# Discworld vs. LoTR matchups **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 31, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751 "2003-08-31T04:04:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/1 "2003-08-31T04:04:16Z")
Inspired by all the recent {HP character} vs. {LoTR character} threads, I thought it would be interesting to explore a few Discworld/LoTR matchups. The one that came immediately to mind is **Aragorn vs. Carrot** : Aragorn: King in waiting. Raised by elves. Girlfriend’s an elf. Carrot: Rumored King operating behind the scenes. Raised by dwarves. Girlfriend’s a werewolf. Who’d come out on top? Others I’d like to see: **Nobby Nobbs vs. Gollum** **Fred Colon vs. Barliaman Butterbur** **Ridcully vs. Gandalf** **The Bursar vs. Radagast** **Galadrial vs. Esme Weatherwax** Any others? Any bets you’d like to place? ---
**Author:** ![A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/46a35a/32.png) [@A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_wizard_song_for_thee)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/2 "2003-08-31T07:06:37Z")
The wizards of Middle-Earth definitely have the wizards of the Discworld beat, because the only reason that the wizards of DW can continue to exist is that they essentially make themselves useless. Though, well, it’s possible that the Librarian could take down Sauron single-handedly if he called him the M word. I’d like to take Galadriel on that one, but I wouldn’t bet against Granny even if she was going up against Illuvatar himself. Carrot versus Aragorn would be an interesting one, but couldn’t ever see it happening. They’re both so noble. Sickeningly so. Unless Angua ate Arwen. Woof. Speaking of woof, I think Gaspode could convince Shadowfax to buck off Gandalf. Which’d be funny. Hmm, I wonder whom Sam Vimes would be a good bet to whup up on. Probably Aragorn, now that I think about his, um, sentiment toward kings. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/3 "2003-08-31T08:04:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by A wizard song for thee \* > The wizards of Middle-Earth definitely have the wizards of the Discworld beat, because the only reason that the wizards of DW can continue to exist is that they essentially make themselves useless. Disagree. The Discworld wizards have one major advantage – they’re backed by the most powerful force known to man and literature, the **Comedic Plot Device.** They will win any fight if that victory is needed to advance the storyline or set up a cheap joke. 😉 > [@](#): > > Though, well, it’s possible that the Librarian could take down Sauron single-handedly if he called him the M word. The Librarian could take out Sauron if he had a will to, IMO. As for Nobby Nobbs vs. Gollum, Nobbs easily, because he’d fight dirty. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/4 "2003-08-31T08:17:59Z")
Lobsang vs Frodo ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/5 "2003-08-31T09:35:54Z")
Don’t forget that the DW wizzard always get the million-to-one-chance that _will always work_!!! The ents and the trolls seem like a good matchup. ---
**Author:** ![ratty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ccd318/32.png) [@ratty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratty)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/6 "2003-08-31T10:21:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*Lobsang vs Frodo \*\* Man, are you joking? Lobsang is the anthropomorphic personification of time itself; Frodo is just some little dude with big feet. He’d destroy that hobbit _and_ make off with the One Ring, then pawn it down at the Disappearing/Reappearing Suspiciously Magical Store. Ridcully would no way fight Gandalf- they’d get along too well. I imagine them kicking back for a smoke on top of the Tower of Art, singing “A Wiard’s Staff Has A Knob On the End”. Vimes could probably take down Aragorn, but only because he’d use the patented Vimes Elbow. Carrot would most likely re-organize the city of Minas Tirith into one huge tourist attraction, hiring Gimli as Special Advisor on how best to display the fine examples of stonemasonry present in the city. And Angua could just rip out Arwen’s throat if she got any flak. Of course, once trade was opened between Ankh-Morpork and the Kingdom of Gondor, you know Vetinari would have them eating out of his hand. Now, Esme Weatherwax is a badass. Sure, Galadriel was born in Valinor before the sun first rose, but Granny has the mad skillz. And no way would she put up with Galadriel’s ceaseless rhetoric or self-important rambling. She just can’t be having with that kind of a thing. (Whenever I read “Lords & Ladies”, I always picture the Queen of the Elves as Galadriel.) Nanny Ogg would also defeat any elven army single-handedly simply by singing a few verses of the hedgehog song. Nobby might also get along too well with Gollum to bother fighting him. Possibly they could go into business with Dibbler selling fish bones and commemorative “Precioussss” waterglobes. Sauron? Don’t make me laugh. The Librarian has looong arms, and it’s hard to be an evil Dark Lord when someone keeps poking you in the Flaming Eye and shouting “Ook!”. What I’d really like to see is Death turning up throughout “Lord of the Rings”: BOROMIR, SON OF DENETHOR? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/7 "2003-08-31T11:02:20Z")
Rincewind and Radagast. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/8 "2003-08-31T14:16:56Z")
