# Dinner. Not a conversion. Comprede? (long) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 17, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721 "2009-03-17T05:36:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/61 "2009-03-17T19:26:01Z")
I never mention my religion IRL and people invariably assume I am Christian. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/62 "2009-03-17T20:04:02Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > Oh and **Jodi**? Fair play to your critique. Yes I was rude in the end and wrote as much, but the gay thing was the virtual straw that broke the camel’s back. For Og’s sake, I’d just watched “_Milk_” the night before! An excellent film, and a better use of your time than going out with this person, apparently. I guess the only question at this point is, who’s going to cut your hair from now on? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/63 "2009-03-17T20:45:05Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > Garble some orders into the tin can…and just when I thought it couldn’t fuckin’ possibly get any worst…it does! Guy’s gay and I just know she’s going to let it rip all over again. She does and of course, the dude totally screws-up the order. Sounds like a goddamn nightmare, but I’ve got to ask – How did she _know_ the person taking her order was gay? Was it a friend of a friend? ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/64 "2009-03-18T03:13:14Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Actually, I thought this was odd, too. I’ve never heard of paying for a kids’ dinner on a date–unless they were on the date, too. Which would be odd for a first date. But if they’re not even there, it just sounds like she’s milking the guy for some free food. Can’t and won’t pin that on her. Fact is she called her kids and asked me if we could do the BK thing. Paying was entirely my choice. Regardless of what I discovered about her it doesn’t change the fact that she’s going through a rough spell. I’m may be far from rich but a BK meal isn’t going to make a difference one way or another. I hope the children liked the sandwiches. > [@](#): > > Yeah, this I thought was odd. If someone said “It’s a miracle that \_\_\_\_ survived,” I’d just assume they meant that the person survived when it seemed they might die. Like all things considered, surviving that chimp attack in CT might be a fate worse than death, but if someone said it’s a miracle that the woman survived, I’d know what they meant. Compositional mistake on my end. She related the medical symptoms I wrote about first, _then_ she called it a miracle. Thus my questioning it. Also, some posters are confusing the eight AM _service_ with the actual time of the date – which was scheduled for 21:00. Just FTR. > [@Irishman](#): > > **Redfury** , I believe it went down exactly like you describe, and that your motivations were exactly as listed… Thank you. For the most part what I wrote about was my _thought process/reactions_ to what she was saying and I am pretty sure that I don’t lie to myself (knowingly anyway). The date was on Saturday, I wrote the OP late last night. Not exactly a regression in so far as I know. Events are still quite vivid. Appreciate you sharing your own experience. > [@Jodi](#): > > An excellent film, and a better use of your time than going out with this person, apparently. Agreed. I thought the film was quite moving. Not sure why it was rated “R” though – as a learning tool for young people I would have given it a “PG” and leave it to parent’s discretion. Wasted opportunity to nip some ignorance in the bud STM. > [@](#): > > I guess the only question at this point is, who’s going to cut your hair from now on? Trust me, just about anyone with a set of clippers is up to the task. Although calling it a “task” seems rather excessive considering how little of it is left. And to be honest with you, it’s not like I’m holding a grudge against this person – haircuts with little to no social intercourse is just fine by me. This thread helped in both keeping perspective and venting. Glad I opened it. > [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Sounds like a goddamn nightmare, but I’ve got to ask – How did she _know_ the person taking her order was gay? Was it a friend of a friend? Her assumption, not mine. Based on mannerisms and voice. But I wasn’t addressing his “case” when I took her to task but rather the greater point she was trying to make. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/65 "2009-03-18T16:39:24Z")
