# Dio, you are just wrong. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 27, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521 "2010-10-27T14:42:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/61 "2010-10-27T17:45:23Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s not even close, in my opinion, and it’s not typical in the culture for parents to screen acceptable applicants. It’s certainly not the norm any more to confine parental approval to a specific ethnicity (not unheard of, but no longer the norm). > > I guess I don’t understand what’s even being disputed anymore. My contention was that arranged marriages are coercive. If we agree on that, then what’s the beef? What am I wrong about? Some of us don’t agree that arranged marriages are coercive. Some people arrange their own marriages. I did with my last marriage. I made the critieria I wanted in a husband known matchmakers (using them to do initial screening), met with potential partners (its more like interviewing than dating), and negotiated the terms of the marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/62 "2010-10-27T17:45:45Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Do you believe that setting people up on a date is arranging a marriage? Do you believe that shooting a basketball is opening a birthday present? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/63 "2010-10-27T17:46:35Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Dio. > > If I walk up to an Indian friend and say “my marriage was arranged,” they are going to picture my parents freaking out that I’m approaching 30, going on [Shaadi.com](http://Shaadi.com), and setting me up on dates that I grudgingly go on to please them, until I find someone who I actually hit it off with and we decide to make a go of it, > > They are not going to picture whatever situation you are imagining. That’s not arranged marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/64 "2010-10-27T17:48:03Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > You can disowned in a love match marriage, if your parents don’t like the partner you have choosen. How is that any different? I didn’t say it was any different. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/65 "2010-10-27T17:48:39Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Shouldn’t you be off making milkshakes? It brings all the preapproved boys to the yard. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/66 "2010-10-27T17:49:29Z")
Reading a Dio thread is like watching an old episode of _ **Blossom** _, except without the self-realization and repentance at the end. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/67 "2010-10-27T17:49:31Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It is true, though, unless you think there’s some kind of meaningful difference between coercion and force. There’s a big difference between telling your child, “If you don’t marry this person, we will kill you,” such as occurs in a forced marriage and saying "If you don’t marry this person, we will disinherit and ignore you, but otherwise leave you alone to live your life which is the worst it can get in an arranged marriage. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/68 "2010-10-27T17:51:17Z")
Hey, as long as the bride has had her clitoridectomy, I don’t understand all the fuss. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/69 "2010-10-27T17:51:32Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Some of us don’t agree that arranged marriages are coercive. Some people arrange their own marriages.] That’s not arranged marriage, that’s just marriage. > [@](#): > > I did with my last marriage. I made the critieria I wanted in a husband known matchmakers (using them to do initial screening), met with potential partners (its more like interviewing than dating), and negotiated the terms of the marriage. That’s you setting your own criteria, not somebody else doing it for you. That’s not arranged marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/70 "2010-10-27T17:51:34Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > It’s so true. My parents once said they didn’t think I should spend all my Christmas money on Metallica CDs and it was exactly like they robbed me at gunpoint. Fuck yeah. I used to live in Vancouver, and I’d go into a coffee house and if I didn’t order an espresso drink, they’d like - \*look at me \*- and I felt coerced to order an Americano. The problem, or course, that I mentioned before, with Americanos, is not that they have milk - I never said that - but rather that you are coerced into buying them. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/71 "2010-10-27T17:52:35Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Do you believe that shooting a basketball is opening a birthday present? No. Is setting somebody up on a date arranging a marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/72 "2010-10-27T17:53:56Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > There’s a big difference between telling your child, “If you don’t marry this person, we will kill you,” such as occurs in a forced marriage and saying "If you don’t marry this person, we will disinherit and ignore you, but otherwise leave you alone to live your life which is the worst it can get in an arranged marriage. You are falsely defining “forced marriage” as necessarily involving death threats. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/73 "2010-10-27T17:56:27Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > And this is different from your hick town in West Texas how? Hick town West Texas checking in. I’ve never been coerced into marriage, still single. I work with 2 guys in inner-racial marriages, semi-famous (white) pro football player’s sister married one of his (black) teammates in the Catholic church here. You need to get out more, stereotype less. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/74 "2010-10-27T17:56:37Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Reading a Dio thread is like watching an old episode of _ **Blossom** _, except without the self-realization and repentance at the end. Tell me what I’m wrong about. Don’t just drive by and drop a random, meaningless insult. Have the guts to debate me. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/75 "2010-10-27T17:58:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You are falsely defining “forced marriage” as necessarily involving death threats. I am defining forced marriage as one in which the choice basically life or death. Loss of money or family approval isn’t really force. It’s a choice you make on which is more important, your chosen spouse or whatever your family will withdraw if you choose that person. In other words, about the same as every other decision in life. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/76 "2010-10-27T17:58:17Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Fuck yeah. I used to live in Vancouver, and I’d go into a coffee house and if I didn’t order an espresso drink, they’d like - \*look at me \*- and I felt coerced to order an Americano. The problem, or course, that I mentioned before, with Americanos, is not that they have milk - I never said that - but rather that you are coerced into buying them. Do you believe that this is a valid analogy? Do you believe that the threat of disownership by one’s parents is as trivial as getting a “look” in a coffee shop. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/77 "2010-10-27T17:58:52Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > No. > > Is setting somebody up on a date arranging a marriage. No. Is saying one thing isn’t the same as another obviously different thing a useful or interesting post? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/78 "2010-10-27T18:00:01Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I am defining forced marriage as one in which the choice basically life or death. That is not the definition. > [@](#): > > Loss of money or family approval isn’t really force. I beg to differ, but this is a semantic nit too petty to pick. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/79 "2010-10-27T18:00:04Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > No. > > Is setting somebody up on a date arranging a marriage. In some cultures, hell yes. Being out in public with a member of the opposite sex without a chaperone, more or less is a declaration of intentions to marry or more bluntly having been seen in a compromising position together, marriage is the only alternative. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521/80 "2010-10-27T18:01:09Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > No. Is saying one thing isn’t the same as another obviously different thing a useful or interesting post? It is if other people keep trying to say they _are_ the same thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dio-you-are-just-wrong/558521.md?page=5)