# Disney Films We Just Don't Need To See **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 15, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898 "2002-11-15T18:39:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/61 "2002-11-17T14:28:41Z")
Disney’s War and Peace. Disney’s Lolita. Disney’s Collected Works of Proust. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/62 "2002-11-17T16:58:06Z")
Anastasia - The story of a Russian princess who GETS SHOT TO DEATH WITH THE REST OF HER FAMILY IN A BASEMENT. Wait, it wasn’t Disney but it seems to me there may be copywrite issues… (I’d like to see a Disney animated version of “The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon.” Perhaps the most distrubing book I’ve ever read - but one one the most beautifully written). ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/63 "2002-11-17T17:22:35Z")
Disney’s Fight club. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/64 "2002-11-17T17:43:29Z")
**Disney’s Boxing Helena.** ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/65 "2002-11-17T19:07:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > \*\*(I’d like to see a Disney animated version of “The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon.” Perhaps the most distrubing book I’ve ever read - but one one the most beautifully written). \*\* Starring Gilbert Gottfried as the Killdeer, Harvey Feirstein as Shed, and Angela Lansbury as Ida. The Bear Jamboree make a guest appearance as the Wisdom brothers, and Donny Osmond appears as Mormon leader William Merilee. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2002, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/66 "2002-11-17T20:06:56Z")
**Sampiro** , I just now saw your post at the bottom of Page 1! Sorry. Great minds evidently think alike. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/67 "2002-11-18T12:36:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Walt Disney’s Lord of the Rings…I can just imagine Sauron’s musical number about covering the lands in darkness…cheeky, lovable gollum…elton john soundtrack…argh! Disney reportedly tried to obtain the rights to **The Hobbit** back in the 1930s or 1940s. It would have been better than the Rankin-Bass (Rank and Base) monstrosity, but it would have been “Disneyfied”, I’m sure. I am a Disney fan, but I’m not sure if that would have been an improvement. ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/68 "2003-02-16T17:03:25Z")
Disney’s Finneagan’s Wake. ---
**Author:** ![TwungTister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TwungTister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwungTister)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/69 "2003-02-16T20:06:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by masonite \* > Walt Disney’s **The Diary of Anne Frank** - > > A heartwarming story about a girl who survives the concentration camps. And marries the hunchback. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/70 "2003-02-16T20:26:07Z")
Disney’s Requiem for a Dream ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/71 "2003-02-16T20:55:56Z")
I didn’t realize there was already a thread on this subject. Well, I’ll just move my stuff over here . . . \*\* Disney Presents: Upton Sinclaire’s The Jungle\*\* **The Main Character:** Jurgis, a young immigrant come to America to seek his fortune. **The Love Interest:** In the book Jurgis was married, but you need a romatic subplot, so here goes . . . Ona (who was Jurgis’ wife in the book) and her rich family have left Lithuania to live in America, Chicago. Rejected by Ona’s family because of his lack of money, he follows them to America. Unfortunately, becoming rich in America isn’t the easy task he was lead to believe and he soon finds himself working at the Sinclaire Slaughterhouse. **The Comic Relief:** Bertha, Bossy and Lulubelle, a trio of talking cows to stupid to realize the trouble they’re in, whom Jurgis must fight to save from slaughter. **The Villain(s):** Edgar Sinclaire, owner of the Sinclaire slaughterhouse, who forces his workers to operate in filthy unsafe conditions and his idiot son Roger, who has his eye on Ona. Edgar manages to talk Ona’s family into arranging for the two to be married. **The Villain’s Demise:** After a mad chase through the abandoned and burning - after a worker rebellion - slaughterhouse, Edgar goes tumbling down the meat processing chute and is chopped up by his own machinery. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/72 "2003-02-16T21:00:26Z")
