# Divorced or Thirtyfour ? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433 "2001-11-15T01:46:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/1 "2001-11-15T01:46:33Z")
What sounds worse? I am both so either way it sucks. I was married 15 yrs, now divorced and at the ripe ole’ age of 34 :eek: I don’t feel 34, but It’s a fact Jack-- I am _sigh_ Oh, and the fact that I have a 15 yr old son with a part time job that REALLY dates my age. I have not really dated , so wonder what will scare the guy off more?? ¤ 34 ¤ divorced ¤ mother to a 15 yr old I don’t wanna be alone forever-- and I miss “stuff” 😉 Just thought I would ask— I am bored—loads of free time, to much time to think. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/2 "2001-11-15T01:47:40Z")
Gimme 5. Almost 30, almost 2 divorces. Praise Me! ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/3 "2001-11-15T01:53:29Z")
My wife is both and I think she’s terrific. ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/4 "2001-11-15T01:57:44Z")
50 here…married 23 years…3 kids…in the process of a divorce… very much in love with **Debij** …🙂 your man will come. ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/5 "2001-11-15T02:00:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ~Sky~ \* > \*\* > > I have not really dated , so wonder what will scare the guy off more?? > ¤ 34 > ¤ divorced > ¤ mother to a 15 yr old > > \*\* As a single, never been married, childless, somewhat normal and looking for someone male of 33, I’ll jump in here. I’ll have to go with curtain number 3, since you’re making me choose. Age is a number, divorced is most of the people I know, and to be honest, children don’t scare me off. But out of the three, that’s the one most likely to make a guy think twice, or at least one and a half times. CC ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/6 "2001-11-15T02:00:55Z")
1. Divorced. Twice. Go find yourself a 27 year old. That made me feel lots better when I was 34 and divorced. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/7 "2001-11-15T02:04:31Z")
39 divorced no kids… and the biological clock is ticking. 😃 At least **rjk** didn’t run screaming when he found out the last one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/8 "2001-11-15T02:07:16Z")
Thanks for the responses---- I feel lost. Never did the dating thing (being 17 and stupid and all) Yeah, I figure the age of my son makes one do a double take. It feels so strange, like I am 22, since I missed being 22 in certain ways. Like it has been said before… This is not what I thought would happen in life. I hope to meet Mr. Right-------oh and soon 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/9 "2001-11-15T02:37:22Z")
**~Sky~** , I am 39, male, married, two children. I hate to generalise, but for me the most sexy age for a woman is between 33 and 40. Still beautiful, young heart, hopefully enough experience to be incredibly interesting. Divorced doesn’t scare me; children are wonderful, but a fifteen year old is a challenge for anyone. If he’s a good kid and can get along with an adult, and won’t bear resentment at someone who shows interest in you this shouldn’t be an insurmountable hurdle. So net, there will certainly be men out there who will find you quite desirable. If I may be so bold, you infer in your post that you’ve known only your ex before. Before your divorce you were always in a relationship. Many people feel that a relationship is the be all, end all, purpose of their existence. Regardless of whether this is actually true, my opinion is that a good relationship is most often found when one is not looking. Perhaps focus on finding some of the other things that life has to offer, there can be quite a bit. Become more involved in your son’s life and activities, as much so as is comfortable for him. Or go back to school, take up painting, join a drama company, something to give you meaning. This will make you more attractive to others. Happy, interesting people are attractive. Just going out and looking for someone will make you seem desperate. I’m sure that you are not, but that would be the appearance. Good luck, enjoy your new life! ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/10 "2001-11-15T03:24:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ShibbOleth \* > \*\*\*\*~Sky~\*\*, I am 39, male, married, two children. I hate to generalise, but for me the most sexy age for a woman is between 33 and 40. Still beautiful, young heart, hopefully enough experience to be incredibly interesting. Divorced doesn’t scare me; children are wonderful, but a fifteen year old is a challenge for anyone. If he’s a good kid and can get along with an adult, and won’t bear resentment at someone who shows interest in you this shouldn’t be an insurmountable hurdle. So net, there will certainly be men out there who will find you quite desirable. > > If I may be so bold, you infer in your post that you’ve known only your ex before. Before your divorce you were always in a relationship. Many people feel that a relationship is the be all, end all, purpose of their existence. Regardless of whether this is actually true, my opinion is that a good relationship is most often found when one is not looking. Perhaps focus on finding some of the other things that life has to offer, there can be quite a bit. Become more involved in your son’s life and activities, as much so as is comfortable for him. Or go back to school, take up painting, join a drama company, something to give you meaning. This will make you more attractive to others. Happy, interesting people are attractive. Just going out and looking for someone will make you seem desperate. I’m sure that you are not, but that would be the appearance. > > Good luck, enjoy your new life! \*\* Thank you, Yes you are right. I have been divorced for over a yr now. It took alot to get over my ex. I am now ~finally~ and I have went out a few times and enjoyed myself. I think that I have just gone thru so many layers, now I know I want to get back out there. My son is with his dad btw. I am fine on my own and have enjoyed it and learned alot, but I miss loving someone and would like a normal relationship. I do not need anyone to define me, but I am a person who likes taking care of a man, and I am not into sleeping around :eek: Thanks again for the response. ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/11 "2001-11-15T04:45:29Z")
Warning: Unsolicited advice dead ahead You didn’t really ask for this type of “advice”, but I thought I’d chime in. Take it or leave it as you choose. There is a book called _In the Meantime_ by Iyanla Vanzant that I think is great for anyone who is not sure what they are doing when it comes to their love life and relationships. If you read it with an open mind, I think you’ll love it. A friend recommended it to me when I got divorced. Here’s a link to it on Amazon that I hope works. > **[In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want: Vanzant, Iyanla:...](https://www.amazon.com/Meantime-Finding-Yourself-Love-Want/dp/0684848066)** > > In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want \[Vanzant, Iyanla\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want And as far as what will scare men the most? So long as you’re not looking to be serious with a 22 year old, you should be ok. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/12 "2001-11-15T05:03:12Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by ~Sky~ \* \*\* I was married 15 yrs, now divorced and at the ripe ole’ age of 34 . . . I have a 15 yr old son. What will scare the guy off more?? ¤ 34 ¤ divorced ¤ mother to a 15 yr old Um, Hi Sky! Would you like to go out to supper on Friday night? Or, I’m thinking having some friends over to cook supper together and watch Iron Chef, it would be great to have you over then. On Saturday morning, I usually hike my dog and I’d love to meet you (and your son) at the trailhead so we could hike together and get to talk (on the downhill portions :). I like to cook, so I could make a late breakfast or we could go out for lunch and watch the Cat/Griz football game. Sky, there are some of us guys who would consider you a great woman to ask out. Look at your pluses: 1. You are 34. At that age, you are probably not a vapid, self-absorbed, flighty person, You have well-thought opinions and you are mostly comfortable with yourself. And like ShibbOleth said, it’s a very sexy, sexy age. 2. You’re divorced. BFD. You were married for 15 years. You tried. Divorce happens. Better 15 years than 15 months. 3. You have a kid. So what? If your kid is a good person, it’s a positive reflection on you. And it’s better to have a 15 year-old than a 15 month old (and be divorced). Any guy that would be scared off by what you said, isn’t interested in YOU. And that’s all that matters, because you are yourself, your son and your history. I don’t wanna be alone forever-- and I miss “stuff” 😉 Aarrgghh. I hear you. My ex left me this past spring after three years. Where we lived, “wasn’t exciting enough” for her. I miss coming home and having someone to talk to, cooking together, etc. (as well as “stuff”) Just thought I would ask Think of yourself as a catch. And what are you doing friday night? Whistlepig ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/13 "2001-11-15T05:35:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ~Sky~ \* > \*\* > I have not really dated , so wonder what will scare the guy off more?? > ? 34 > ? divorced > ? mother to a 15 yr old > \*\* Speaking from experience, it’s #3. Anyone can be 34 and/or divorced. But kids are a relationship-killer. I’m not sure why, although in some cases it’s not hard to figure out. A woman with kids needs to be aware that many men don’t like having competition for her attention (and that includes the kids themselves, daughters too). I’ve known women who went so overboard on trying to make it clear that their kids “came first”, that the guy mentally said ‘well, then you don’t need me,’ and vamoosed. I’ve also known women who adopted an equally-bad “date me, date my kids” approach. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/14 "2001-11-15T06:58:42Z")
::shrug:: and some of us aren’t so shallow and we marry the people with kids because we can see what is truly important. And don’t tell me it is because I am a woman - I’ve known quite a few men who married women with children. ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/15 "2001-11-15T07:14:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*… kids are a relationship-killer… \*\* It ain’t necessarily so. I am a 37-year-old, divorced man who is engaged to a 44-year-old widowed woman with 2 teen-age kids. I have no children of my own from the first marriage. We’ve made sure to spend time on our own, of course, but we’ve also spent time becoming a family, which has meant a great deal of time with the kids, watching their basketball games and plays or taking them to baseball games or whatever. And helping with homework, although I’m not sure I’ve been that much help in math. Being an instant parent of teens is challenging at times, but I’ve also had a lot of fun with this, and believe I’m building some long-lasting, valuable relationships with my intended’s kids. If kids are a relationship killer, then that’s a guy (or gal) you’re probably better off not having a relationship with. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/16 "2001-11-15T07:30:24Z")
