# Divorced people: do you still love your ex(es)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817 "2012-11-12T20:17:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/21 "2012-11-12T22:47:12Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I still and always will love my ex but have no desire to see him again. The relationship was very bad for both of us. We’ve only seen each other in person once in the last 15 years. Pretty much where I’m at, not just with the ex-wife, but with an ex-fiancee as well. I refuse to see them in person, don’t want them active in my life, but I still love them in an abstract sense. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/22 "2012-11-12T22:47:25Z")
> [@Chicken\_Fingers](#): > > Woo hoo! I found a piece of pizza on my doorstep. Mine was upside down in the rain gutter. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/23 "2012-11-12T23:35:54Z")
1st marriage 20 years, been divorced now 22 years. Rough fist year but since we have remained close friends and still talk almost daily. 2nd marriage was 6 long years and I was over her before the door closed, I heard she died a few years ago and it had the same effect on me that a stranger would have had if she died. No hate, no love. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/24 "2012-11-13T00:18:31Z")
I’ve been married twice. I still have feelings for the first, though I believe she was cheating on me multiple times. I haven’t talked to her but once since we’ve divorced. My second wife, with who I have two young children, I have no feelings for any more. I have to deal with her at least once a week and when I see her there’s nothing there, she’s just another person. That to me is the strange part, never thought I’d fall out of love with someone, and not to the degree of not feeling anything. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/25 "2012-11-13T00:26:14Z")
I love my ex dearly, I’d take a bullet for the man. But, he is my ex for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/26 "2012-11-13T00:31:54Z")
I’ve been divorced for 32 years, I barely remember him. I don’t feel like I’m old enough to have been divorced for 32 years. Anyway ran into him at the polls a few elections ago and didn’t feel a thing except a little surprise at seeing him there. Somewhere in the marriage I stopped loving him, I don’t remember ever hating him, I just didn’t care anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/27 "2012-11-13T00:44:11Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Given that it was a rather painful 8 month long divorce process… > > I was about to say that it died in the first 4 bloody months of that process, but that would be wrong. It wouldn’t have hurt me so much and left such lasting injuries if I hadn’t still loved her. 8 months? Amateur. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/28 "2012-11-13T00:49:09Z")
Don’t know really I love both my exs but am not in love, more like you would love a sister or cousin. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/29 "2012-11-13T01:39:25Z")
Not divorced yet, just separated. I couldn’t have left if I still loved her. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/30 "2012-11-13T02:45:52Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Not divorced yet, just separated. I couldn’t have left if I still loved her. Some of us weren’t the ones that left. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/31 "2012-11-13T03:16:53Z")
Well, if I don’t give too much thought to it; I’m apathetic towards her. If I start to try and dissect our failed marriage; I f’n hate that bitch. Talking/text to her on the phone is a crap shoot. (We share kids so that has to happen.) Ironically, we never argue over visitation rights. I’m thankful for that. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/32 "2012-11-13T03:29:02Z")
I’m contemptuous, but indifferent. I suppose I hate her, but it’s a healthy kind of hate. Not to the point that I’d actually wish her any harm or actually do anything other than smile blandly if we were to run in to each other, but I have to admit that I get a small thrill of smug pleasure when I hear second- or third-hand what a purulent mess of festering shit she’s made out of her life since I left her. Mostly, I don’t think about her. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/33 "2012-11-13T03:57:09Z")
For the love of God, I just found 43 pieces of pizza on the back deck. I can’t touch it without getting hives, so could someone slap the teleport repair guy for me? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/34 "2012-11-13T04:50:37Z")
Still love her, always will. Can’t be around her, though. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/35 "2012-11-13T05:05:33Z")
I am amicable with my ex. We keep it friendly for our daughter. He’s been very nice to me on many occasions and I hope he feels the same. That aside, after what he did, I absolutely do not love him. If I never saw him again, I’d be ok with that. I think you meant to write female for the second murder option? I’m sure if he was murdered, I’d be among the suspects just because I’m an ex, but there’s no reason for it. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/36 "2012-11-13T05:21:25Z")
> [@ThisSpaceForRent](#): > > Yes and yes…one on each end of the extreme. > > tsfr Me too. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/37 "2012-11-13T05:27:12Z")
I do not love her. After an 11-year marriage and 3 kids, the (now ex-) wife just up and left, no explanation other than saying she was utterly and completely unhappy (a complete surprise to me, my family, and her family also), no wanting to work at restoring the relationship, NOTHING. I never played in the NFL but I know what a full-speed blind-side sack by Lawrence Taylor feels like! She Just Fucking Quit on me and the kids. She claims there wasn’t anyone else. I was devastated, very hurt, very angry. She dragged her feet with the divorce process; and silly me, I thought if I told her _Hey, either shit or get off the pot_, then stupidly I thought that meant I wanted our marriage to end in divorce. Therefore, it dragged on for **SIX AGONIZING YEARS** before the divorce was finalized. During those six years I reached a personal point of no return where, if she had miraculously seen the error of her ways (her parents’ words, not mine), there was no way I was going to take her back. Around that time, I also lost my love for her. Today, I am 10 years into wife version 2.0, and our love and relationship are so amazingly great that I never thought I’d end up this way, so loved, so lucky, so blessed. So, no, I do not love her. We are friendly, amicable, cordial. We still share the three kids. Sometimes I am so nice, I hate myself. ---
**Author:** ![Bartman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Bartman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bartman)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/38 "2012-11-13T05:33:44Z")
Not sure I really ever actually loved her. I’ve got friends I would donate a kidney to without a second thought. Even at the height of our marriage… I don’t think I would have done the same for her. I stayed in for 13 years out of inertia and strength of will. I liked her well enough, and for far too long, that was enough. Since then I have only very occasionally “hated” her. Mostly I am exasperated and annoyed. I wish her no ill will. I just couldn’t be responsible for her anymore. In fact I would love to see her healthy, happy, and successful. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/39 "2012-11-13T07:27:41Z")
My 1st husband and I had so much in common people said we could have been brother and sister. I took it for granted and wondered if there was something _more._ Turned out there was…well, different. Eveybody I’ve loved I’ve loved in a different way. If he needed a place to stay we’d take him in. (He doesn’t.) My current husband knew him and our child long before he met me. At this stage in our lives people do what they need to do to get by. No man left behind, you know? ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/40 "2012-11-13T08:08:57Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > I still love her but there is no, no, no, no way in Hell that I’d ever want to live with her again. Ditto [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817.md?page=3)