# Discussions about sex, where to draw the line? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [May 9, 2025, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175 "2025-05-09T21:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ec9cab/32.png) [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MW_Degen_Gamblr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/61 "2025-06-05T16:44:18Z")
I would like to clarify that I’m not a creeper. I’m against non-consensual sex. And any jokes about such. If were to be a part of the animal kingdom, I would likely be a hormonal golden retriever. Not a black widow, dolphin, or any other any animal with a crazy mating strategy. I started this thread because I was confused. As someone mentioned earlier, this place has a counter-culture vibe. Most counter-culture spaces discuss and joke about sex freely. Within reason, of course. Just found it unusual that dropping occasional sexual references were off limits. ---
**Author:** ![MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ec9cab/32.png) [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MW_Degen_Gamblr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/62 "2025-06-05T16:51:56Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I think that what some are calling as over judgey, others might call giving a shit what people other than white men think. Remember Rape Weeks around here? The reason we have the rules we have now are because of the excesses of the past. Did that seriously go on here??? I can’t imagine such ever being allowed. Crazy! That is totally unacceptable. That sort of discourse isn’t my cup of tea at all. Ok then, I guess that’s why those rules were made up. But it does seem like the pendulum has swung too far the other way now? ---
**Author:** ![MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ec9cab/32.png) [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MW_Degen_Gamblr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/63 "2025-06-05T17:00:10Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > One person’s uptight, prudish, and judgmental is another person’s sigh of relief and feeling of safety at last. Sensitivity to the experience of others is something that white males aren’t famously good at. Maybe they can practice? > > One person’s hilarious bon mot is another person’s horrifying image of torture. Who gets to choose? > > “Lighten up, it’s just a joke” is what every denigrated, bullied, and condescended-to person has heard all their life. Why did you have to add race to this? I can assure you that women will not escape the patriarchy by exclusively associating with non-white men. Also, I don’t ever recall mentioning my race on here. I may or may not be a white man. It is kind of presumptuous to automatically assume that everyone you’re talking to on the internet is a white male by default. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/64 "2025-06-05T17:01:27Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > I may or may not be a white man. Just personal experience, but I have never seen anyone but a white man say something like this. Change my mind? ---
**Author:** ![MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ec9cab/32.png) [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MW_Degen_Gamblr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/65 "2025-06-05T17:07:28Z")
> [@ewomack](#): > > How long can humans go without talking about sex? I think I’ve made it to 2 or 3 a few times, when the people in the room were asleep. 2 or 3 what? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? If I’m talking to someone like my boss or dad. A fucking looooong time. My friends? Maybe an hour? In mixed company such as here? It depends. If I’m somewhere like reddit, probably about an hour there too. Here? Looks like I’ll have to go much longer than that in order to maintain my posting privileges and good graces with those on the board. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/66 "2025-06-05T17:14:10Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > Looks like I’ll have to go much longer than that in order to maintain my posting privileges and good graces with those on the board. If the only way you can talk about sex is to use words like “pv$$y”, maybe so. ---
**Author:** ![MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ec9cab/32.png) [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MW_Degen_Gamblr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/67 "2025-06-05T17:16:28Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > > [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > > > I made a masturbation joke and mentioned that I didn’t live in my car “because I want to get laid”. I was told that was unacceptable and that is fine with me. > > That is risque and in poor taste and has no value as a topic of debate. > > > [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > > > I just want to discuss the hidden risks of pornography in the 2020s vs “back in the day” > > That sounds like a serious topic worthy of debate because changing attitudes affect change and development of societies. Will do. Modern porn is problematic mostly because of it’s customization. Yeah, I’ll start that thread some time soon. And it’s not just going to be about porn, it’s going to be about a LOT of things that are predatory. