# Divorced = Single, right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871 "2013-08-22T14:28:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/41 "2013-08-22T21:18:45Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > More seriously, I always found “Sweetheart” to be charming and get the point across; I suppose “Live-in sweetheart” is even more specific if you need to be (or “long-term sweetheart”, too). I like Miss Manners’ suggestion: Enamorata. I once floored a woman I was dating when someone when ran into asked “Is this your girlfriend?” and I introduced her with “Actually, this is my favorite person on the entire planet.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/42 "2013-08-22T21:20:36Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Whore? Hah! I missed that. No, “wife”. Hah! I so never wanna go through a divorce ever again. And the best way to make sure that happens? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/43 "2013-08-22T21:27:13Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > I like Miss Manners’ suggestion: Enamorata. Have the T-shirt. > [@epbrown01](#): > > I once floored a woman I was dating when someone when ran into asked “Is this your girlfriend?” and I introduced her with “Actually, this is my favorite person on the entire planet.” May I use that? (I will anyway, so play along). It so works and is true. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/44 "2013-08-22T21:35:18Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > Well, there is also widowhood; Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce Ms Debbie Downer. . . (Standard drunk apology( ---
**Author:** ![tellyworth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@tellyworth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tellyworth)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/45 "2013-08-22T22:47:40Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > If you told me you were single, but had been divorced I would think that you are using the word single to actively avoid letting me know you had been divorced. What terms should someone use to distinguish between “divorced, not in a relationship” and “divorced with a new significant other”? If someone who has divorced and remarried calls themselves “married”, are they misleading you? ---
**Author:** ![skdo23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@skdo23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skdo23)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/46 "2013-08-22T23:08:08Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Not all of them do. Match does, OKCupid doesn’t. On OKcupid, you’re either Married, Single or Seeing someone. There used to also be an option for Available as well. On the one hand, you need to keep in mind that OKC is designed for more then just Single men and women looking to connect with other single women and men for a long term relationship. OTOH, it would be nice if there was a place to put it in, when I made my profile, I did my best to subtly drop in that I was divorced. I just mentioned somewhere that my daughter is with my ex-wife about half the time. That’s the only mention of divorce or my ex in my profile, but as long as you read my entire profile you’ll know I’m divorced. Also, on [Match.com](http://Match.com) the category for those not previously married (i.e., not divorced, separated, widow[ed/er]) is “Never Married” - perhaps to remove all doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/47 "2013-08-23T00:35:10Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce Ms Debbie Downer. . . > > (Standard drunk apology( Yeah, I’ve had a tough day. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/48 "2013-08-23T00:36:18Z")
> [@tellyworth](#): > > What terms should someone use to distinguish between “divorced, not in a relationship” and “divorced with a new significant other”? 1. Wanna go out sometime? Maybe get some sushi? 2. You would absolutely love Jennifer. She is crazy about that band too. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/49 "2013-08-23T00:37:21Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > Yeah, I’ve had a tough day. Me too, and that was a drunk post. We cool? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/50 "2013-08-23T03:34:35Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Wow. I’m 55. Anyone looking at me and hearing that I’m single is gonna _know_ I’ve been married. Shit, man! > > ETA: that _looks_ kinda conceited, but seriously? You (probably) ain’t got nothin’ on Kevin Spacey, and \*he’s \*never been married. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/51 "2013-08-23T05:19:56Z")
I used to be married, now I’m not and not in any kind of relationship either, so I’m single. Continuing to refer to yourself as “Divorced” years after the marriage is gone is to me just hanging onto the past. Either answer carries different sort of baggage to different people, who cares? I’m single dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/52 "2013-08-23T05:29:03Z")
