# Dirty jokes on old TV shows **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 17, 2005, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570 "2005-11-17T23:16:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/1 "2005-11-17T23:16:20Z")
I was watching _What’s My Line_ on GSN. The show was from mid-1960 and the contestant was a candlestick maker. The celebrity panel had determined that the man manufactured a product and that is was solid. Then Dorothy Kilgallen’s turn came up. She said, “We’ve determined that your product is solid and stiff.” To which Bennett Cerf gave a chuckle and said, “Come, come now, Dorothy.” Funny stuff. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/2 "2005-11-18T00:16:05Z")
Back in the 70s, a female guest brought her cat on the Johnny Carson show. She sat the cat in her lap and asked Johnny, “Would you like to pet my pussy?” Johnny replied “Okay, but move the damn cat.” Also don’t forget the running joke on the old 50s sitcom. The kid’s name was Beaver Cleaver. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/3 "2005-11-18T00:31:56Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > Back in the 70s, a female guest brought her cat on the Johnny Carson show. She sat the cat in her lap and asked Johnny, “Would you like to pet my pussy?” > > Johnny replied “Okay, but move the damn cat.” Can we limit the responses to real jokes, please? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/4 "2005-11-18T00:39:37Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Can we limit the responses to real jokes, please? Seriously. [Zsa Zsa never moved her pussy](http://snopes.com/radiotv/tv/zsazsa.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/5 "2005-11-18T00:41:11Z")
The Master speaks: [Groucho’s cigar joke](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_024.html). Unfortunately, it didn’t actually get on the air. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/6 "2005-11-18T00:46:55Z")
Are You Being Served was filled with double entendres. There was a whole episode where the staff filmed an ad for a supper club they started, but when it was shown without sound the audience mistook it for an ad for a sexclub. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/7 "2005-11-18T03:34:29Z")
There’s the classic “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?” I can’t vouch for it though, as that show had finished its run by the time I was old enough to remember things I saw on TV. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/8 "2005-11-18T05:00:29Z")
This was radio, not TV. When I was a kid in New York, Dorothy Hayden hosted a radio show for older Irish Americans (as a result, she eventually became the first female grand marshall in New York’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade). Every week, she and her co-host husband would announce various Irish functions. One week, he was reading off the calendar, and one of the events was the annual Corkmen’s (as in Ireland’s County Cork) Ball. And the poor guy casually remarked (decades before Bon Scott & AC/DC) , “As you know, the Corkmen have the biggest balls of them all.” A long pause followed. Then he only made it worse by saying, “I mean to say, they have the biggest DANCES.” Too late! ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/9 "2005-11-18T05:07:25Z")
In late 1968 on “Laugh In” there was a skit with Goldie Hawn and Terry Brown (I think that was her name, she was the black woman on the show). It took place in a dressing room where they were getting ready to go on. Goldie turned to Terry. Goldie: “Do you have any soap?” ``` Terry hands her a small black box. ``` Goldie: “Oh, you have a black box.” ``` She opens it and looks inside. "But look, it's pink on the inside." ``` ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/10 "2005-11-18T05:10:46Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > I was watching _What’s My Line_ on GSN. The show was from mid-1960 and the contestant was a candlestick maker. The celebrity panel had determined that the man manufactured a product and that is was solid. > > Then Dorothy Kilgallen’s turn came up. She said, “We’ve determined that your product is solid and stiff.” > > To which Bennett Cerf gave a chuckle and said, “Come, come now, Dorothy.” > > Funny stuff. Hey, “What’s My Line” is a great show! I used to watch that sometimes when I could afford to stay up late. I wish Game Show Network would air it earlier. Talk about a great panel. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/11 "2005-11-18T12:28:25Z")
> [@Rodgers01](#): > > Hey, “What’s My Line” is a great show! I used to watch that sometimes when I could afford to stay up late. I wish Game Show Network would air it earlier. Talk about a great panel. > [/hijack] Ah, the joys of the DVR. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/12 "2005-11-18T13:22:03Z")
On the Gunsmoke radio show done live, the actor playing the hangman once said “When I get finished with a man, he’s well hung.” Penis ensued as the other actors struggled not to laugh while reading their lines. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/13 "2005-11-28T12:42:27Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > In late 1968 on “Laugh In” there was a skit with Goldie Hawn and Terry Brown (I think that was her name, she was the black woman on the show). Chelsea Brown. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/14 "2005-11-28T12:49:58Z")
As **Pepper Mill** has pointed out, in one Star Trek (TOS) episode (“Squire f Gothos”?) someone says to Uhura something like “Stop, fair maiden!” To which she responds, “Sorry. Neither.” That’s pretty subtle, but definitely risque. Allan Sherman claimed (In his book **The Rape of the A_P_E** \*) that on **Laugh In** Jo Ann Worley appeaared in a bald wig, then said “I’ve never been bald on television before!”. Say it out loud and think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/15 "2005-11-28T13:26:42Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > As **Pepper Mill** has pointed out, in one Star Trek (TOS) episode (“Squire f Gothos”?) someone says to Uhura something like “Stop, fair maiden!” > > To which she responds, “Sorry. Neither.” > > That’s pretty subtle, but definitely risque. Sulu, in _The Naked Time_, while “drunkenly” fancying himself a Three-Musketeers type swashbuckler. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/16 "2005-11-28T13:44:50Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Allan Sherman claimed (In his book **The Rape of the A_P_E** \*) that on **Laugh In** Jo Ann Worley appeaared in a bald wig, then said “I’ve never been bald on television before!”. > > Say it out loud and think about it. Another quickie from _Laugh-in_: A fast shot of JoAnn Worley holding up a pair of ceramic jugs, and singing the single word, “Jugs!!!” in a high pitched tone. They were so obviously baiting the network censors with this one by walking right up to the line and almost but not quite crossing it … Is my memory faulty or did Worley get most of the racy material on that show? ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/17 "2005-11-28T15:06:20Z")
I’ve posted this before in other threads, but here it is again. On M_A_S\*H in 1972 or 73(early in the show), Hawkeye walks into Hot Lips’ tent and Frank is there with her. Hot Lips is using a vibrating massage machine to massage Frank’s neck. Hawkeye says, “Well, it’s like I always say, ‘Behind every great man is a woman with a great vibrator.’” My jaw hit the floor. Did he make a vibrator joke? Yes, he did. Ah, early M_A_S\*H, how good you were before you got preachy. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/18 "2005-11-28T18:39:29Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > As **Pepper Mill** has pointed out, in one Star Trek (TOS) episode (“Squire f Gothos”?) someone says to Uhura something like “Stop, fair maiden!” > > To which she responds, “Sorry. Neither.” > > That’s pretty subtle, but definitely risque. Huh? ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/19 "2005-11-28T18:45:38Z")
> [@Electronic Chaos](#): > > Huh? I assume the joke is that she’s saying she isn’t fair (light-skinned) or maidenly (ie, a virgin.) ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570/20 "2005-11-28T18:47:16Z")
Neither fair (Uhura was Black) nor a maiden (i.e., a virgin). Not TV, but some nice little double entendres got out in the early days of sound film. **42nd Street** had the famous “She only said no once, and then she misunderstood the question” and the lesser known exchange: Man in chorus: Want to sit on my lap? Girl in chorus: I ain’t no flagpole sitter. Then, of course, there’s Shakespeare (Hamlet: “Do you think I mean country matters?”) and Marvel (“Your quaint honor.”) (Hint: both refer to a portion of a woman’s anatomy.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-jokes-on-old-tv-shows/331570.md?page=2)