**Disney’s The Raven** **The Main Character:** Edgar Allen Poe, a young writer from Boston who has moved to Baltimore, where he has secured a job as editor of a literaty journal, _The Southern Literary Messenger_. Of course, his dream is to be a writer, and he believes working as an editor will allow him to achieve this dream. Arriving in Baltimore, he moves in with his kindly widowed Aunt Maria and Cousin Virgina. **The Love Interest:** Aunt Maria employs a maid, Lenore Sturbridge, a bright and spirited young woman despite her troubled past. Her mother is dead. Her father, is a notorious thief sensationalized in the local press as “The Raven” and is serving a lengthy prison term. Though Maria’s husband, a policeman, died bringing The Raven to justice, Maria took pity on Lenore and regards her as a second daughter. Edgar takes an immediate interest in Lenore and the two soon fall in love. **The Comic Relief:** Edgar’s cute, hyperactive cousin Virginia, aged nine. Virginia is a Tomboyish motormouth who’s always getting into trouble. Virginia has an obsession with ghost stories and tales of the macabre that her mother deems, “Quite unbecoming a lady.” She is constantly pestering her Cousin Edgar (Or “Eddie Baby” as she precosiously insists on calling him.) to make his stories scarier, to put more monsters and blood in them. **The Villain(s):** Percival Sturbridge, A.K.A. The Raven and his henchman . . . err . . . bird, Nevermore, named for the only word he’ll dare speak in mixed company, though he’s quite talkative indeed when alone with the boss. Thanks to Nevermore’s spying, Percival learns of Edgar and Lenore’s romance. Vowing that he’d rather see his daughter dead than in the arms of the nephew of the man who put him in prison, he stages a daring escape and kidnaps Lenore. **The Villain’s Demise:** Edgar faces off against Percival in his hideout, and abandoned warehouse inhabited by hundreds of ravens. Having a special affinity with his namesakes Percival has the birds attacking Edgar, keeping him off guard even as he stalks closer, dagger in hand, to deliver the killing blow. By this time Nevermore has switched sides, having befriended young Virginia, and swoops in to save Edgar’s life. Percival strikes out at the traitor, seemingly killing him. Seeing this, the ravens turn on Percival, attacking him en mass. Edgar scoops up Nevermore and he and Lenore flee, the sound of Percival’s tortured screams chasing them out into the stormy night. Nevermore survives of course, nursed back to health by Virginia. Inspired by how he felt when he thought Lenore was dead, Edgar writes a poem, The Raven, that is a huge success. He’s finally realized his dream to be a famous writer by Virginia, still thinks his writing isn’t gory enough and says so, much to everyone’s amusement. Everyone laughs, fade to black, roll credits. So, anyone else here up to the challenge of “Disneyfying” the classics? \*\* ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/73 "2003-02-16T22:44:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > Disney presents Deep Throat! > Featuring the vocal talents of Ron Jeremy! [Something similar](http://harlanellison.com/iwrite/mostimp.htm) was suggested once. And rejected. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/74 "2003-02-16T22:56:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sampiro \* > \*\*DISNEY presents ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (Robin Williams supplies every voice but _Nurse Cratchit_, who is performed by Cher) [_italics_ added]. \*\* One Flew Over the Christmas Carol? ---
**Author:** ![SC\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/75 "2003-02-16T23:09:08Z")
How about **Disney’s Frank Herbert’s Dune.** The sandworms could have a little song. ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/76 "2003-02-16T23:13:49Z")
Disney presents : To Kill a mockingbird Need I say more? ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/77 "2003-02-16T23:22:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Flowerchild \* > \*\*Disney presents : To Kill a mockingbird > > Need I say more? \*\* Maybe you don’t need to say more, but I do. If the Disney of today made Old Yeller, he wouldn’t get rabies and wouldn’t need to be shot. By the same token, instead of Atticus Finch shooting a rabid dog, he brings home a puppy for his kids which he must later defend in court! As the old title no longer makes sense, the new film will be titled _Disney’s Scout and the Puppy_. Or maybe _Puppy in the Court_. _State vs. the Puppy_! ---
**Author:** ![pervertatoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@pervertatoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervertatoid)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/78 "2003-02-16T23:36:20Z")
Actually, here’s one that SHOULD be made…at least…I’d like it. Disney’s Se7en. Think about it…Seven Dwarfs…Seven Deadly Sins…coincidence? I think not. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/79 "2003-02-16T23:47:54Z")
Angry, Lusty, Greedy, Lazy, Hungry, Vainglory and Envy! And Kevin Spacey as the Wicked Witch! ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disney-films-we-just-dont-need-to-see/136898/80 "2003-02-17T02:06:45Z")
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