# Divorced people: do you still love your ex(es)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817 "2012-11-12T20:17:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/41 "2012-11-13T13:03:57Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > After an 11-year marriage and 3 kids, the (now ex-) wife just up and left, no explanation other than saying she was utterly and completely unhappy (a complete surprise to me, my family, and her family also), no wanting to work at restoring the relationship, NOTHING. This is exactly what my second wife did, told me one day she didn’t love me and was leaving. There was nothing to be done about it. Two kids and not even at 5 years. Surprised the hell out of everyone. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/42 "2012-11-13T13:09:30Z")
I love my ex wife slightly less than I’d love undergoing hemmorhoidectomy without sedation or anesthesia by a third year medschool student who was currently last in his class and battling Parkinsons, on live TV. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/43 "2012-11-13T16:11:30Z")
I have two. Although we were not married, they were both long-term relationships. Female: I have at least one ex-spouse whom I still love, but I am not IN love with him or her. (We do not have contact with each other. He was a good guy, and I still recall him fondly, but he was just not for me.) Female: I have at least one ex-spouse, and I do not love him or her at all. (This one could drop off the planet and I wouldn’t care.) ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/44 "2012-11-13T17:45:10Z")
I like my ex-wife, and I could see us remaining friends with some mild sexual tension if we hadn’t both gotten remarried. However, given the completely shitty way in which I initiated the divorce, she probably hates me, and justifiably so, imo. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/45 "2012-11-13T17:51:18Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I love my ex wife slightly less than I’d love undergoing hemmorhoidectomy without sedation or anesthesia by a third year medschool student who was currently last in his class and battling Parkinsons, on live TV. Come on, **kayaker** , don’t hold back. Tell us how you really feel. > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > This is exactly what my second wife did, told me one day she didn’t love me and was leaving. There was nothing to be done about it. Two kids and not even at 5 years. Surprised the hell out of everyone. Sorry to hear of that. A good friend of mine heard that these things happen, but until it happened to me she never believed they did. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/46 "2012-11-13T18:02:29Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > For the love of God, I just found 43 pieces of pizza on the back deck. I can’t touch it without getting hives, so could someone slap the teleport repair guy for me? On my way! Do I have to wear a repair-girl outfit? Or can I just eat the pizza and get rid of the problem that way? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/47 "2012-11-13T18:39:39Z")
If he had actually been the guy I fell in love with, then I’d still love him. Turns out that was just a mask, worn by a truly abysmal human being. So no, I don’t love him. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/48 "2012-11-13T19:30:53Z")
I get along fine with my ex-wife, we’re on friendly terms and cooperate closely in raising our daughter. I don’t love her anymore, though, and have no reason to. She’s a great Mom, but she isn’t very lovable anymore. We did love each other very much, but she had something of a midlife crisis and isn’t the same person anymore. It’s a shame. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/49 "2012-11-13T20:00:11Z")
My first wife divorced me for reasons I never understood and that she could never articulate. I was still in love with her, and was both devastated and miserable for a long time afterward. I can’t say I’m still in love with her- we haven’t lived together for nearly 20 years, I’ve remarried, and pretty much moved on. But every once in a while, it still hurts. There’s still some tiny part of me that thinks or feels we were meant to be together, even though I gave up any hope of that actually happening a looooong time ago. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/50 "2012-11-13T20:11:03Z")
Well, I’m just starting the process now, but there’s miles to go before I sleep. Love? No. Accept? Sure. We’re still in the same house, but for obvious reasons don’t hang out together anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Laggard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de053/32.png) [@Laggard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laggard)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/51 "2012-11-13T21:50:46Z")
For the hell she put me through I can only wish bad things for this person. Last I heard she was miserable. Good. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/52 "2012-11-13T21:58:34Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > … but she had something of a midlife crisis and isn’t the same person anymore. That’s my best guess as to what happened with my ex-wife. She turned 30, and that’s when she changed. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/53 "2012-11-13T22:08:32Z")
My ex-husband… I suppose it would be accurate to say that I still love him. I’m no longer IN love with him. Nor am I in contact with him. Nor do I want to be. It’s just too hard. We had a great dream together - we fell flat on our faces and it was a nasty mess in the long run - but we started out with such good intentions. We started out as friends. Maybe we should have just stayed friends. I think we’d have been better off. He was my best friend for such a long time; hardly a week goes by that I don’t read something or think of something I’d like to tell him, something I know he would find interesting or amusing. And it makes me very sad that he’s more or less dead to me now. A little piece of my heart will always belong to him, I think. I remarried a year after the divorce, to a guy who is far better suited to me. We have a lovely family together, and indeed, he IS family to me in a way that Husband #1 never was or wanted to be. This relationship has never had to endure the strain of two people with different ideologies trying to make a marriage work where a marriage shouldn’t have ever existed. So much less complicated. So much easier. And therefore, I find myself a much happier person than I ever was when I was married to the first guy. Much more fulfilled and content. And my ex is happier now, too. At least I believe he is. I hope he is. And if he’s happier now, as I am, then I guess the road we took to get here couldn’t be a bad one. ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2012, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/54 "2012-11-14T00:53:28Z")
First husband: Completely indifferent after 26 years since the divorce. Second husband: We’re still friends. I see him (and his lovely wife) occasionally. We’re well-suited to being friends. Third husband: May he rot in Hell for all eternity. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/55 "2012-11-14T02:02:29Z")
It’s taken a while, but I’ve moved from “God help me if he’s ever found murdered” to not really giving a damn about him either way. We wound up living in the same neighborhood so I see him out and about every once in a while. I’m not completely sure he recognizes me, I’m a lot thinner than I was when we split up and I look very different. I don’t bother to say anything to him. Hey, where did this pizza come from? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/56 "2012-11-14T14:51:50Z")
I’m a three-time loser. My first and I parted as friends and we are still that way. If I found out #2 or #3 had died, I would first dance, then make a pilgrimage to their grave so I could piss on it. ---
**Author:** ![Phila444](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba8739/32.png) [@Phila444](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phila444)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2012, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/57 "2012-11-15T23:03:46Z")
My ex-wife and I get along fine. She’s remarried and I could really care less. I have no interest in being married again at this time. We stayed together probably longer than we should have, but I guess part of that was not wanting to get divorced unless we were absolutely positive we no longer loved one another. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2012, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/58 "2012-11-16T08:49:32Z")
Don’t know about my ex but man I am _ **loving** _ this pizza! ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2012, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/59 "2012-11-16T17:50:04Z")
I’ll never stop loving my ex-wife. She’s the gentlest, sweetest person I’ve ever known in my life. The fact that she and I turned out to be incompatible spouses does not change that. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2012, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817/60 "2012-11-17T12:35:54Z")
Every day, I miss the guy I walked down the aisle with. The guy he turned into once we were married, though–ugh. Getting rid of him was the best decision I’ve ever made. The person I really miss, though, is who I was before I got married. I suppose I should be grateful for having learned some hard truths about who I am, but I can’t say I’m happier for that knowledge. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-people-do-you-still-love-your-ex-es/640817.md?page=4)