Greg could ask the Court to order that some portion of his $2500 (say 10%) be put directly in a college fund for the boys and only the remainder be paid to her. This would mean that he would know that at least a portion of the money he is paying would be used only for his kids when it comes time for them to go off to college.
However, it would be less money coming in to support that household, so his kids would be worse off for a while. And he can be sure that the mother would tell his kids that daddy is just cutting back on the money for you, and blame it all on him. And his kids might believe it for a while – they would certainly know that there is less money coming into the household.
There is also a small chance that a Judge would say “you’re right – they need a college fund. Keep paying $2500 a month support plus put $500 a month in a college fund”. Then your household would be worse off. (But really, Greg ought to be putting away money for college already – he can’t expect his kids to get any from their mother!)
nyctea, just as an FYI: Child support is actually meant to also assist the custodial parent with THEIR expenses related to the children. So, as long as she’s keeping them clothed and fed, she’s able to do whatever the heck she pleases.
Sure, go ahead and live with your father - and let the rest of us starve. Don’t you love your little siblings? Don’t you appreciate what I’m doing for you? Isn’t life hard enough with their father in jail, if YOUR father hadn’t left me I’d never be in this situation etc etc.
I bet Greg’s kids are getting all this and more.
Shecky Well said. A friend of mine finally got a payment through the courts from her kids father - she bought a washing machine and the father thought she was squandering his money and NOT spending it on the kids. Sigh. She’d been living hand-to-mouth for years because of his lack of contributions.
Child support isn’t for college, it’s for supporting the children. College, after all, mostly happens after the child is 18, and in any case is not a necessary living expense. Parents shouldn’t legally be on the hook for college at all. It’s a good thing to save for, I’d agree, but why should a parent be legally obliged to do it?
My ex-wife has two half sisters and she loves them, and they love her, with the fire of a thousand suns, every bit as much (if not more, to be honest) than the full sisters love each other.
I can think of many other similar examples. It all depends on the home circumstances.
I don’t think so. It is not fair to Greg because *his *children are getting shortchanged. The fact that he would be paying the same money if hey were not getting shortchanged is irrelevant. He has the right to expect that *all *of the money he pays will be spent properly, not just some of it.
As a hypothetical, imagine that you had pledged a certain amount of money to pay for a parent’s care in a nursing home, and then found out that half the money was being spent on someone else’s parent, and consequently your parent was getting a lowered standard of care. It’s still the same out of pocket to you, but is it fair to you?
There’s a difference between what is “fair” and what is managebly enforcable by the State. The State doesn’t have the resources to determine if the amount of child support received by the other parent is properly spent on the affected children. The State can set minimum requirements and calculations, but it would not be cost efficient to review every case for proper spending of child support moneys.
While Greg’s situation is certainly unfair, it’s the law. and Greg will have to pony up the $30k a year until the kids turn 18.
This is probably how the kids are being turned against their dad. If they choose to live with their dad the rest of the family will be out on the street. Mothers are great at guilt trips. It’s probably easier for the kids to avoid seeing dad so they don’t accidentally let this slip.
The computers and iPod were probably sold by mom for extra money. If Greg wants to get the kids gifts he should give them stuff like clothes, shoes, backpacks and other school supplies. Mom could resell them but not for enough to make it worthwhile to deny kids something they need.
I feel bad for the kids, I doubt college is in their futures. They will most likely get jobs as soon as they are old enough and feel obligated to support their younger siblings.
No, but you can motion for a reduction in child support. I did this for a situation that was 90% identical to the OP.
Make sure the Greg sees his kids as much as humanly possible on as many overnights as possible. Keep logs of all visits. If you break 40% (at least here in Florida), you qualify for a reduction. I also hired a lawyer (for $500) to argue that since the ex isn’t obtaining (let alone maintaining) employment she should have at least minimum wages assigned to her in calculating CS. The lawyer’s exact words were “living on the largess of friends, family and boyfriends”.
What could have been an $1100/month payment was reduced to $588 – what I’m paying now.
File a motion of contempt for $75 and plead your case to the judge. Even if you lose, you’re still establishing a pattern for the ex that you can use later.
Document everything!!! Names, dates, witnesses, descriptions. Everything. Make sure a no move-away clause is in the custody agreement.
Yup, I think so, too. We have a thread right now about a guy who is deeply concerned about his girlfriend’s potentially huge student loan debt; if you don’t want to marry a guy who is emotionally and financially involved in a nightmare like this, then don’t - I certainly wouldn’t think less of someone for it. Different people have different tolerances for living situations.
ETA: Then there’s the whole co-mingling finances when you’re married thing - that could really blow up in their faces.
Because lots of people aren’t independent at 18. The majority aren’t - they either subsist on parental income or they subsist on low interest loans ponied up by the taxpayer in the form of government loans, such as Sallie Mae and the like. But quite a few states have child support go until 21. Rightfully so. If the parent can afford it, their kid should be entitled to help in college.
Supporting the children includes providing them with an education (college, trade school, whatever) so they can earn a living as an adult, in my opinion.
And in the opinion of many family court judges – it’s quite common for child support orders to provide that the support continues past age 18 if the child is in college or another educational institution. Some orders even require the payee to pay some of the college expenses, in addition to the child support.
In our county, non-custodial parents who objected to post-18 child support were often told ‘you should be happy with this – now your money will be going directly to the college for dorm rent, meals, etc. – so you know it’s all going to support your kid, instead of being squandered by your ex-spouse’. And most of them at least could agree with that somewhat.
That may be the case, but legally they’re adults and it’s their problem. It’s absurd to ask a parent to support an adult just because some other kids are living in their parents’ basements.
In my opinion, yes, it really should. I will help my child go to college.
Legally, however, it’s absolutely preposterous to force anyone to do it. I’d vote against that law 100 times out of 100.
I don’t actually care that that’s what you think. The courts have decided in many states that custodial parents can get support until the child is 21. That’s why you saying “I’d vote against that” is immaterial and even naive.
Incidentally, it’s very difficult to make the argument that people are adults at 18 when it is hard, even impossible to sign a lease regardless of income at 18 and most definitely illegal to drink alcohol.