# Disposing Bodies For Fun and Profit
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [January 5, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777 "2003-01-05T15:31:43Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Bubba\_Ray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubba_Ray)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/1 "2003-01-05T15:31:43Z")
I am asking because I want to use it in a story I write, whats the best way to dispose a human body without traces left?
The ones that spring to my mind would be:
- Burning and then smashing all whats left over with a mallet, then scatter the ashes.
- Hack the body in handy little parts and then feed it to the fishes (or any other kind of meat devouring animals).
- I also heard that dissolving over time in drain cleaner would work almost traceless, is that workable or do I need stronger chemicals than that?
Other suggestions? They can be weird too as long as they are workable in some way.
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### Author:  [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/2 "2003-01-05T16:11:27Z")
Feed 'im to the pigs.
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### Author:  [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/3 "2003-01-05T17:03:53Z")
It takes a tremendous amount of heat, somewhere between 16k and 20k degrees to burn a body. Hard to get that in your back yard.
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### Author:  [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/4 "2003-01-05T17:04:59Z")
Rats…1600 and 2000 degrees.
My apologies.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/5 "2003-01-05T17:31:41Z")
Mail the body to:
Hanger 18
Area 51
Nevada, USA
Without a return address.
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### Author:  [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/6 "2003-01-05T17:43:14Z")
Bathtub full of quicklime always worked for me.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/7 "2003-01-05T17:50:20Z")
I tried that, Ekers, but the cat got into it and tracked it all over the damn house.
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### Author:  [@greenphan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greenphan)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/8 "2003-01-05T19:18:29Z")
Pigs. Definitely pigs. I’ve seen what pigs can do to a deer carcass and it ain’t pretty. All that remained were hooves, fur, and teeth. So, shave your victim, take off their fingernails, and remove their teeth then toss them to the little piggies. Shouldn’t be too tough to ready the body post-mortem.
BUT, i’m sure pigs devouring a human carcass would catch a farmer’s attention. So it would have to be either a cash-strapped farmer who wouldn’t mind disposing of the corpse for a little scratch or a friend who thinks it would be funny to see pigs eat a human. And a friend who helps you dispose of bodies is a true friend indeed. I think Randy Newman wrote a song about that.
–greenphan
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### Author:  [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/9 "2003-01-05T19:41:09Z")
Sneak into a graveyard and bury it underneath a freshly dug grave. After the next day, when the casket is interred and they pour in the cement, they’ll never find it.
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### Author:  [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/10 "2003-01-05T20:10:25Z")
I’d put the body in the cornerstone of a soon-to-be-erected building.
Or does that only work for singing frogs?
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### Author:  [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/11 "2003-01-05T20:20:01Z")
Call (501) 555-SDMB and ask for Mephisto. I understand he has connections in both construction and various aspects of metal working and manufacturing. Which means he could help you cut, grind, burn, melt, and/or ship almost anything you want.
Seriously, though, did you see the end of the second _Terminator_ movie? If you’ve got access to the right kind of facility, I think dropping pieces of organic material into molten metal would be a very cop-proof method of disposal. And if the authorities ever grew suspicious, what could they do? I imagine it would be very difficult to figure out what molten metal the bits and pieces were added to, figure out what batch of metal was formed into what I-beams, figure out where those I-beams were sent, then get a warrant to disassemble a building to test those I-beams for aforementioned bits and pieces. It could happen on _CSI: Miami_, but in real life . . . nah, I don’t think so. Can you imagine, though . . . wow, there’s a lot of story potential there . . .
_opens new document and begins typing next best-seller_
Or you could just go the Hannibal Lecter route. 😃
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### Author:  [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/12 "2003-01-05T20:58:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by interface2x \*
> \*\*After the next day, when the casket is interred and they pour in the cement, they’ll never find it. \*\*
Cement? In a grave? [Apu] Never before have I heard of such a thing. [/Apu]
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/13 "2003-01-05T21:04:44Z")
If your story takes place near a deep body of water, I would think a weighted corpse or corpse pieces could be sunk fairly easily. But the depth is the key, and beyond the continental shelf would be best.
