# Disappointed in my friends regarding my birthday **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 16, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543 "2013-05-16T19:27:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/21 "2013-05-16T21:25:39Z")
I haven’t had anything resembling a birthday party or cake since high school. My parents will call me and tell me happy birthday, and sometimes my siblings, but that’s about all. Sometimes people will say happy birthday on my facebook page, but only a few. No one else gives a shit. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/22 "2013-05-16T21:28:50Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Shouldn’t this thread be called “Two of my friends and my sister acknowledged my birthday in the manner I usually want, whereas two other friends went way, way beyond what I usually want and that was really nice of them”? > [@drewtwo99](#): > > Not sure where you’re getting that. Two of my friends did nice things for me. Nobody else really did anything other than just by saying “happy birthday” which is nice, I kind of read it the same way as Hentor. You said "And usually, honestly, I don’t really care or even think about if anyone gets me anything. Usually a call or a text or just saying happy birthday to me in general is all I want. "…and that’s exactly what you got from two of your friends, they said “happy birthday”, it’s not fair to be mad because they didn’t also give you a card. You have to ask yourself an honest question, if they gave you card, would you be a little bit upset that you spend $90 each on them and they didn’t get you a small gift? It’s not far to put an arbitrary line in the sand that they don’t know about and be mad that they didn’t live up to it. That would be like me cooking dinner for a friend and being upset that she thanked me but didn’t give me a hug, or she gave me a hug but didn’t at least ‘offer’ to pay me for the food. The other issue that I see is that you sort of turned the tables on them, giving other people gifts for your birthday isn’t the norm, so it makes sense that they might not know how to react to that. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/23 "2013-05-16T21:55:23Z")
Happy birthday **D299!** What is your hangup with cards? I prefer hugs. My late wife would announce her birthday a month in advance. With reminders daily. At first I thought it was a little strange. But I understood the gist of it…My birthdays is coming and now you know it. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/24 "2013-05-16T21:59:44Z")
I agree that it is unfair to expect something in return or anything at all. I didn’t take these people out expecting to get anything in return. I just wanted to have a fun time with them, and that’s what I got. I shouldn’t be bothered by a lack of a card or presents or whatever. I should just be happy with what I do have and what I did get (time with friends). I guess I’m more upset about the fact that this is bothering me at all, more than the bothering itself. I’ll get over it though. Thanks all for the insights and opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/25 "2013-05-16T22:04:34Z")
Moved to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/26 "2013-05-16T22:12:46Z")
Happy Birthday to you! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/27 "2013-05-16T22:12:49Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I agree that it is unfair to expect something in return or anything at all. I didn’t take these people out expecting to get anything in return. I just wanted to have a fun time with them, and that’s what I got. I shouldn’t be bothered by a lack of a card or presents or whatever. I should just be happy with what I do have and what I did get (time with friends). I guess I’m more upset about the fact that this is bothering me at all, more than the bothering itself. > > I’ll get over it though. Thanks all for the insights and opinions. Shrug it off. You had a good time, so quit with the WPP. Have a drink on me, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/28 "2013-05-16T22:25:53Z")
I think it would have been cool if they had done something for you in return for the theater tickets. Birthday or no birthday. Like take you to dinner or pay for drinks/dessert after the show. I’d like to think that if I was ever treated to a night-out with a friend, I would do something like this. Especially if there was a birthday involved. So I totally get where you are coming from. That said, one good thing about not putting any special emphasis on birthdays is that you never get disappointed. Your friends could have a week long extravaganza for you every year, but that one year they forget to do it will be what you remember. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/29 "2013-05-16T22:27:43Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I think it would have been cool if they had done something for you in return for the theater tickets. Birthday or no birthday. Like take you to dinner or pay for drinks/dessert after the show. I’d like to think that if I was ever treated to a night-out with a friend, I would do something like this. Especially if there was a birthday involved. So I totally get where you are coming from. > > That said, one good thing about not putting any special emphasis on birthdays is that you never get disappointed. Your friends could have a week long extravaganza for you every year, but that one year they forget to do it will be what you remember. Yeah, it’s kind of ironic. We build up such lofty expectations of amazing, happy birthdays in our children. Half-way probably because we ourselves remember being kids and loving our birthdays and we want to make them magical again, because as adults, they kind of suck. Haha. ---
