# Divorce lawyers **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924 "2009-10-15T17:17:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DaddyTimesTwo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DaddyTimesTwo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaddyTimesTwo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/1 "2009-10-15T17:17:57Z")
Can anyone comment on the wisdom of a couple sharing an attorney for a divorce? One that, while not exactly hostile also isn’t very amicable? Is there an ethics question for the attorney? In a general case, how does one pay for a divorce when “tight” finances are an issue? No, this is not about me. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/2 "2009-10-15T17:53:33Z")
Wouldn’t that cause an immediate conflict of interest for the lawyer? ---
**Author:** ![DaddyTimesTwo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DaddyTimesTwo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaddyTimesTwo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/3 "2009-10-15T18:02:07Z")
Sounds like one to me. But, as has been displayed on these boards in the past, I am not a lawyer and don’t know squat about lawyering. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/4 "2009-10-15T18:02:17Z")
Under the Model Rules of Professional Conduct (a set of model rules put forth by the American bar Association and adopted in whole or in part in most states) a lawyer “shall not” represent both parties in an adverse proceeding. It is a conflict of interest which informed consent cannot overcome. [http://www.abanet.org/cpr/mrpc/rule\_1\_7.html](http://www.abanet.org/cpr/mrpc/rule_1_7.html) (the comments are also instructive, I suggest clicking the link) Particular rules may vary in your state. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/5 "2009-10-15T18:35:07Z")
In my opinion, as a non-lawyer, no matter how amicable the couple is, if they need one lawyer then they need a lawyer each. They could be lawyers working for the same firm, to make communication easier. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/6 "2009-10-15T20:14:16Z")
> [@DaddyTimesTwo](#): > > … > > In a general case, how does one pay for a divorce when “tight” finances are an issue? > > … Seems to me that if there’s not enough money to pay for an attorney, there’s not enough money to squabble over in the first place. It is, AFAIK, legally possible to divorce without involving attorneys at all, if the two parties are not fighting over who-gets-what, and if no kids/property are involved. ---
**Author:** ![Huerta88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/82dd89/32.png) [@Huerta88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Huerta88)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/7 "2009-10-15T20:16:36Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > It is, AFAIK, legally possible to divorce without involving attorneys at all, if the two parties are not fighting over who-gets-what, and if no kids/property are involved. This. Or, to consensually mediate, perhaps using an informed lawyer (jointly retained). No violation/conflict because you have avoided “retaining the lawyer to represent you in an adverse proceeding,” either by settling the finances/child custody etc. before ever filing the divorce petition, or by explicitly retaining the lawyer as a mediator and not an advocate. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/8 "2009-10-15T20:37:13Z")
My first wife and I got divorced using the same lawyer. It went smooth and I was satisfied. I guess she was too, because I never heard any bitchin’ from her about it. “Conflict of interest”? I suppose there was (or could have been) on the lawyer’s part. We could have gotten a lawyer apiece, fought for months and wound up owing two lawyers over a year’s wages. If you are agreed on the basics and can find a lawyer to handle it, one lawyer is a good way to go. Upon review, it may be that he called himself a mediator", as **Huerta88** suggests above. That was long ago and I don’t remember details at this point in time. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/9 "2009-10-15T20:43:32Z")
If a couple really and truly is amicable they can self-file. There are forms available from NoLo and LegalZoom type places. Beyond the cost of the kit there is a filing fee. My own divorce was not like that. I do have friends who did it that way. They did not have any children or own any property together, and there wasn’t any contention over how to split up the CD collection. The way they told it was that once they figured out that their furtures weren’t together they downloaded some forms, and took them out on the deck with a pitcher of margaritas. $300 later _boom_ divorced. ---
**Author:** ![kurilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ea5d25/32.png) [@kurilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kurilla)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/10 "2009-10-16T19:05:04Z")
They should also check with their county clerk’s offices. My county makes the forms available online, free, for DIY divorces. They offer step-by-step instructions on how to do it. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/11 "2009-10-16T19:57:45Z")
My first husband and I used the same attorney back in 1979. We sat down, wrote up exactly what we wanted put into the decree, asked for advice, made a few modifications, and that was that. We had a 2-year old, so had to deal with child custody and support. The lawyer insisted, however, that she could only represent one of us–so she was “my” lawyer. My husband came to all the conferences and she treated us equally, but on the record, she was my attorney. The only real problem in all of this was that the judge tried to get us to reconsider because we seemed to care so much for each other. (Well, we did. But we got hitched at 17 and we were 27 and the partner you want at 17 is often not the one you’d choose at 27. The toughest part of the divorce was dividing our LPs. We bought a couple bottles of wine, piled them all in the middle of the floor and took turns picking. Then we traded and cried a lot. Tough times. Good times.) ---
**Author:** ![Reloy3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c68b51/32.png) [@Reloy3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reloy3)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/12 "2009-10-16T21:26:20Z")
As a sometime divorce attorney, It would be an ethical problem. However, in my state, and others, a lawyer can: 1. serve as a joint adviser and document preparer. I often get clients who come in together, and have a very clear idea of the division of property, custody, visitation, etc. I simply advise them if their arrangement is legal and warn them of any holes or hdden pitfalls in their agreement. I never make an entry of appearance on either side. The couple files on their own, and both agree, in writing, that if they start disagreeing then I’m out of the pool and I represent neither party. This is expressly authorized by state law, and it is about 1/4 to 1/3 of all of my cases (though rarely in divorces with minor children). 2. represent one party and directly negotiate with the other party, often at the earliest initial meeting, which is often at the initial consultation. I make it clear that I represent only one side, and if push comes to shove (not literally), I’m one parties attorney. This happens when they are not disageeing about much, or I sense that the two parties are not a amicable as they initially say. It is a standard attorney-client relationship, but I tend to negotiate with both parties in the room. This is a little more rare. 3. Similarly, I start a divorce case normally, but the other party contacts me after service and before they enter an answer to the complaint. They usually say they have no objection, and simply want one or two little changes from my client’s proposal. I will then meet with the other side (with my client’s permission) and a stipulated divorce decree is usually done quickly. I would say this happens about 15% to 20% of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorce-lawyers/513924/13 "2009-10-18T19:58:52Z")
Huh…I have a similar question. We’re in California, and I just spoke to a divorce attorney who informed me that filing ourselves would cost us about $500 as opposed to about $3,500 if we retained her, and that if “we” retained her, it would really be me doing the retaining as far as her representation was concerned. My concern is that I know people who have filed on their own and have had paperwork kicked back numerous times due to minor errors they made. I want someone who knows what they’re doing to handle the paperwork for us. On top of that, while my wife and I won’t have any difficulty coming to an agreement that works for both of us, we own a house together that we’re unable to sell now, and the lawyer I consulted with told me that there are a number of issues with that which make our situation more complicated. The attorney raised all sorts of questions for me about the amount of money I’m currently contributing to the mortgage on the house, telling me that a judge would order me to pay far less in spousal support. So, now I don’t know if I should try to hire a paralegal, who could handle the paperwork but wouldn’t be allowed to give us legal advice, or if I should really try to save up and use a lawyer just so that we both understand all of our rights, even though there isn’t really any point of contention in the divorce, or if we should just suck it up, write up our own agreement and file on our own. I’m feeling a bit lost right now.