> [@DudleyGarrett](#): > > Well, we’re getting one side of the story here, which is being delivered by a red-faced-because-a-“little lady”-is-late meathead. I’m guessing it’s heavily embellished to show what a poor little victim he was. > > My guess? He took her out trying to get laid, found out she one of them there religious types who wasn’t giving him trim, maybe actually shot him the fuck down, and in his anger conjured up some ridiculous tale about how much of a religious whacko the woman was. He had to vent it out and there we have the OP. I’m thinking it’s about 75% bullshit. > > I’ve seen it hundreds of times before. I know **Red** personally, and although we have never dated (mismatched astrological signs ;)) I have gone out with him for coffees and with in groups outing, at least back when we lived in the same city. We had the largest Dopefest in the Caribbean once, three Dopers for coffee. Anyways, **Red** is a perfect gentleman in person, I am sure he can be even nicer if the person in question is a romantic interest. If you have lived in this country for any amount of time you would know that it’s better to be a puppy-sacrificing, devil-worshiping, Budhist, left-handed, child-molester than an atheist. The explanation is that you “at least believe in something”. Which is why I keep myself fiercely locked in the closet, so to speak. I had a somewhat similar experience not long ago. I didn’t think the person in question was to be pitted, but pitied. She was a long-lost friend from my university days. We were very, very close back then. She was mildly Christian then and I was mildly agnostic, so we got along just fine. In the intervening years we traveled farther apart in our religious beliefs. A few months ago she tracked my email address and we decided to meet. I was very excited, I really like her, but no sooner than we met the conversation steered to the topic of religion (and trust me, I never go “there”), her beliefs were not that far from **Red** ’s friend. I was just sitting there, with a mixture of boredom and anger, but decidedly silent on the topic. Until she started talking about her church’s Gay Healing program… I need not tell you it didn’t go well after that. She spouted every kind of nonsense I have ever heard on the subject, and how her work on “fixing” gays was the most important thing in her life. Unbeknown to her, gay rights is one of my pet causes, something I have embraced since I was too young to fully comprehend what “homosexual” meant. I tried, timidly, to inject some facts into the conversation, but that made her even more earnest. I quickly finished my coffee and made a hasty retreat. We haven’t been in touch since. I can tolerate Christians very well, (a good thing since one of my best friends and my mom are devout Catholics) crazy, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/66 "2009-03-18T17:02:34Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I am not a man, so this is pure speculation, but given all this, would a guy still want to get laid by this chick? Only stupid fucks crazy. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/67 "2009-03-18T17:58:42Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Only stupid fucks crazy. A fair point and one to remember. So you had a bad date. Move on–but get a different hair stylist. To those who seem to think that religious people don’t spout and spew at the slightest chance, believe me, they do. Not ALL religious folk, certainly, but many, many Christians do. It has managed to turn me off of Christianity as a whole, and made me vehement about the rights of other religions in this country. I don’t get the whole 8 pm means 2230 (1030pm) stuff. I could never live in a Latin country because 8 pm means 8pm. I don’t find lateness quaint or charming–it’s just late. And 17 year olds can get their own damned BK. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/68 "2009-03-18T20:05:20Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Only stupid fucks crazy. But crazy is fun. When you go to the carnival do you want to ride the merry-go-round or looping roller-coaster? Sure you may get something on you, but at least you’ll have a story to tell. Besides, if I never fucked crazy I’d still be a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/69 "2009-03-18T21:20:58Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > But crazy is fun. When you go to the carnival do you want to ride the merry-go-round or looping roller-coaster? Sure you may get something on you, but at least you’ll have a story to tell. The key is getting off the roller coaster, not getting off _on_ the roller coaster. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/70 "2009-03-18T22:01:53Z")
So tell us - when’s the second date? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/71 "2009-03-19T01:02:34Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > The key is getting off the roller coaster, not getting off _on_ the roller coaster. Wanna bet? ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/72 "2009-03-19T01:52:26Z")