Or a fishing trip. “Chum? Yeah, that my chum…”
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### Author:  [@Bubba\_Ray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubba_Ray)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/14 "2003-01-05T22:06:59Z")
Nice Ideas all, keep them comming, I have a big family to do some field testing before writing. The hogs are a nice idea but so overused in Hannibal, besides my protagonist dont keeps them and wants to have no other person to know.
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### Author:  [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/15 "2003-01-05T22:15:29Z")
I have two words for you, my sick yet brilliant friend.
[Lars Thorwald](http://www.homevideos.com/revclas/78b.htm)
😃
:eek:
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/16 "2003-01-05T23:04:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by interface2x \*
> \*\*they pour in the cement, they’ll never find it. \*\*
How do the vampires get out?
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### Author:  [@MisterThyristor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MisterThyristor)
#### Post date: [January 5, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/17 "2003-01-05T23:36:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Reeder \*
> \*\*It takes a tremendous amount of heat, somewhere between 1600 and 2000 degrees to burn a body. Hard to get that in your back yard. \*\*
(corrected per your second quote)
Actually, it’s not that hard to obtain at all. Hobbyist kilns for pottery hold about 8 cubic feet, cost about $1200 and fire to 2350 degrees F.
I’ve always wondered why no mystery writer that I have read has explored this possibility. Of course, explaining the smell of burning flesh would tend to limit it to somewhere out in the country.
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### Author:  [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/18 "2003-01-06T00:01:34Z")
Heck, out the the country, even burning flesh isn’t going to be that unremarkable. Anyone who has had a freezer go out a month after picking up a cow at the butcher shop will know that sometimes you have to burn a little meat.
Having burned 30 lbs. of meat on a fire, it really doesn’t smell that bad.
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### Author:  [@BadBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBaby)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/19 "2003-01-06T00:23:46Z")
Ooh, How to Get Away with Murder is my favorite game to play when caught in boring meetings.
I vaguely recall a local mortuary used a ceramics kiln for cremation when the proper doo-hickey didn’t work, a few years back. The papers never mentioned how big a kiln was required (I’m thinking it was the expensive walk-in kind because they were doing more than one body at a time) or the exact procedure used. Moisture content must have caused problems in acheiving a good firing since even slightly wet clay can explode like a bomb and blow out the fire/cause the kiln to shut down if you don’t do it just right. Even a really slow start with low temps would be problematic since people are so very juicy.
Now if the body were de-hydrated first, how would you deal with the smoke produced? You’d have to do it outdoors in a wood-fired kiln, I’m thinkin’… This method has other advantages since it’s cheap (think of it as an over-acheiver’s pit barbecue), easy to put together and take apart, etc.
What I’d do with the ashes and bone fragments I haven’t figured out yet. If I were bold I’d put them in an urn and refer to them as Grandpa if anybody asked.
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### Author:  [@BadBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBaby)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2003, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disposing-bodies-for-fun-and-profit/146777/20 "2003-01-06T00:29:22Z")
Ooh, How to Get Away with Murder is my favorite game to play when caught in boring meetings.
I vaguely recall a local mortuary used a ceramics kiln for cremation when the proper doo-hickey didn’t work, a few years back. The papers never mentioned how big a kiln was required (I’m thinking it was the expensive walk-in kind because they were doing more than one body at a time) or the exact procedure used. Moisture content must have caused problems in acheiving a good firing since even slightly wet clay can explode like a bomb and blow out the fire/cause the kiln to shut down if you don’t do it just right. Even a really slow start with low temps would be problematic since people are so very juicy.
Now if the body were de-hydrated first, how would you deal with the smoke produced? You’d have to do it outdoors in a wood-fired kiln, I’m thinkin’… This method has other advantages since it’s cheap (think of it as an over-acheiver’s pit barbecue), easy to put together and take apart, etc.
What I’d do with the ashes and bone fragments I haven’t figured out yet. If I were bold I’d put them in an urn and refer to them as Grandpa if anybody asked.
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