# Dirty jokes in Shakespeare **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 21, 2004, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332 "2004-02-21T05:09:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/21 "2004-02-22T20:02:16Z")
> [@lillalette](#): > > These aren’t really jokes _in_ Shakespeare’s plays. Of course there are. Henry V Hotspur- My horse is my mistress. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/22 "2004-02-22T20:04:55Z")
> [@HDS](#): > > Venus and Adonis: > > Now she is in the very lists of love; > The champion mounted for the hot encounter. Or pretty much anything from _Venus and Adonis,_ really. 😉 Agree with **Chronos** , incidentally, on Mistress Quickly. How about this exchange from _1 Henry IV_? MISTRESS QUICKLY: …I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so. FALSTAFF: Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise. MISTRESS QUICKLY: Say, what beast, thou knave, thou? FALSTAFF: What beast? Why, an otter! PRINCE HAL: An otter, Sir John! Why an otter? FALSTAFF: Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her. MISTRESS QUICKLY: Thou art an unjust man in saying so: thou or any other man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou! ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/23 "2004-02-22T22:49:18Z")
Possibly this exchange about “her c’s, u’s and 't’s”? [http://absoluteshakespeare.com/plays/twelfth\_night/a2s5.htm](http://absoluteshakespeare.com/plays/twelfth_night/a2s5.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Cargogal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/48db29/32.png) [@Cargogal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cargogal)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2004, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/24 "2004-02-23T11:05:19Z")
Oh, and this little bit from Henry V; I’ve heard it done to good effect. If I could win a lady at leap-frog, or by vaulting into my saddle with my armour on my back, under the correction of bragging be it spoken, I should quickly leap into a wife. Or if I might buffet for my love, or bound my horse for her favours, I could lay on like a butcher and sit like a jack-an-apes, never off. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2004, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/25 "2004-02-24T21:37:25Z")
What, nobody’s mentioned the scene in _Titus Andronicus_ where the empress gives birth to a black child and her two older sons confront Aaron the Moor? “Thou hast undone our mother!” “Villain, I have done thy mother.” ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/26 "2011-11-03T16:50:29Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > What, nobody’s mentioned the scene in _Titus Andronicus_ where the empress gives birth to a black child and her two older sons confront Aaron the Moor? > > “Thou hast undone our mother!” > > “Villain, I have done thy mother.” And, from Timon of Athens: Painter: “Y’are a dog.” Apemantus: “Thy mother’s of my generation. What’s she, if I be a dog?” You are a son of a bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/27 "2011-11-03T17:13:39Z")
My favourite sonnet is #151, which is essentially an ode to his penis: flesh stays no further reason, But rising at thy name doth point out thee As his triumphant prize. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/28 "2011-11-03T17:28:29Z")
Zombie Shakespeare!! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/29 "2011-11-03T17:51:17Z")
Is this the end of zombie Shakespeare? ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/30 "2011-11-03T18:06:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Pompey: Yonder man is carried to prison. > Mistress Overdone: Well; what has he done? > Pompey: A woman. > Mistress Overdone: But what’s his offence? > Pompey: Groping for trouts in a peculiar river. Best euphemism for sex since “making the beast with two backs.” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/31 "2011-11-03T19:28:44Z")
There’s a scene in _Henry V_ where the French princess is brushing up her English - aware that a diplomatic marriage is likely - and discovers to her scandalized delight that English has the words “foot” and “gown” in it, which (especially as she pronounces them) sound like the French for “fuck” and “cunt”. But she diligently repeats the whole lesson including the dreadfully naughty words. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/32 "2011-11-03T19:59:46Z")
Polonius: Do you know me, my lord? Hamlet: Excellent well; you’re a fishmonger. Polonius: Not I, my lord. Hamlet Then I would you were so honest a man. Polonius: Honest, my lord! Hamlet: Ay, sir; to be honest, as this world goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand. Polonius: That’s very true, my lord. Hamlet: [Reads] For if the sun breed maggots in a dead dog, being a god kissing carrion, — Have you a daughter? Polonius: I have, my lord. Hamlet: Let her not walk i’ the sun: conception is a blessing: but not as your daughter may conceive; — friend, look to 't. Polonius: [Aside] How say you by that? Still harping on my daughter: — yet he knew me not at first; he said I was a fishmonger: he is far gone, far gone: and truly in my youth I suffered much extremity for love; very near this. This one cracks me up everytime. Fishmonger=pimp. SFC Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/33 "2011-11-04T03:19:54Z")
One of the dirtiest jokes in Shakespeare, in my opinion, is a line that rarely gets a laugh in _Twelfth Night_: Malvolio’s description of his lady’s handwriting. He references her “C’s, her U’s, and her T’s, and thus she makes her great P’s,” clearly referencing the word “cunt.” Aguecheek emphasizes it, asking “Her C’s, her U’s and her T’s: why that?” Audiences don’t seem to get it, as though they don’t think they should be laughing at a “cunt” joke at a fancy Shakespeare play. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/34 "2011-11-04T16:19:54Z")
> [@PucksRaven](#): > > Also, according to his research, in shakespeare’s time the word “nothing” was slang for a woman’s genitals. Which gives the play _Much Ado about Nothing_ a whole new meaning. I’ve never heard that, but there is a point where an infatuated Claudio asks Benedict if all the wealth in the world could buy such a jewel (i.e., Hero), and Benedict replies, “Yea, and a bag to put in into”. There’s some speculation that’s a play on pudenda. I’m not sure I believe that, but it has the advantage of vague plausibility over your researcher’s theory. 😛 It’s at least clear that Benedict is discounting Claudio’s love, and making a not-so-veiled reference to prostitution. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/35 "2011-11-06T12:41:02Z")
This is the problem I have with most of Shakespeare’s jokes. They just aren’t that funny. I’m sure they were hilarious at the time, but now they just seem childish. “He spelled out CUNT! OMG!” ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/36 "2011-11-06T14:59:34Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > This is the problem I have with most of Shakespeare’s jokes. They just aren’t that funny. I’m sure they were hilarious at the time, but now they just seem childish. “He spelled out CUNT! OMG!” I hear what you’re saying – the delivery is completely different from what we’re used to these days. The topic is really no different from the “See You Next Thursday” jokes that get made now. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/37 "2011-11-06T18:20:05Z")
[Get thee to a nunnery](http://www.enotes.com/shakespeare-quotes/get-thee-nunn-ry). Nunnery was slang for brothel. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/38 "2011-11-06T20:50:30Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Is this the end of zombie Shakespeare? Sweet mother of mercy! ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2011, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/39 "2011-11-06T21:44:11Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > Best euphemism for sex since “making the beast with two backs.” Which is ALSO from Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![alfieenochhplover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@alfieenochhplover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alfieenochhplover)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332/40 "2012-04-19T03:29:26Z")
**Capulet:** bring me my sword, ho!! Haha love that line:) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-in-shakespeare/230332.md?page=3)