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/68 "2025-06-05T17:21:57Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > And it’s not just going to be about porn, it’s going to be about a LOT of things that are predatory. I think this is a good idea because, in my opinion at least, our society has become extremely predatory. I’m deluged by phone calls, emails, texts, and snail mail that are all designed to steal everything I own, and the legion of criminals doing this have a worldwide platform from which to perform their evil deeds. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/69 "2025-06-05T17:28:02Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > Did that seriously go on here??? I can’t imagine such ever being allowed. Crazy! That is totally unacceptable. Oh yeah, search for the term “rape week” here. It will only go back to 2013, or so, but you find plenty of people referencing it and talking about the fallout including changing rules. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/70 "2025-06-05T18:19:07Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > But it does seem like the pendulum has swung too far the other way now? I really wish everyone who complains the pendulum has swung too far (or not far enough) would provide specific examples. Show us a post that received too much moderation, or one that wasn’t modded and should have been. Give a specific example of something you’d like to post (and in what thread) but feel you can’t. It’s easy to speak in generalities, but it doesn’t get us anywhere. Here’s a specific example: > [@Cartooniverse](#): > > Reader: " Why can’t my roommate be having sex with his cat? " > > Cecil Adams: " Because you can’t park a Cadillac in a closet." > … > Were I to post a humorous bon mot into a thread now referring to bestiality, I cannot even imagine what the response would be. A “bon mot” about bestiality in a non-bestiality thread is obviously far out of bounds. I can exactly imagine the response: an unequivocal warning. I’m not sure about the response to a _question_ about bestiality, but I suspect it would not be allowed, more for the “illegal acts” rule than some non-existent rule about discussing sex. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/71 "2025-06-05T18:40:47Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > I suspect it would not be allowed, more for the “illegal acts” rule than some non-existent rule about discussing sex. To add, it should also be disallowed due to obvious consent concerns. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/72 "2025-06-05T18:49:49Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > Just found it unusual that dropping occasional sexual references were off limits. You continue to misinterpret what happened, despite multiple people trying to explain what the difference is. Lots of occasional sexual references here. But denigrating remarks are dinged. There was a shift a few years ago when women and LGBTQ people were leaving, very pointedly because of the casual and unchecked misogyny and homophobia. House was cleaned. Now you are living in the result. I have found that a large percentage of males cannot figure out what is denigrating and insulting and what isn’t. They have had carte blanche all their lives and when the subjects of their remarks finally speak up, they are astonished that anyone could take their harmless fun in such a way. When their actions are described from the hearer’s point of view, they are often still mystified, and want to argue and get their panties all twisted. This kind of discourse went on ad nauseam, it was enraging. Women left during these arguments, me being one of them, for a while. Too bad you weren’t here for it. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/73 "2025-06-05T18:53:45Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > If the only way you can talk about sex is to use words like “pv$$y”, maybe so. Thread winner. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/74 "2025-06-05T19:20:50Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > I have found that a large percentage of males cannot figure out what is denigrating and insulting and what isn’t. They have had carte blanche all their lives and when the subjects of their remarks finally speak up, they are astonished that anyone could take their harmless fun in such a way. Yes, this. When people talk about “white males” in particular struggling with the issue, it’s not because it has anything to do with being white or male. There’s nothing genetic about it, for example. It has to do with the culture being such it was during the majority of their lives (as this is mainly a problem for older white males) that this feels like a sudden shift, and they’re trying to get used to it. (If they are even decent enough to **try** , that is.) In contrast, non-whites and non-males have lived in world where they are keenly aware of language and attitudes being hurtful, because they were the ones being hurt. So when the subject comes up, it’s a no-brainer. (I should also add “cishet” as well, as this also applies to people in the LGBTQ+ community.) Disclaimer: I am an older cishet white male. I think I try and I don’t think I always get things right. