# Disturbing Church Marque Message **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895 "2004-05-06T18:38:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/1 "2004-05-06T18:38:05Z")
I saw this on the sign in front of a local church yesterday. I find it disturbing… or erotic, I’m not sure: _Your purpose is the pleasure of God_. Hope God isn’t into bukkake. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/2 "2004-05-06T18:59:17Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > _Your purpose is the pleasure of God_. > > Hope God isn’t into bukkake. [Eric Cartman] I get down on my knees to please you Jesus! [/Eric Cartman] I got Salvation all over my face! 😃 * * * I scream, you scream, we all blaspheme for Ice Cream! ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/3 "2004-05-06T19:12:46Z")
Hence the lesser-known 11th commandment: Thou shalt not scrape the Lord thine God with thine teeth. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/4 "2004-05-06T19:22:43Z")
Good thing I have been working on improving my skills for the last 12 years. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/5 "2004-05-06T19:26:55Z")
Nah, he’s definitely a necrophiliac, since you have to die before he’ll even talk to you. There are a few minor exceptions, such as prophets, who only smell like they’re dead. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/6 "2004-05-06T20:53:19Z")
Our Scripture verses for today: New Testament: [1 Corinthians 16:22](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=1COR+16:22&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on) (“Come, O Lord!”) Old Testament: [Psalms 34:8](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=PS+34:8&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on) (“Taste and see that the LORD is good”) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/7 "2004-05-06T20:59:40Z")
Please open your hymnals to today’s hymn: “Adeste Fideles.” ---
**Author:** ![St\_Ides](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@St\_Ides](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Ides)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/8 "2004-05-06T21:34:21Z")
I saw a good one a while ago. “Christ’s soldiers fight best on their knees” Too many perverted connotations for that one. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/9 "2004-05-07T00:29:04Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Our Scripture verses for today: > Old Testament: [Psalms 34:8](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=PS+34:8&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on) (“Taste and see that the LORD is good”) Darn you to heck, MEB!! I’m never again gonna be able to read that verse with a straight face, as long as I live! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/10 "2004-05-07T00:47:35Z")
Come we that love the Lord and let our joys be known. Oh Lamb of God I Come. This is my body. Whenever you eat it do this in rememberance of me. [sub]I just bought a one way ticket to hell for sure[/sib] ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/11 "2004-05-07T00:48:51Z")
Yea heathen surely I shalt smite thee and thy coding. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/12 "2004-05-07T01:03:51Z")
> [@](#): > > Your purpose is the pleasure of God. God is a top? ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/13 "2004-05-07T01:56:44Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Please open your hymnals to today’s hymn: “Adeste Fideles.” Nice one. I saw a church marquee a while back that said “This week’s sermon: WHO NEEDS LOVE?” _Damn right_, I said to myself. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/14 "2004-05-07T02:18:58Z")
I drove by again this evening and it seems I’d remembered the phrasing a little wrong, although the gist is the same. _You were planned for God’s pleasure_ It gets the same reaction from me. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/15 "2004-05-07T02:26:47Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > God is a top? But of course, what else COULD He be? ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/16 "2004-05-07T02:53:39Z")
You guys seen [this?](http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/index1.php) ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/17 "2004-05-07T04:56:39Z")
I’ve seen some creepy church signs, though not creepy in the same way. Try, after being lost in the dark woods for a half-hour, seeing a bright church sign that says SOME DAY YOU WILL WAKE UP DEAD ! (All the spaces were like that. I clearly remember that it said SOME DAY and not SOMEDAY.) On the other side, as I looked back in disbelief after passing the church (we’re still lost!), the sign says: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? As we turn around in another church parking lot, our headlights catch a hand-painted large sign that says: “Hooray! The tomb is empty! Come join us, we are alive!” And a couple of pictures, from a few months afterward - the same church: [BREAK ANY COMMANDMENTS TODAY?](http://www.rinni.iputthedotinthe.com/images/springbreak/feb23%20046.jpg) [THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH](http://www.rinni.iputthedotinthe.com/images/springbreak/feb23%20051.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/18 "2004-05-07T10:10:09Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Darn you to heck, MEB!! > > I’m never again gonna be able to read that verse with a straight face, as long as I live! Oh, right, like you were able to read that verse with a straight face before now. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/19 "2004-05-07T10:32:44Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Old Testament: [Psalms 34:8](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=PS+34:8&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on) (“Taste and see that the LORD is good”) **The 27th Evil** reported yesterday that the auto lube place in town had that verse on its marquee yesterday. The auto lube place is next to a sandwich shop and a McDonald’s. Robin ---
**Author:** ![the\_Lady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@the\_Lady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Lady)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895/20 "2004-05-07T13:42:40Z")
For a moment I thought you were talking about the church in my neighborhood. Normally it says cute and mildly funny stuff like “Free trip to heaven. Details inside” This week, the marquee proudly reads “If evolution really worked, why don’t mothers have more than two hands?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/disturbing-church-marque-message/243895.md?page=2)