# Disney Films We Just Don't Need To See **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 15, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898 "2002-11-15T18:39:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/41 "2002-11-16T18:33:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LonesomePolecat \* > \*\*Disney’s \* The 120 Days of Sodom. \* > > Disney’s \* The Holy Bible, Old and New Testaments. \* Mickey would be Jesus, of course. Goofy gets to be Moses, and Donald gets to be Noah. \*\* What about just Disney’s Exodus? Goofy as Moses, Mickey Mouse as Aaron, Donald Duck as Pharoh, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/42 "2002-11-16T18:34:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LonesomePolecat \* > \*\*I just had this insane vision of Mickey Mouse in a loincloth nailed to a cross. His head is hanging down, his tongue is hanging out, and his eyes are X’ed out. Otherwise it looks like the crucifixion scene in \* Ben Hur. \* Is that crazy or what? \*\* I just imagined Porky Pig as Herod, being presented with the head of Mickey Mouse as John the Baptist (also with X’ed out eyes and lolling tongue). ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/43 "2002-11-16T18:38:21Z")
Walt Disney’s **Eraserhead** **Un Chien Pluto** ---
**Author:** ![Badandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@Badandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badandi)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/44 "2002-11-16T19:15:54Z")
**Disney’s American Psycho** ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/45 "2002-11-16T20:17:08Z")
Of course Donald was already Noah. But you all knew that, right? Last night I had “Disney’s Birth of a Nation” with a nice description but the small nagging feeling that maybe this was going too far when I made up the song. So I’ll leave it as just a suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/46 "2002-11-16T20:22:43Z")
\*\* Mickey would be Jesus, of course. Goofy gets to be Moses, and Donald gets to be Noah.\*\* I don’t see that at all. I see Jesus as a musclebound hero ala Hercules or Tarzan and voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas. God of course is a bearded old white man voiced by James Earl Jones, Robin Williams is Satan (“Command these stones turn to bread… specifically, really flakey croissants with a bit of cherry marmalade on the side… no? Is that your final answer?”), Britney Spears is Jesus’s girlfriend Mary Magdalene (one of the highlights is when they sail over Jerusalem on a centaur singing “You’re gonna love my Dad!”), Harvey Feirstein is Judas Iscariot (in keeping with the “cast an actual ethnic as a villain”— “I just wanna deliver up the Son of Man to attain his destiny! Is that so wro-ong!”), Roberto Benigni is Pontius Pilate (he was Italian after all), Jon Lovitz is Herod the Great (“then bring the baby to me… so that I can worship him… yeah, that’s the ticket… worship him!”), Billy Bob Thornton is John the Baptist (“mmmm… I love them locusts and mustard!”), and Angela Lansbury is the Virgin Mary, who early in the movie has to explain to her baby why he only gets one present for both Christmas and his birthday. In the end, Jesus wins the big race, gets off the cross with the help of his friend Beniah the Bluejay, wins the girl, and brings peace to the Middle East with his song. OTOH, who would you cast in a MUPPETS PASSION PLAY? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/47 "2002-11-16T20:27:28Z")
\*\*4. Walt Disney’s Equus Test audiences agreed that Edward Norton as Alan and Tom Hanks as Dysart are just hilarious in this animated version of Peter Shaffer’s play about insanity, societal conformity, the nature of sexuality, and grotesque animal abuse. Sting pens the movie’s hit song “Who Needs Horses, Anyway?”\*\* Robin Williams plays EQUUS of course, crying “Ohhhhh Wilbur!” as his eyes are put out. Since Alan sang commercial jingles, the possibilities for product placement are endless. I see Anthony Hopkins, who played the role on Broadway, as Dysart, only it’s Anthony as Hannibal as Dysart. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/48 "2002-11-16T20:31:35Z")
“Disney’s Last Tango in Paris” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/49 "2002-11-16T20:32:18Z")
