# Dio, you are just wrong. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 27, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521 "2010-10-27T14:42:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/41 "2010-10-27T16:56:48Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, it means that there’s probably some level of coercion in everything we do. The level of coercion present in those cultures with arranged marriages is probably similar to that in our culture. I’m not delving into the back and forth on arranged marriages and coercion argument, since I don’t care enough to read through it all to see what’s going on there, but I just cannot see how this assertion could be true. In fact, just last night there was an NPR story about women in Shanghai who are pressured to marry before they turn 30, or otherwise they become “leftover women.” The social pressure is so great in fact that there are times and places where parents gather together with what are essentially written resumes about their unmarried children, where they try to match their kids up in marriage with with other resumes. I cannot fathom how the level of coercion to get married to someone you wouldn’t otherwise want to could be the same in that culture as it is in ours. In fact, the parents in the NPR piece made the opposite argument. They blamed the values of the west for altering how young women are thinking about marriage in China. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/42 "2010-10-27T16:57:03Z")
Why not? Yes, in some cultures, it may rise to the level of force, as in we’ll kill or disown you. But in other cultures, they’ll probably end up setting you up with people of the same ethnicity _because that’s who they (the arrangers) know and are familiar with_. In my own family, my cousin really wanted to get married and was asking my mom to set up some meetings with guys, which would have entailed looking for guys with a good family background/good job/nice/whatever other criteria my cousin considered important. It wouldn’t have mattered if in the end my cousin chose some guy who was of a different race/culture, but most likely the guys my mom knew of would have been of our same background. ETA: **Hentor** –that’s true. What I mean is that arranged marriage doesn’t always equal that level of coercion, like the example I mention. Obviously, there are times when it is forced, but there are differences between forced and arranged marriages. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/43 "2010-10-27T16:59:26Z")
Setting people up on dates is not arranging a marriage. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/44 "2010-10-27T17:04:25Z")
Removed for irrelevance. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/45 "2010-10-27T17:07:03Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > It’s so true. My parents once said they didn’t think I should spend all my Christmas money on Metallica CDs and it was exactly like they robbed me at gunpoint. For the win! > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Do you believe that this is a valid analogy? What, compared to some of the shit you post? Hell yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/46 "2010-10-27T17:08:54Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Setting people up on dates is not arranging a marriage. They’re setting people up on dates with the goal that this will, hopefully, end in marriage. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/47 "2010-10-27T17:09:16Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Setting people up on dates is not arranging a marriage. I’m arranging my marriage right now! That reminds me, I have to call that caterer again… ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/48 "2010-10-27T17:12:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Do you believe that this is a valid analogy? Yes, in that it highlights what is stupid about the statement of yours I quoted. See, this is the problem with your “yelling is coercion / hotdogs are murder / parking is theft” school of peppering flat pronouncements throughout a thread. Not only are they invariably wrong (although I’m sure they felt meaningful and important when you typed them), they contribute nothing to the conversation beyond distraction, as everyone stops to marvel at the naive simplicity of your apparent worldview. When you can then later deny two pages later when you actually write out your opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/49 "2010-10-27T17:12:56Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > They’re setting people up on dates with the goal that this will, hopefully, end in marriage. Sounds like a blind date to me. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/50 "2010-10-27T17:13:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Setting people up on dates is not arranging a marriage. Shooting a basketball is not opening a birthday present. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/51 "2010-10-27T17:18:01Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Shooting a basketball is not opening a birthday present. Shouldn’t you be off making milkshakes? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/52 "2010-10-27T17:20:11Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I guess I don’t understand what’s even being disputed anymore. My contention was that arranged marriages are coercive. If we agree on that, then what’s the beef? What am I wrong about? You said: [QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] They are, for all practical purposes, forced marriages. [/QUOTE] Which is, like so much of what you say, simply not true in a huge number of cases. Has anyone actually agreed with you on that statement? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/53 "2010-10-27T17:21:54Z")
Dio. If I walk up to an Indian friend and say “my marriage was arranged,” they are going to picture my parents freaking out that I’m approaching 30, going on [Shaadi.com](http://Shaadi.com), and setting me up on dates that I grudgingly go on to please them, until I find someone who I actually hit it off with and we decide to make a go of it, They are not going to picture whatever situation you are imagining. The only meaning of a word is the way people use it. What you imagine the word must mean has nothing to do with anything expect the bizarre world you have inside your head. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/54 "2010-10-27T17:22:50Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Allegedly. Heh, thats what I thought this pit would be about before I opened it. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/55 "2010-10-27T17:33:40Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Shouldn’t you be off making milkshakes? I think you’ve got me mixed up with someone else, snarky. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/56 "2010-10-27T17:36:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Like I said in the other thread, they have the option to veto specific candidates, but not to go outside the “suitable” pool of racially/ethnically acceptable candidates. They can often be disowned if they do. That’s coersion. You can disowned in a love match marriage, if your parents don’t like the partner you have choosen. How is that any different? ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/57 "2010-10-27T17:39:14Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Do you believe that this is a valid analogy? Coming from you, that’s pretty rich. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/58 "2010-10-27T17:41:44Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > They’re setting people up on dates with the goal that this will, hopefully, end in marriage. That’s still not arranging a marriage. Arranging a martriage is arranging an actual marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/59 "2010-10-27T17:43:26Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Shooting a basketball is not opening a birthday present. Do you believe that setting people up on a date is arranging a marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/60 "2010-10-27T17:44:42Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > You said:Which is, like so much of what you say, simply not true in a huge number of cases. Has anyone actually agreed with you on that statement? It is true, though, unless you think there’s some kind of meaningful difference between coercion and force. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521.md?page=4)