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a very racially and ethnically diverse neighborhood, and my group of friends growing up might have looked like they were chosen by a panel of people to provide proper representation. With the major exception of not being around anyone LGBTQ+, at least not openly, until I became an adult, and that took some adjustment. The point I’m making is that we need to be aware of these things. If you say things that are offensive and don’t mean to, you shouldn’t take a correction or request as an attack. Unless it’s obvious that you’re doing so on purpose, people aren’t going to get mad at you. (With the rare exception of people specifically looking for something to be offended about, but in my experience that is actually a lot rarer on these boards than some might think.) All of this comes back to the most important rule of the SDMB, “Don’t be a jerk.” ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/75 "2025-06-05T21:37:51Z")
> [@DemonTree](#): > > I think society has just become more prudish over the last couple of decades, so sex jokes are now seen as a big deal when they weren’t before. At one time, racist jokes were not seen as a big deal. I certainly remember at least one from when I was a kid. Now I cringe, but it was funny then, before I knew better. What’s being objected to here is not a sex joke per se, it’s a degrading, misogynist attitude being displayed in a “joke”. Sex jokes frequently have a dehuminization or objectification of women or a degrading view of gays. That’s what we want to get rid of at the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/76 "2025-06-05T21:53:38Z")
> [@DemonTree](#): > > I think society has just become more prudish over the last couple of decades I don’t think that’s accurate. The word porn and the idea of porn is openly discussed in public. Terms like “cougar” and MILF are openly on TV shows, and not limited to or cable. Someone around here has a bumper sticker “I Love MILFs”. Heck, on separate incidents I’ve seen the word “fuck” on a T- shirt and a bumper sticker. Not even censored. Now there may be a MAGA push against forms of sex talk, but I’m pretty sure the Fuck bumper sticker was a MAGA truck. What _has_ happened is the “Me Too” movement and the idea of reducing misogynistic jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/77 "2025-06-06T03:20:32Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > > [@DemonTree](#): > > > > I think society has just become more prudish over the last couple of decades > > I don’t think that’s accurate. I think it probably is. > **[Gen Z Kids Apparently Really Hate Sex Scenes in Movies](https://futurism.com/gen-z-movie-sex-scenes)** > > A survey of 1,500 Gen Z-ers has found that more than 50% want to see more content focused on friendship and less on, well, getting it on.  > **['Teens want less sex in movies and TV shows': Yet again, we are having this...](https://www.themarysue.com/teens-want-less-sex-in-movies-and-tv-shows-yet-again-we-are-having-this-annoying-argument/)** > > Another day, another frustrating conversation about sex scenes in media has emerged. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/78 "2025-06-06T12:08:45Z")
For many years, way before the Me Too movement, people have suggested that “Blazing Saddles” would never be green-lit, no less released, in the 2020s. That’s a shame. We need that kind of mirror to be held up to our collective faces. I’d like to think that the SDMB remains one of those mirrors. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/79 "2025-06-06T12:14:17Z")
I think the MAGA movement is a reaction to white men being asked to maybe not be so racist and sexist. Those if you who missed those days, you’re in luck, they’re coming back “I feel liberated,” one top banker told the paper. “We can say ‘retard’ and ‘pussy’ without the fear of getting cancelled.… It’s a new dawn.” > **[Trump’s Win Has Tech Bros Delighted They Can Say Slurs Again](https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-win-tech-bros-celebrating-180050318.html)** > > Donald Trump has empowered them to be their worst selves. ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175/80 "2025-06-06T13:21:01Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > I think it probably is. Exactly. I found a [survey](https://www.thetimes.com/uk/society/article/gen-z-marriage-sex-relationships-survey-27s7n5297) from the UK: > [@](#): > > The Times Generation Z study revealed that only a fifth of 18 to 27-year-olds believed that marriage was “irrelevant”, while a third thought it better for a couple to be married before having children. > > The research showed that young adults today were more in favour of marriage than young adults 20 years ago, when almost twice the proportion — 39 per cent — thought marriage to be irrelevant. > > Today a 65-year-old is almost as likely to believe that marriage is irrelevant as someone in their early twenties. > [@](#): > > The Times survey’s findings on casual relationships showed a big change over the past two decades: Generation Z was far more conservative than the millennial generation that came before them. > > Only 23 per cent of 18 to 27-year-olds said their friends commonly had sex on a one-night stand — a steep fall from the 78 per cent of millennials who said yes to that question 20 years ago. > [@](#): > > On the issue of internet pornography, a phenomenon that has certainly increased over the years between the two surveys, less than half (40 per cent) said that they thought their friends commonly looked at it, compared with 58 per cent 20 years ago. Young people today, etc etc. They don’t go out to pubs and clubs as much either. Nightlife isn’t near what it was in my day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discussions-about-sex-where-to-draw-the-line/1018175.md?page=5)