# Dirty song parodies **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 17, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354 "2004-12-17T15:47:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/1 "2004-12-17T15:47:28Z")
Okay, I can’t hold out any more. When I’m driving, or when my mind wanders, sometimes I make up stupid, dirty lyrics to songs. Some may find them offensive, but that is how they came out. Sorry about that. **Sung to _If I Only Had A Brain_:** \*I thought that we’d be lovers And play beneath the covers And then she cut a fart I was engaged in cunnilingus How could she do a thing like this? How could she cut a fart? My tongue was down there turning Then my eyes started burning And I could barely breath The odour from her anus Was something rather heinous I thought that I would heave\* (I’d made up one more verse, but I’ve forgotten it.) **Sung to the tune of _Good King Wenceslas_:** _Once a good king went to sea And his name was Wencel He ate oysters so that he Could ‘put lead in his pencil’ Buggering the cabin boy King Wencel found dandy Wencel was a goodly king But a trifle ra-an-dy!_ **Sung to the tune of _Deck The Halls_:** _'Tis the season to be jolly Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la I’m in the kitchen screwing Moly Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la Oh, no! Here comes her Uncle Gerald! Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la He’ll bugger you if you’re not careful Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la_ **Sung to the tune of _As Time Goes By_:** \*You must remember this That when you take a piss You must unzip your fly! Or you will not stay dry Unzip your fly Because if you do not You’ll wind up with a spot Of urine on your thigh If you want to stay dry Unzip your fly Too many men Forget this simple rule Every now and then They’ll wind up in a pool Wetness on your groin Really isn’t cool On that, you can rely So listen to me, mate When e’er you urinate (You know I wouldn’t lie!) Keep yourself high and dry Unzip your fly!\* Okay, I’ve gotten that out of my system. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/2 "2004-12-17T18:08:44Z")
You are so goijng to hell. Where you’ll have to do 8 shows a week for all time. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/3 "2004-12-17T19:19:43Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > You are so goijng to hell. For which one? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/4 "2004-12-17T23:27:04Z")
Now you know the fare of John Valby, a.k.a Dr. Dirty. I think he still plays a limited circuit-saw him in Philly about 15 years ago out in university city at the old Chestnut Cabaret. \*Over the river and through the woods to the whore house we will go… The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down of the big one they called itchy womby…\* ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/5 "2004-12-18T02:46:02Z")
**Johnny** , those are sick, perverted, and disgusting. Clearly, you’re my kinda guy. And you’re not the only one who does this. I’m not sure I’m ready to make _Pervert Cowboy Joe_ public, but I’ll share _Dingleberry Dump_ (to the tune of _Jingle Bell Rock_). Dingleberry, dingleberry, dingleberry dump Comes out in balls, not just a big lump Sitting, and grunting, and cutting a fart While you’re waiting for your dump to start Dingleberries, dingleberries, dingleberries drop Into the bowl, they make a ker-plop Sink to the bottom while you’re sitting there On your derriere Well your pot time is when you’ve got time To read a magazine Have some fun there, and when you’re done there Use some paper to wipe it clean Into the bathroom, sit on the seat Cover it with your rump When those turdlets drop out so neat That’s a dingleberry dump ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/6 "2004-12-20T15:40:19Z")
Just thought of another one I made up years ago. How about a little Elvis? 😃 **Sung to _Caught In A Trap_:** _I’m caught in a trap 'Cause I’ve got the clap And I don’t know how to tell my baby Because, don’t you see She didn’t give it to me I got it from some other lady [falsetto] Do-do do DO do! Do-do do DO do!_ Oh, yeah… **Sung to _Heartbreak Hotel_"** _Well since my baby left me I ain’t been feelin’ well I put a pistol in her mouth and Blew her to Hell…_ (Okay, that one wasn’t dirty. It was just _wrong_. Any humour would come from shock value alone, and not from any cleverness. Sort of like: ‘A funny thing happened to me on the way over here today. This joker came up to me and said, “I haven’t had a **bite** in three days!” So I picked up a pipe and took him down at the knees. He went down like a sack of potatoes. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed!’) ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/7 "2004-12-20T16:29:26Z")
When we were in high school my best friend and I made up new words for “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” (that’s what they got for letting us sit together in choir!) Not dirty, but not one you sing in front of Grandma. Though I did sing it for my dad a couple of weeks ago. Enjoy. “I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas.” I’ll be stoned for Christmas You can count on me. We’ll have smokes, And whiskey cokes, And reefer 'round the tree. Christmas Eve will find me, Where the bong light gleams. I’ll be stoned for Christmas, If only in my dreams. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/8 "2004-12-20T16:42:38Z")
Heh. I thought of the same thing; but I never went beyond the first line. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/9 "2004-12-20T17:50:21Z")
Well, by all means feel free to use our lyrics, **Johnny L.A.**! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/10 "2004-12-20T17:55:39Z")
Well, since you guys seem to have a talent for this maybe you could do something with the title “Lovin’ An Alligator”? It pops into my head whenever I hear the Aerosmith song “Love In An Elevator” but I can never bring myself to look up the actual lyrics in order to parody them. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/11 "2004-12-20T18:09:31Z")