Walt Disney presents THE PAINTED BIRD. An adorable little orphan boy (Haley Joel Osment) must make his way through wartime Poland while Nazis (Christopher Lloyd, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, & Ruth Buzzi) chase him and bestiality practicing farmers (Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie), drunken shepherds with prostitute girlfriends (Bruce Willis as Dean Martin and Shirley MacLaine), an anti-semitic butcher (Don Rickles), a talking chimp (Ben Stiller), and a gay genie (Robin Williams) all try to help him. In the end he learns the meaning of friendship and derails a train with a mute friend (Marlee Matlin). ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/50 "2002-11-16T20:39:37Z")
These are addictive, but sadly possible. DISNEY presents Sam Shepard’s “Buried Child” DISNEY presents “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee” (Sean Hayes as Sitting Bull, Robin Williams as Custer, and Patrick Swayze as Ghost Dancer) DISNEY presents “The Diary of Anne Frank” (starring Demi Moore with Nathan Lane as pet chipmunk Harry, Jackie Chan as Ho Chi Minh, and Professor Irwin Corey as Hitler). In the improved happy ending, the entire world moves into Anne’s attic, even Hitler once he apologizes. DISNEY presents BENT (Sean Hayes and Eric McCormack must outrun the Nazis and then figure out how to carry on a relationship in a concentration camp; Greg Kinnear appears as Bob Crane as Col. Hogan) DISNEY presents ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (Robin Williams supplies every voice but Nurse Cratchit, who is performed by Cher). ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/51 "2002-11-16T21:21:47Z")
We don’t really need to see sequels to _Snow White_, _Pinocchio_, _Cinderella_, _Hunchback_, or _Sleeping Beauty_, do we? ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/52 "2002-11-16T23:01:49Z")
Walt Disney’s **The Diary of Anne Frank** - A heartwarming story about a girl who survives the concentration camps. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/53 "2002-11-16T23:05:04Z")
ouch. apologies to the spirit of Anne Frank and anyone else who needs them… ordinarily I don’t do Nazi humor. I’m afraid I actually can imagine Disney disnifying Anne Frank’s story like that, though… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/54 "2002-11-16T23:56:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jab1 \* > \*\*We don’t really need to see sequels to _Snow White_, _Pinocchio_, _Cinderella_, _Hunchback_, or _Sleeping Beauty_, do we? \*\* No, but that wouldn’t the Mouse from pillaging his own stock. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/55 "2002-11-17T00:24:49Z")
Disney presents Deep Throat! Featuring the vocal talents of Ron Jeremy! ---
**Author:** ![green\_dragon\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/13edae/32.png) [@green\_dragon\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_dragon_1)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/56 "2002-11-17T01:39:57Z")
Walt Disney’s Lord of the Rings…I can just imagine Sauron’s musical number about covering the lands in darkness…cheeky, lovable gollum…elton john soundtrack…argh! ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/57 "2002-11-17T04:03:03Z")
**Walt Disney Presents The Catcher In The Rye** An animated movie with dogs playing the major roles. According to an item in Esquire Magazine’s “Dubious Achievement” awards from a dozen years back, Disney proposed such a project. No record, however, of J.D. Salinger’s reaction to the project. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/58 "2002-11-17T04:18:54Z")
A couple of short ones: **Disney’s Electra** , featuring Britney Spears’ hit remake of “My Heart Belongs to Daddy”. **Disney’s One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich** , starring Yakov Smirnov as a wisecracking bricklayer whose humor warms the hearts of an entire gulag! **Disney’s The Great Gatsby** , with Uncle Scrooge as Gatsby, Donald Duck as Tom and of course Daisy Duck as Daisy. ---
**Author:** ![zatoichi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3e96dc/32.png) [@zatoichi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zatoichi)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/59 "2002-11-17T05:50:58Z")
Disney presents the animated classic The Crying Game. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/60 "2002-11-17T08:18:13Z")
Disney’s Trainspotting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898.md?page=4)