# Dirty Limericks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 21, 2000, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125 "2000-03-21T01:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/21 "2000-03-22T01:27:00Z")
OK guys, help me out here, too. Ever since someone posted the concave up or down thread in GQ, I’ve been thinking of a dirty limerick that I only remember part of. It has to do with a sexual aid. The couplet in the middle was: ??? ??? concave or convex it could fit either sex ??? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![ProudAmerican](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f05b48/32.png) [@ProudAmerican](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProudAmerican)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/22 "2000-03-22T12:32:00Z")
I dunno. My fave was always: There once was a fellow from Tripoli Who liked to make love rather nippily. Complained one young lass While rubbing her ass: “Less teethily, please, and more lippily!” ---
**Author:** ![Toymaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc8723/32.png) [@Toymaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toymaker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/23 "2000-03-22T13:49:00Z")
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Spreading her legs so wide. Along came a spider Who sat down beside her, Took one whiff and died! There once was an infamous hall, Where there was no gravity at all. What a glorious feeling To screw on the ceiling, And to ball on the wall and not fall!" ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/24 "2000-03-22T15:05:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Billdo: > \*\*OK guys, help me out here, too. Ever since someone posted the concave up or down thread in GQ, I’ve been thinking of a dirty limerick that I only remember part of. It has to do with a sexual aid. > > The couplet in the middle was: > > ??? > ??? > concave or convex > it could fit either sex > ??? > > Thanks.\*\* There once was a man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine. Concave or convex It could fit either sex With attachments for those in between. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/25 "2000-03-22T15:08:00Z")
A sperm faced his moment of truth, But alas and alack and forsooth! He’d expected to fall On a womb’s spongy wall But was dashed to his death on a tooth. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/26 "2000-03-22T15:24:00Z")
A title for this thread (from Reader’s Digest, IIRC): A lim’rick packs laughs anatomical In a package that’s quite economical The good ones I’ve seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical. * * * Chaim Mattis Keller [ckeller@kozmo.com](mailto:ckeller@kozmo.com) “Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.” – Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/27 "2000-03-22T16:19:00Z")
How about filthy limericks about the SDMB regs? A man from the Emerald Isle, the LAdies he liked by the pile, the thoughts in his head, seldom he said, for they were incredibly vile. pretty lame eh? please do a better one!! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/28 "2000-03-23T04:01:00Z")
A limerick for you Brits. Blame Edward Gorey. From Number 10 Penwiper Mews, Comes most abominable news. They’ve discovered a head, In the box for the bread, But nobody seems to know whose! ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/29 "2000-03-23T04:16:00Z")
There once was a guy named Lew Whose girlfriend told him “We’re through!” But without a sound she soon came around, Cause she liked the taste of his goo! You’re welcome. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ophanim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8491ac/32.png) [@Ophanim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ophanim)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/30 "2000-03-23T04:28:00Z")
There once was a vampire named Mabel Who’s periods were very unstable One night by the moon She pulled out a spoon And drank herself under the table. That’s a pretty one. * * * Where’s my side of FUN!? Kisses! Ophy ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2000, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/31 "2000-03-25T03:44:00Z")
My friend from Seattle wrote these. If you like puns, poop and necrophilia, you might like them. (An epitaph thrown in too.) There once was a beautiful collie The family initially named Polly. When the pooch rolled over They renamed it Rover As Polly was awfully bally. Of the wives of King Henry 'tis said They all were disastrous in bed. But the King wasn’t blue For his regalness knew In the end they would give him head. Heard about the grave of Kate? She gave her all on every date So this was written on her slate, “Dig me up – it’s not too late.” The diggers who bought the whole town out of shovels weren’t able to drown out the barks of the poopers who absent their scoopers had caused a magnificent brown-out. His fiancee, befuddled and frantic, at midsea, on the steamer Titanic, as they plummeted seaward he shouted from leeward “The sunset is so necromantic!” ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2000, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/32 "2000-03-25T05:03:00Z")
A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2000, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/33 "2000-03-25T06:31:00Z")
There was a young lad from St. Lou who gave his dear sister a screw. He said, with aplomb, “You’re better than mom!” She said, “That’s what dad told me, too.” ---
**Author:** ![Huemr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/eada6e/32.png) [@Huemr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Huemr)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2000, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125/34 "2000-03-25T06:39:00Z")
There once was a young man from Peru Who went sailing in his canoe While dreaming of Venus He pounded his penus and woke up with a hand full of goo [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-limericks/15125.md?page=1)