# Divorced Dopers, do you think about your ex?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 25, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849 "2003-01-25T12:16:58Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/1 "2003-01-25T12:16:58Z")
I don’t want any sniping about exe’s here, just asking how much, if ever do you think about your ex. I guess I should limit this to people w/o kids.
I was married 10 years, amicable divorce been 12 years since, and I virtually never think about her. The only time I do is if a song or a show comes on, and I generally reflect for a few seconds and forget about it. Not that I don’t have memories, but it’s ancient history. Like I say, if you have kids together, it’s different.
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### Author:  [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/2 "2003-01-25T12:24:19Z")
Yeah, I think about both of mine, even though I don’t have much contact with the first one. In fact, when I visited my parents for Thanksgiving, I answered the phone when he called. He’s in prison, and even though we don’t have much contact, he still keeps in touch with my mother. So he was calling her, and I answered the phone. Suffice it to say, it was a rather surreal experience.
My second one still has my stuff and still owes my grandmother money, so I talk to him via e-mail to remind him of these. And, last year, during the divorce hearing, I stayed with him at his place. Again, it was a surreal experience.
Robin
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### Author:  [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/3 "2003-01-25T12:40:12Z")
Thanks for the reply **MsRobyn**. I guess I am lucky in that respect. I have no ties at all to my ex or in-laws. Matter of fact, I have no idea of their status since we divorced.
Although I guess it’s good to maintain contact with those you had a relationship with. I had no reason to keep in contact with any in-laws, I ended up moving out of state and severed all contacts.
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### Author:  [@deborak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deborak)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/4 "2003-01-25T13:56:57Z")
Well, we weren’t actually married, but we easily qualified for common-law, so does that count?
Anyhow, we broke up, gosh, seven years ago now. I am still very close to his family, especially his mom - she remains both a friend and a second mom to me. I took his baby brother out for his 21st birthday, and went to his stepfather’s funeral. He is now married with a little boy, and I’ve played with his son while his mom babysits.
I think of him a lot when I’m around his mom, and occasionally when I’m not. Weirdest of all, I still have dreams about him, which always make me feel unsettled when I wake up.
His wife is still not cool with the fact that I’m (however tangentially) still in the picture, so it’s always strained when I actually see him, unfortunately. So we keep that part minimal, although it still happens at parties and such, and we’re just kind of nice and formal and polite when we do talk. If I’m with his mom, and he or his wife call, his mom won’t even mention that I’m there with her. Sometimes that makes me feel like some evil secret, although I know that’s not the intent.
I think just like kids, family connections keep the memories and emotions alive a little longer. My other exes have faded into obscurity except for the occasional wistful (or bitter 😃 ) memory, but quite frankly I was shocked at the beginning of this post to realize how long it had been since we broke up, since he’s kept so alive to me by my relationship with his mom and brother.
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### Author:  [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/5 "2003-01-25T14:04:25Z")
My relationship with my ex is similar to yours **Klaatu**. We had an “amicable” divorce about 15 years ago and I don’t think we’ve talked twice since then. It’s not a hateful thing, it’s just that we went our own separate ways and without kids, really didn’t have any reason to interact.
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### Author:  [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/6 "2003-01-25T14:44:16Z")
I haven’t spoken to my ex in years (not since she tried to get a credit card in my name) and that is just fine with me. I have no idea where she lives or what she is doing. I should know because my brother is married to her sister but I don’t ask and they don’t tell me.
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### Author:  [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/7 "2003-01-25T14:49:12Z")
I don’t have contact with my ex-in-laws at all.
I just don’t see the need to be nasty. They were part of my life, and to some extent still are, but any feelings aren’t there anymore. So it’s not bad, not good, it just _is_.
Robin
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### Author:  [@soulburnz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulburnz)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/8 "2003-01-25T15:09:30Z")
My ex is also in prison. He still writes me occasionally - asking for money :rolleyes: I still have alot of his stuff and I see it every day so it’s hard not to think about him sometimes. We were married for 7 years and have been divorced for 2. We always said we we would remain friends. I might have to cut the cord when he gets out though. I can’t deal with all of his drama. And, I am glad we never had kids ~ it would be very messy.
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### Author:  [@Washte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washte)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/9 "2003-01-25T16:08:46Z")
Divorced about 6 years ago - details upon request. My ex wrote to me for about 2 years after I left him, though I never wrote back.
Good riddance. _patooyie_
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### Author:  [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/10 "2003-01-25T16:15:06Z")
I feel very sorry for whatever man she is with now.
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### Author:  [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/11 "2003-01-25T16:24:01Z")
Divorced for 8 months now. Haven’t talked to him since before we divorced–he didn’t even bother to show up in court. I think about him maybe once a week, and the thought comes into my head and leaves about 2 seconds later. I sometimes dream about him. I’m still good friends with his sister and her partner but we don’t discuss him. Kept in touch with my in-laws after I moved out, but once the divorce was legal, we haven’t had contact. My ex SIL says the parents ask about me though.
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### Author:  [@Lyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyra)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/12 "2003-01-25T16:57:48Z")
Almost every day. We still talk and have remained very close friends. We were married July 97 and divorced March 2002, no children. (That was one of the problems, he doesn’t want any and I do. FTR he is 30 and I am 26.) I was with him last September (6 months after the divorce) when he was in the hospital. He didn’t want anyone else to stay. And I was there when his brother and his wife had their first child in December (9 months after the divorce). Sometimes I wonder how it will end up, because I can’t imagine my life without him and can’t imagine being married to him either. I don’t think another man would accept our relationship, so I’m sure the relationship will have to change course. Neither of us has really dated anyone else, so it has been a non-issue. We still have very strong feelings for each other, but marriage requires alot more than that.
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### Author:  [@Washte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washte)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/13 "2003-01-25T17:17:26Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by UncleBill \*
> I feel very sorry for whatever man she is with now.
Who was this directed at please?
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### Author:  [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/14 "2003-01-25T17:28:00Z")
We were married for 7 years (and dated/lived together for 6 years before that), and we’ve been divorced for almost a year. We’re slowly groping our way back toward friendship; we don’t have kids, but we’ve got sort of a “joint custody” arrangment with the two dogs we have, so we see each other or talk on the phone a fair amount. Just went out on a hike with the dogs yesterday, as a matter of fact. So yes. 🙂
Oh, and **Washte** : I think **UncleBill** was talking about his ex.
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### Author:  [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/15 "2003-01-25T17:30:32Z")
Bingo, **LindyHopper**. Nothing directed toward anyone here, of course.
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### Author:  [@Washte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washte)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/16 "2003-01-25T17:31:48Z")
Whew. I got a bit worked up there for a moment. Wonder if his ex found my ex? Seems we feel the same about them…
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### Author:  [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/17 "2003-01-25T17:43:20Z")
I think of my ex very rarely, the exception being when my mother feels the inexplicable urge to tell me things about him, such as the fact that he and his wife just had another baby (it was in the paper, apparently)
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### Author:  [@Washte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washte)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/18 "2003-01-25T17:50:46Z")
OOOH! That’s tough **Zette**. Do you give her ‘the look’?
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### Author:  [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/19 "2003-01-25T17:50:46Z")
My ex and I were married for two years, and divorced in 1996. I think about him occasionally, but I haven’t had any form of contact with him in about 3 years. My feelings towards him are much like **UncleBill’s**.
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### Author:  [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-dopers-do-you-think-about-your-ex/150849/20 "2003-01-25T18:29:22Z")
But, **JavaMaven1** , I never even KNEW the guy!
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