Rincey and Radagast? Sitting on the steps (of where, I have no idea, but on the steps) sharing a cigarette and watching. I think the Luggage might eat Sauron and/or the ring. “Well, that was quick…” Granny just -wins-. One fun thing – all the werewolves in Middle-Earth are eeeeevil, and servants of Sauron. Imagine the fun fun fun when Aragorn &co. find out about Angua. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/9 "2003-08-31T14:16:57Z")
Rincey and Radagast? Sitting on the steps (of where, I have no idea, but on the steps) sharing a cigarette and watching. I think the Luggage might eat Sauron and/or the ring. “Well, that was quick…” Granny just -wins-. One fun thing – all the werewolves in Middle-Earth are eeeeevil, and servants of Sauron. Imagine the fun fun fun when Aragorn &co. find out about Angua. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/10 "2003-08-31T14:59:26Z")
Gandalf vs. Ridcully? Well, while Gandalf is an immortal being and an agent of the creator himself, with powers of command over the physical world, I don’t know how he’d deal with Ridcully’s “wow-wow” sauce. A draw. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Dirx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@Sir\_Dirx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Dirx)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/11 "2003-08-31T16:30:02Z")
How about the Auditors versus the Nazgul? That might be an interesting matchup. Or Death’s daughter Susan(?) versus Arwen. Or Cohen the Barbarian versus Saruman’s army of Uruk Hai? My money is on Cohen. ---
**Author:** ![Bubba\_Ray](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bubba\_Ray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubba_Ray)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/12 "2003-08-31T17:13:50Z")
Another vote for Gandalf and Ridcully just going to the nearest pub to have a pipe and a beer. Sauron against Vetinari, I guess withhin a week Vetinari would have turned the political situation far enough that Minas Tirith starts importing good Mount Doom welded steel, with AM getting a nice percentage of the gross. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/13 "2003-09-01T07:53:07Z")
_Albert_ vs Sauran, people. _Albert_! ---
**Author:** ![Dragon\_Phoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Dragon\_Phoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragon_Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/14 "2003-09-01T08:20:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sir Dirx \* > \*\*Or Death’s daughter Susan(?) versus Arwen. > \*\* [on]granddaughter…[/on] ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/15 "2003-09-01T11:09:50Z")
Angua vs Arwen. I can take on that pretty girl elf and win hands down. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bunnylady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Bunnylady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bunnylady)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/16 "2003-09-01T14:38:01Z")
I’d like to see Gimli fall in love with Cheery Littlebottom! ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/17 "2003-09-01T14:41:26Z")
You are aware the that a lot of TP is a parody of LOTR and rip-offs? I mean, Carrot _is_ Aragorn. In that vein: Detritus v Tom Cheri v Gimli (much pulling of beards) Frodo v Masklin Eagle v Greebo (much deus ex machina plot devices 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/18 "2003-09-01T14:43:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bubba Ray \* > \*\*Another vote for Gandalf and Ridcully just going to the nearest pub to have a pipe and a beer. > > Sauron against Vetinari, I guess withhin a week Vetinari would have turned the political situation far enough that Minas Tirith starts importing good Mount Doom welded steel, with AM getting a nice percentage of the gross. \*\* Or sauron would have the flaming eye turn into a death ray and blow up the castle/house/whatever the hell lord vetinari lives in. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/19 "2003-09-01T19:50:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hebesphenomegacorona \* > \*\*Or sauron would have the flaming eye turn into a death ray and blow up the castle/house/whatever the hell lord vetinari lives in. \*\* Vetinari would have been prepared for that. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751/20 "2003-09-01T22:38:49Z")
Actually, in thinking about it, screw the Fellowship, Cohen and the Silver Horde would have the whole fiasco settled inside of a week. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/discworld-vs-lotr-matchups/198751.md?page=2)