The old George Hamilton **Abilene** Lipstick on an old French letter A case of pox that won’t get better And when I piss it stings These foolish things remind me of you Abilene, Abilene Prettiest town I ever seen. Folks down there don’t treat you mean In Abilene, my Abilene. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/12 "2004-12-20T18:14:51Z")
This is one of my favorite hobbies as well. I don’t think I’ve ever had one of my song parodies stick around very long though. I tend to make them up on the fly to amuse my wife and/or kids. Typically they’re not very dirty, or if they are it is all double entendres so I can sneak the meaning past the kids. I like to take Disney tunes and twist them just because of the additional “arrg! Need brain bleach!” factor. You’d be suprised at how easily “Kiss the Girl” from “The Little Mermaid” can be parodied into something quite raunchy. In fact, a lot of Little Mermaid songs have been parodied around my house. “Under the Sea” practically begs for it if indeed it wasn’t a parody of itself in the original writer’s intent. “Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me” always has me raising eyebrows. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/13 "2004-12-20T19:18:26Z")
Not that it’s dirty, but here’s my version of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” Snakes, Vultures, Nematodes (Nematodes) Snakes, Vultures, Nematodes (Nematodes) And Frogs and Slugs and Bugs and Toads Snakes, Vultures, Nematodes (Nematodes) ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/14 "2004-12-20T20:07:16Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > Well, since you guys seem to have a talent for this maybe you could do something with the title “Lovin’ An Alligator”? It pops into my head whenever I hear the Aerosmith song “Love In An Elevator” but I can never bring myself to look up the actual lyrics in order to parody them. I’ve always thought that as well, followed by “It’s hard to stay up when he’s going down.” I’ve also always wanted to finish “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down on Me,” by Elton John. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/15 "2004-12-20T21:20:03Z")
> [@SiXSwordS](#): > > Not that it’s dirty, but here’s my version of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” > > Snakes, Vultures, Nematodes (Nematodes) > Snakes, Vultures, Nematodes (Nematodes) > And Frogs and Slugs and Bugs and Toads > Snakes, Vultures, Nematodes (Nematodes) With my sister and I it was “Head, shoulders, knees and KICK,” at which time we would kick one another in the shins. Which reminds me of a song my sister and I made up (you won’t hear this one on Barney!). I hate you, You hate me, We’re a dysfunctional family, With great big kick And a slap from me to you, Won’t you say you hate me too! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/16 "2004-12-20T21:28:32Z")
In honor of this glorious holiday season: By the chimney hung with care are my stockings And underwear. It’s gonna be a Full Frontal Christmas this year (Christmas this year). Not a creature stirring in the house. Where is Santa? Where’s my blouse? I’m hoping for a Full Frontal Christmas this year (Christmas this year). Santa’s devotion, I’ve got a notion to give you the shirt off my back. Logs on the fire, I’ve got a desire for things you can bring in your sack. Took off my sweater, it’s virgin wool. My stocking’s empty But my Monty’s full. We’re going to have a Full Frontal Christmas this year. Well, hello man, take the coat off that snowman For Frosty’s begining to thaw. He’ll grin and bare it. Look at his carrot. Say “fa la la la la la la la.” Lately we’ve been singing as a whole. Santa’s bring the whole North Pole. It’s gonna be a Full Frontal Christmas this year (Christmas this year). So let’s have some fun, let’s have a ball. It’s all for one, and one for all with a Full Frontal Christmas this year (Christmas this year). ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/17 "2004-12-20T22:58:45Z")
This might be too nasty, but here goes. To La Cucaracha Lick my c-ro-tch-a Lick my c-ro-tch-a Please to suck upon my schwanz! Lick my c-ro-tch-a Lick my c-ro-tch-a Please to do it more than once! ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/18 "2004-12-21T00:02:14Z")
> [@Gary T](#): > > but I’ll share _Dingleberry Dump_ (to the tune of _Jingle Bell Rock_)… And this shall mark the third time I’ve made reference to this dirty version of _Jingle Bell Rock_ in one of these annual Holiday Season Song-Parody Threads. _Stroke-a my, lick-a my, suck-a my c_ck It’s the first time for you So here’s what ya’ do: Unzip me, and strip me And show me you care Don’t go rippin’ out my pubic hair… Reach for my, grab for my, pull on my c_ck You can do it with ease Just get on your knees Start lickin’, and slurpin’ My d_ck will get firm Soon you’ll be tasting sperm\* I’ll stop there, both because it doesn’t get any better, and because I don’t know if it’s copyrighted. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/19 "2004-12-21T06:52:48Z")
Look at this shit, isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete? Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl The girl who’s got everything? Look at this twat, treasures untold How many “wonders” can one cavern hold? Looking around here, you’d think Sure, she’s done everything I’ve got dildoes and vibrators a-plenty I’ve got nipple-clips and butt-plugs galore You want ball gags? I’ve got twenty But who cares? No big deal. I’m a whore… ---
**Author:** ![bubastis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@bubastis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubastis)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354/20 "2004-12-21T08:30:25Z")
When… The… Top of his knob hits, The roof of your gob, Thats… A blowjob (Thats a Blowjob) If he comes in your mouth, Swallow or spit it out, Its a dilema, (Dirty Phlegm-a) Now thats Amore! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dirty-song-parodies/280354.md?page=2)