Thank you, **MG** , as always, you’re too kind. Though I doubt anything you say will persuade those that label me as some sort of godless Neanderthal accosting women left and right for cheap thrills, that I am anything but. Being the old fart that I am, I suppose it escaped me when going out to dinner with a date went out of fashion. Or else there’s a whole lot of projection going on. Whatever. :rolleyes: OTOH, your post captures the exact essence of my experience. I’d almost say that it could have been the same woman, but we both know that’s not exactly a _rara avis_ here. Just hadn’t had the pleasure of spending leisurely time with one before. If you and Jurassic Park are up for another Doper get-together anytime soon, just name a time and place. I’ll be there with bells on. * * * > [@begbert2](#): > > So tell us - when’s the second date? I doubt I’ll be able to stop her from going to my funeral if she so desires – even if it’s to express her negative views on cremation, I doubt it’ll bother me much. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/73 "2009-03-19T06:50:50Z")
**RedFury** , I’ll remind you of a couple of quotes I like. > [@](#): > > “Sensible men are all of the same religion.” > “And pray, what is that?” inquired the prince. > “Sensible men never tell” > [@](#): > > To love God is to have good luck, good looks, a pleasant disposition and a fair amount of cash in hand. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/74 "2009-03-19T21:53:44Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > I’d be willing to bet that your average Christian brings up their faith unsolicited in casual conversation alot more than your average atheist does. Not in my experience. Christian here. No one at work (pretty tight group) knew until I found my confirmation cross a few years in. (Some of them didn’t look me in the eyes for a bit.) Christianity is not a bad thing. Being INSANE like the woman described is another. If people were truly punished for the rotten stuff they did, God must keep his blinders on a lot. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/75 "2009-03-20T15:42:39Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > See, I find this funny. Pretty much anyone I’ve known for more than a few weeks, there’s some pretty basic stuff that comes up, and I find it hard to believe that one would have absolutely no idea what someone’s religion was after casual conversation for five months. I’d be just as surprised if you didn’t have at least an idea of a persons political beliefs or a number of other things like that. It’s not that casual conversation goes “oh, by the way, are you an atheist too?” but chances are, since topics like religion and politics are so pervasive, that it would have at least been touched on over five months worth of conversation. > [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > You may find it hard to believe because, as a Christian, you probably find it a more palatable conversation to have casually, especially since a majority of the people you interact with share your views. > > Yes, I know I’m jumping to a great many conclusions there, but trust me – as an atheist, I never bring it up in casual conversation unless I’m directly asked about it. And guess what, it usually isn’t in the form of, “are you an atheist too?” It’s usually in the form of, “are you a Christian too?” at which point I have to burst a bubble or three. > … > I’d be willing to bet that your average Christian brings up their faith unsolicited in casual conversation alot more than your average atheist does. I’ve got good friends of 40 years standing and we’ve **never** discussed religion. One friend of mine invited me and another mate to his wedding. Only then did we find out he was a Mormon. Standing in the queue for the buffet, we were politely approached by a couple of missionaries. My mate said he was an atheist and I said I was a Buddhist, which made them go away. Then we looked at each other. 😕 Turns out he’s an agnostic and I’m an atheist. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/76 "2009-03-20T22:50:50Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > I’d almost say that it could have been the same woman I doubt it. My friend(?)is in her late 30s, and AFAICT, a virgin. If that is what rocks your boat, let me know, I can arrange for an introduction, it will sure get me some Karma points. 😃 > [@](#): > > If you and Jurassic Park are up for another Doper get-together anytime soon, just name a time and place. I’ll be there with bells on. Well, nowadays that would entail some mileage on your car (see location). We left that crazy city all for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/77 "2009-03-20T23:10:09Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > > [@begbert2](#): > > > > So tell us - when’s the second date? > > I doubt I’ll be able to stop her from going to my funeral if she so desires – even if it’s to express her negative views on cremation, I doubt it’ll bother me much. 😉 Well, in that case you’d better hope she’s not in a hurry to arrange a second date! ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/78 "2009-03-20T23:10:51Z")
> [@Hi\_Neighbor](#): > > I’m an atheist, pretty stringent at that, and I say “thank God,” “bless you” after someone sneezes, and I’ve described certain situations or happenings as “miracles” (although, most of the time it’s in a sarcastic manner, i.e. “Frank is doing the dishes? It’s a miracle!”). Yes, this. I was brought up in Catholicism, but I’m agnostic, possibly atheist (it’s not a question I concern myself with). I use all those phrases. If somebody asks me about Christmas, I don’t necessarily draw the conclusion that they’re Christian. They might just think I’m Christian, or they may just be asking about Christmas in the secular sense. I celebrate the tradition of Christmas, but I don’t believe it, for instance. It’s just a societal tradition, for me. And, when it comes to my friends, I honestly have no idea what the spiritual beliefs of most of my friends are. I know how many were raised, but I haven’t the faintest clue whether they retain the belief system, what degree of observance they have, if they’ve changes belief systems, etc. It’s just something I do not like talking about. The only ones I can tell about are the very observant ones. Most of my friends simply don’t talk about it. And that’s how I like it. Your own spirituality should be your own business. If I meet somebody like in the OP, I just dodge or steer the conversation another way. Or I simply nod along and switch topic as soon as possible. Nothing could possibly be gained for me or the situation to challenge the person. That’s what they believe, fine. I’m not interested in changing their belief system or frustrate myself with awkward conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/79 "2009-03-20T23:42:42Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > See, I find this funny. Pretty much anyone I’ve known for more than a few weeks, there’s some pretty basic stuff that comes up, and I find it hard to believe that one would have absolutely no idea what someone’s religion was after casual conversation for five months. I’d be just as surprised if you didn’t have at least an idea of a persons political beliefs or a number of other things like that. It’s not that casual conversation goes “oh, by the way, are you an atheist too?” but chances are, since topics like religion and politics are so pervasive, that it would have at least been touched on over five months worth of conversation. I’ve got friends I’ve known since the second grade (meaning, we’ve been friends for 20+ years, at this point) whose religious beliefs I couldn’t guess at. I know they’re not particularly devout, in that they don’t go to church, but I have no idea if they believe in God or not. Some of them, I wouldn’t be surprised, simply because they have a lot of other supernatural beliefs (healing crystals, and crap like that), but I couldn’t tell you where any of them stand on the divinity of Jesus Christ, or the existence of the God of Abraham. Also, I’m an atheist who regularly says things like, “God bless you,” “Thank Chirst,” “God willing,” etc. Also, I celebrate both Christmas and Easter. Almost all of my friends do, too. Including some of the Jewish ones. How many atheists do you know, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721/80 "2009-03-21T01:00:15Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > I doubt it. My friend(?)is in her late 30s, and AFAICT, a virgin. If that is what rocks your boat, let me know, I can arrange for an introduction, it will sure get me some Karma points. 😃 _This_ is what friends are for? :dubious: Afraid you’ll have to get them elsewhere. > [@](#): > > Well, nowadays that would entail some mileage on your car (see location). We left that crazy city all for yourself. I’m guessing Punta Cana from your tip. If I’m right, that’s just awesome though I do often wonder what it’s like to live in a small town here. And by “small” I mean excluding the overwhelming tourist flow that I know is out there. I have a bunch of related queries, so a weekend drive is not out of the question. And yeah, thanks a ton for leaving Calcutta all to myself. 😉 * * * > [@begbert2](#): > > Well, in that case you’d better hope she’s not in a hurry to arrange a second date! 😃 Here’s hoping that a couple of decades, if not a quarter century, appear reasonable to her. * * * And just reiterate the points that both **glee** and **Miller** have made, I’m pretty much in the same boat in terms of not asking or offering information. I also use “Si Dios quiere,” “Dios mio,” “Jesus!” and others as part of my regular lexicon. But I also think some posters (such as **Blaster Master** ) are reading way too much into the “I’ve known her for 5 months” bit, for in all that time I may have seen her, at her place of work, a grand total of oh…dunno four or five times tops. Like I said in the OP it was quite a superficial ‘friendship’ if that’s what it was. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dinner-not-a-conversion-comprede-long/489721.md?page=5)