**Author:** ![LouLou7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@LouLou7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouLou7)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/30 "2013-05-16T22:43:47Z")
Happy Birthday, Drewtwo. I totally understand wanting a little extra _validation_ from people who care about you when you’re in a low place. It’s not about “getting stuff” from people, it’s just about being reminded that you are important to the important folks in your life. I’m sorry you’re having a rough patch. Here’s wishing that next year on your birthday, you’ll be in a much happier space, emotionally and mentally. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/31 "2013-05-16T22:44:58Z")
Yeah. I’m in a group of friends where the birthday person can expect to get a lovely dinner out of it, and then they chip in on all the other birthday dinners. Anything more is really an extra. I’ve gotten to the point where I know that wanting my birthday to be some special day is really my thing and no one else’s. So if I want it to be some special day, I’m the one responsible for putting it together, and my present from my friends is their participation. And nothing else. These days, time with my friends is much more precious than any card or gift they could get me. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/32 "2013-05-16T22:46:39Z")
Here’s a virtual hug for you. _hugs_ It’s nice that you at least got to do something for your birthday, and if you didn’t really enjoy your birthday this year, I hope your next one is better. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/33 "2013-05-16T23:26:52Z")
Honestly, people who expect anything more than a passing acknowledgement of their birthday wear me out. I wonder if these people were products of parents who made a huge deal every year out of their birthday. In my culture, you got a big party only on milestone birthdays (1, 5, 16, 21) but, otherwise we got a homemade cake and a modest present from our parents, and that was about it. So, Drew, my advice is to realize that it’s not personal. A lot of people just don’t see birthdays as a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/34 "2013-05-16T23:38:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Now, I’m not the kind of guy who makes a big deal about his birthday I disagree. evidence? this thread. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/35 "2013-05-16T23:40:36Z")
Meh, it’s your birthday. How old are you now? It’s probably time to stop expecting anything at all. An acknowledgement is nice but really, I would only even expect that from my closest family, and even at that, if all I could get out of my birthday is an excuse to have a day to spend how I wished, I’m ecstatic. **DCnDC** is correct, birthdays are bullshit if you’re over 16. Though not as bullshit as some other “holidays” we tend to celebrate. Between all the fucking graduations, weddings, New Years Eve, Valentines Day, St. Pattys Days, Cinco De Mayo, Mother’s Day / Father’s Day, 4th of Julys, etc. and any other reason to try and cram everyone into seeing everyone else in the same day (or an excuse to drink booze), everyone you know _has a Birthday_. Celebratory over-saturation to say the least. Oh, how I enjoy the days where there are absolutely no obligations, explicit or implied — for someone/thing else or myself. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/36 "2013-05-16T23:51:11Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Today is my birthday. I am now officially in my late 50s. > > I’d just as soon pass on the whole thing, if it weren’t for the alternative. Hey, it’s my birthday, too! Happy birthday, birthday twin! **drewtwo99** Happy birthday to you! ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/37 "2013-05-17T00:00:29Z")
Don’t worry, your clueless friends and sister are feeling pretty guilty watching your _real_ friends buy you dinner and give you presents. Personally, I think every birthday should be as special as your 10th. 😃 Happy Birthday ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/38 "2013-05-17T00:37:50Z")
Sometimes birthdays seem like they are going to be cool, but they punch you in the balls as they go past, like HS jerks. You thought this would be ok, but it hit harder than it should. I’m sorry for that (and Happy Belated Birthday). Look, your friends meant well, but they were indecisive. They didn’t know what you wanted & were afraid of being wrong. I’m not so sure things would have been better if 6 of them had thrown you in the back of a van, put a sack over your head, drove you to Vegas, hand-cuffed you to a stripper pole, and paid girls to abuse you all weekend. I mean, No One wants That. But, big numbers… they Suck, whether you get forgotten or worse… get your big number dragged out in front of the crowd Simpsons Style [Nelson Muntz]“Look whose old! Ha-ha!” [/Nelson Muntz]. It Sucks. Somehow, you have to deal. Somehow, you need to find a hand-hold, pull yourself back on your feet, and walk away from it. Because people forget birthdays. Sometimes, its a blessing. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/39 "2013-05-17T00:50:06Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > I haven’t had anything resembling a birthday party or cake since high school. My parents will call me and tell me happy birthday, and sometimes my siblings, but that’s about all. Sometimes people will say happy birthday on my facebook page, but only a few. No one else gives a shit. Ditto this. Except my siblings don’t call in their happy birthday wishes, they text them. It’s just another day. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543/40 "2013-05-17T00:50:28Z")
DrewToo, I’m with you. I would also have been hurt and disappointed. Some people don’t care about birthdays and that’s fine. But some of us like a little acknowledgment or something. One thing I do is I no longer assume people know I expect something. I give big hints, and if the day draws near or arrives and nothing appears to be forthcoming, I initiate something. I don’t expect anyone to read my mind, and I can be a real bitch when deeply disappointed, so a pre-emptive strike is best for everyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disappointed-in-my-friends-regarding-my-birthday/658543.md?page=3)