hand. > 2. Cut off a single bite-sized piece of food. > 3. Set knife down on edge of plate. > 4. Switch fork to right hand. > 5. Use fork to pick up the just cut piece of food. > 6. Put food in mouth. > 7. Switch fork to left hand. > 8. Pick up knife with right hand. > 9. Repeat from step 2. I read about this in a Bill Bryson book but I’ve been here for 14 years and I have yet to see a single person eating this way. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/57 "2010-03-30T20:37:35Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I read about this in a Bill Bryson book but I’ve been here for 14 years and I have yet to see a single person eating this way. Come have dinner with me! You can watch in awe. Then you can come out with my family or some of my coworkers and be completely floored as we all do it! ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/58 "2010-03-31T15:59:56Z")
It’s not the end of the world to have poor table manners. She’s a manners columnist. It’s her job to make you think its the end of the world to have poor table manners. That way, people keep reading her column. When eating meat, I usually cut two or three pieces, switch the fork to my right hand, eat those pieces, some of the sides, etc. Then I’ll return the fork to my left hand and knife to the right, cut more, etc. Sometimes when eating a softer meat, like a flaky fish steak or something, I’ll just use the side of the fork to break off smaller pieces. Kind of like eating a slice of cheesecake or something. > [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > That isn’t the proper way, but in the minefield that is table manners, it is one of the tinier faux pas’ that may be committed. Inform your own children and spouse not to do it, and don’t mention it to outsiders. That’s the way to do it. Polite is always proper. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/59 "2010-03-31T16:16:34Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Come have dinner with me! You can watch in awe. Then you can come out with my family or some of my coworkers and be completely floored as we all do it! No way. Your people will all be looking at me down their noses when I refuse to transfer my fork to the other hand. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982/60 "2010-03-31T16:29:54Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > No way. Your people will all be looking at me down their noses when I refuse to transfer my fork to the other hand. Well, we’ll _notice_, but you won’t notice us noticing. Wouldn’t be polite to do so, after all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-manners/533982.md?page=4)