How about “This is my reason for living”? I guess if you had children from a former marriage “divorced” makes more sense than “single”. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/53 "2013-08-23T10:16:32Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > You (probably) ain’t got nothin’ on Kevin Spacey, and \*he’s \*never been married. 😉 I didn’t know that Kevin Spacey was gay? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/54 "2013-08-23T11:33:10Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I didn’t know that Kevin Spacey was gay? 😉 “Women often think I’m gay and try to convert me. I let them.” --Kevin Spacey ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/55 "2013-08-23T12:53:13Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > “Women often think I’m gay and try to convert me. I let them.” --Kevin Spacey I thought Morgan Freeman said that? 😕 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/56 "2013-08-23T15:12:00Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > I like Miss Manners’ suggestion: Enamorata. > > I once floored a woman I was dating when someone when ran into asked “Is this your girlfriend?” and I introduced her with “Actually, this is my favorite person on the entire planet.” That is lovely. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/57 "2013-08-24T01:10:15Z")
Oh wow, forgot that I commented in this thread! > [@Icarus](#): > > Yes, but does it carry a negative significance for you? > > Once you get past a certain age, if someone is “single” you can just assume there is a high likelihood they were married at some point in the past. For me, if they were never married, I would find that to be points against. It just depends I guess. If you did indeed cover up your previous marriage by saying single over divorced I would want to know what’s up. But the word doesn’t have any inherent negative reaction from me > [@kayaker](#): > > Wow. I’m 55. Anyone looking at me and hearing that I’m single is gonna _know_ I’ve been married. Shit, man! > > ETA: that _looks_ kinda conceited, but seriously? You could just be unmarried. Even sexy people wait for a while. > [@tellyworth](#): > > What terms should someone use to distinguish between “divorced, not in a relationship” and “divorced with a new significant other”? > > If someone who has divorced and remarried calls themselves “married”, are they misleading you? Not at all. But I’m talking as the person in the bar or whatever who hears you say yes I’m single. If you’re divorced and then remarried then you’re just married to me. Really all I am saying is context. It doesn’t matter, but it’d be something that’d be nice to know ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/58 "2013-08-24T02:14:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Me too, and that was a drunk post. We cool? Hell yeah. The way my week went, if I were a drinker, I’d be joining you. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/59 "2013-08-24T03:11:41Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I always answer divorced but she couldn’t have kids and thank God because I’d be raising them. 🙂 Get’s a lot of other questions out of the way up front and infers that she was a undependable wench (which she was) without having to actually say it. That is seriously messed up. The question it gets out of the way is “do I want to continue to interact with this person in any way?” Please stop. I guarantee you that you are making people very uncomfortable by taking a simple question as an opportunity to rag on your ex and share private medical issues. If they follow with questions on whether you had kids, you can simply say “no.” > [@md2000](#): > > However, to my mind “divorced” is a subset of “single”. (assuming we are not talking about “divorced and remarried” as a form of “divorced”. I assume for you, this was in the context of “What is your current marital status?” this would be either: > > - married = not available, except for sleezy affairs > - in a relationship = ditto, but covers a lot more options > - separated = still married, but probably in process of being remedied as we speak > - single = available for relationships with no qualifiers. I agree that “divorced” is a subset of “single,” but your definitions of what the various descriptors mean show a VERY narrow-minded view of marriage and relationships. You also make a huge assumption about single people. Not all people who are married or in a relationship are monogamous. Single people who are not in a relationship should not be assumed to be “available.” As for me, I’m both single (not in a relationship) and divorced (formerly married). I default to describing myself as “single,” unless there is some relevant reason to state that I’m divorced, such as the ones already described in this thread. Continuing to define myself primarily as “divorced” just seems like I’m still defining myself by my relationship to my ex-husband or something. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2013, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871/60 "2013-08-24T05:36:52Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Yes, but does it carry a negative significance for you? > > Once you get past a certain age, if someone is “single” you can just assume there is a high likelihood they were married at some point in the past. For me, if they were never married, I would find that to be points against. Being told “divorced” does not; being told “single” when there is an ex-spouse does. It’s a lie by omission. Then again, here we even have the social status (not civil status) “divorced although never married”, which means there is an ex common-law-spouse; “divorced” and “single” are different civil statuses. It’s a matter of being precise. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-single-right/666871.md?page=4)