1. Going through a divorce that I don’t really want to be going through. I have absolutely no advice for you. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/17 "2001-11-15T07:40:20Z")
34? Women get better with age and 34 isn’t even close to old. Almost all of the women I find attractive are over 30. Divorced? I think half of us are or will be at some point. (Divorced once myself) Kids? Lola had two boys when we met. Now we’ve been together going on seven years and have two little girls as well. She gets better with every day that passes and I was actually looking forward to her turning 30. Hell, if I’m in my prime she should be too. 🙂 Lola and our children are the centre of my world. I wouldn’t rush into anything, I stayed single for quite awhile after my divorce and it made me a better person. You can learn a lot about yourself when you aren’t thinking of someone else. You have time. It’s a valuable gift. There’s a happy ending out there for you somewhere and it should probably include “stuff”. And I guess I should say welcome to the SDMB. This place has an amazing ability to reduce the amount of time you have on your hands and it’s great to help one work out the thoughts that fly about one’s head. PLus…you just got here and already you’ve been propositioned. Guys… form a line to the right will ya? ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/18 "2001-11-15T07:53:20Z")
Me: 34 Divorced No kids. Advice? Well, I’ll give you some, but bear in mind the coda it comes from a guy who calls himself “Weird” Dave. Be comfortable with who you are. Being alone is obviously not the best place to be, but until you are comfortable with being alone, MHO, you’re not healthy enough to be in a relationship. I see so many people who are so afraid of being alone that they jump at any potential “relationship” only to find a few years down the road that another divorce is looming, simply because they define themselves only as in a relationship for disaster. And then they do it again. Madness! I am not a fan of casual sex. One night stands are easy, anyone can get laid, pretty much any time they want, but what is the point? I have had two women propose casual, one night stand type sex to me in the past week, but I turned them down because I am currently looking into the posibility of an actual relationship. I am a big fan of fuck buddies for the “meanwhile” times. We’re all adults, we have sexual wants and needs. A good friend who is just that: A good friend, can be invaluable in meeting these needs with the understanding on both sides that when one partner meets someone they think of as more, the fuck buddy relationship will end. Lots of times fuck buddies find out they do want more, lots of times they don’t. Either way they are still your friend. Anyone who would not enter into a relationship with a single parent w/o realizing that the child MUST be the focus of your life is a selfish bastard and not worth dating anyway. There is nothing to say that with time the partner won’t become as much of a part of your life as the child, inden, he/she will, if things work out, but to deny the importance of the child at the outset is foolish and selfish. ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/19 "2001-11-15T12:34:16Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by whistlepig \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ~Sky~ \* > \*\* I was married 15 yrs, now divorced and at the ripe ole’ age of 34 . . . I have a 15 yr old son. What will scare the guy off more?? > ¤ 34 > ¤ divorced > ¤ mother to a 15 yr old > > Um, Hi Sky! Would you like to go out to supper on Friday night? Or, I’m thinking having some friends over to cook supper together and watch Iron Chef, it would be great to have you over then. > > On Saturday morning, I usually hike my dog and I’d love to meet you (and your son) at the trailhead so we could hike together and get to talk (on the downhill portions :). I like to cook, so I could make a late breakfast or we could go out for lunch and watch the Cat/Griz football game. > > Sky, there are some of us guys who would consider you a great woman to ask out. Look at your pluses: > > 1. You are 34. At that age, you are probably not a vapid, self-absorbed, flighty person, You have well-thought opinions and you are mostly comfortable with yourself. And like ShibbOleth said, it’s a very sexy, sexy age. > > 2. You’re divorced. BFD. You were married for 15 years. You tried. Divorce happens. Better 15 years than 15 months. > > 3. You have a kid. So what? If your kid is a good person, it’s a positive reflection on you. And it’s better to have a 15 year-old than a 15 month old (and be divorced). > > Any guy that would be scared off by what you said, isn’t interested in YOU. And that’s all that matters, because you are yourself, your son and your history. > > I don’t wanna be alone forever-- and I miss “stuff” 😉 > > Aarrgghh. I hear you. My ex left me this past spring after three years. Where we lived, “wasn’t exciting enough” for her. I miss coming home and having someone to talk to, cooking together, etc. (as well as “stuff”) > > Just thought I would ask > > Think of yourself as a catch. And what are you doing friday night? > > Whistlepig \*\* Thank You so much for your uplifting point of view. I guess I just feel like I enterd a time warp. Last time I dated was 1985, and boy alot has changed in my life. But I will try to remember your view. (divorce is a self esteem destroyer) Thank you for your offer on Friday night. I think I would not be there in time by looking at your profile, I am in Texas 😉 Your sweet 🙂 Take Care ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433/20 "2001-11-15T12:36:26Z")
Thanks Everyone for the responses, I feel Welcome here. Happy Posting and thanks for the insight. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-or-thirtyfour/93433.md?page=2)