# Divorced vs. Single **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043 "2005-11-14T20:05:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/1 "2005-11-14T20:05:06Z")
Divorced seems to be something of a scarlet letter. Of couse, still being single in ones’s 40 can also be perceived that way. So are you ever “single” again after being divorced or should you perpetually go around announcing your resultant marital status? Advantages/Disadvantages? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/2 "2005-11-14T20:36:17Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Divorced seems to be something of a scarlet letter. Of couse, still being single in ones’s 40 can also be perceived that way. > > So are you ever “single” again after being divorced or should you perpetually go around announcing your resultant marital status? > > Advantages/Disadvantages? Some folks prefer the divorced to the single. And vice versa. You need to be a mind reader and decide which type YOU’LL like better. The type that prefers divorced or the type that doesn’t want “damaged goods.” The subject of children may make a difference. Will women prefer a man with children who is divorced or single? My guess is their initial reaction would be better if you said you’re divorced. Personally, two profiles seems like the answer. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/3 "2005-11-14T20:53:54Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Personally, two profiles seems like the answer. :dubious: I wasn’t thinking along those lines… 😃 :wally I was _married_. Now I’m _single_. How did I come to be single? I got _divorced_. I might have been _widowed_… but then I’d risk being _jailed_. ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/4 "2005-11-14T20:58:04Z")
Did you ever notice on questionnaires and such, that there are three choices?: Married, Single, and Divorced. That always pissed me off. Yeah, I’m divorced, but I don’t want to be reminded that I was married. I’ll usually pick Single, but then that seems like I’m lying because I didn’t pick Divorced. Now some have “Living in domestic partnership”, or something. Well, since I’m living with someone now, that’s the one I pick. Or maybe that one is for gay people who can’t get married. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/5 "2005-11-14T21:21:19Z")
I’ve never been married, but when I’m browsing personal ads I don’t make a distinction between “single” and “divorced.” I don’t consider men who are _separated_ to be single, but any reason for not being legally married anymore equals “single” to me. When you’re talking to someone new, I’d say that you’re single until it matters that you’ve been married (or until the marriage/ex comes up naturally in conversation). ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/6 "2005-11-14T21:22:53Z")
They should offer “unattached” as a choice. You can get to the gory details after the relationship has a chance to get a foothold. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/7 "2005-11-14T21:51:41Z")
This is a situation that irritates me. Well, it only did when I was doing the online dating thing. I agree that checking “divorced” put what I assumed was a stigma on me. When I created my profile, it had been 7 years since I’d been divorced, I didn’t have kids, nor did I have contact with my ex, who is thousands of miles away. In my own eyes I’m single. But I guess someone perusing profiles who rules me out because divorced means “she’s got kids, baggage and a chip on her shoulder” is probably not the guy for me anyway. Harrumph. ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/8 "2005-11-14T21:56:02Z")
I think it’s kinda of an age thing. When I was in my 20’s, I ruled out divorced guys 'cause I didn’t want the baggage. Now that I’m in my 30’s, it’s much harder to find guys who have never been married and I no longer worry about the difference as long as there aren’t kids involved. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/9 "2005-11-14T22:01:39Z")
I just call myself single, unless someone asks for clarification. When two single people meet, the conversation usually gets to “have you ever been married?” pretty quickly, as it leads to info about kids, past history, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/10 "2005-11-14T22:11:44Z")
If you’re divorced, you’re divorced, and all the semantics in the world aren’t going to change that. To me, “single” means never married; “divorced” means married in the past, but no longer attached. If I were perusing profiles and a divorced person represented themselves as single when divorced was an option, we would have an issue over it when I learned the whole truth. It might not be a deal-breaker, but it would be a concern for many reasons (kids, exes, alimony - just unexpected complications in general). There are other people in the world for whom divorced IS a deal-breaker (I’m thinking maybe devout religious people, etc.) I can’t really think of a good reason to represent yourself as single when you’re actually divorced that doesn’t involve trying to fool other people. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/11 "2005-11-14T22:40:58Z")
If someone told me that they were single, and later I found out that they had been married, but were divorced, I would feel that they had not been honest. Just one person’s HO. I just realized that when I write reports, the categories I use are: never married married separated divorced widowed ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/12 "2005-11-15T00:24:44Z")
I am only separated, but I would never again say that I am single. I suppose if you were married for eight weeks following a trip to Vegas when you were 22, you could say you were single. Otherwise you’re really being deceitful. There is a difference, one you’ve been in a legally-recognized cohabitation. It may make it easier for a man to find someone (housebroken) or harder (unable to be housebroken), but you’ve got to stick with what you are. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/13 "2005-11-15T00:34:28Z")
So should identical twins with neither not in a relationship choose “double?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/14 "2005-11-15T00:38:08Z")
on a somewhat related theme (but certainly with a much greater sense of loss): [twins vs. surviving triplets](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=325245) ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/15 "2005-11-15T00:45:57Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > If someone told me that they were single, and later I found out that they had been married, but were divorced, I would feel that they had not been honest. Just one person’s HO. Perhaps I should clarify my answer. If given a choice between categories to mark, I’d select divorced because that’s accurate. In casual conversation, however, the options (at least at middle-age) are understood to be single or unavailable. Single is used as a term to distinguish availability among an age group where a person, if single, is most likely to be divorced (never married and widowed much less often). I would never lie to be misleading. I’m personally more concerned about those who say they’re single when they’re in actuality married. That is a much more common deception. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/16 "2005-11-15T02:34:12Z")
But “divorced” conveys the message of “available” more accurately than “single” for someone who is, indeed, divorced. The “divorced” version of “available” is more accurate because it indicates that there may indeed be complications and conditions to the “available” status. “Available but with two non-custodial kids and $500 a month in alimony payments and a jealous ex” is a helluvalot different than “Available period.” I’m not saying one is better than the other, just that “divorced” conveys more pertinent information than “single.” ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/17 "2005-11-15T03:12:03Z")
I speak from my own experience, that of a divorced 50-year-old woman living in California. I would have responded much like you are, if I were 30. In the forties or fifties, divorced is the default condition for single. Specifying divorced in casual conversation usually implies more focus upon it than is generally tasteful. Actually, asking whether someone has kids gets more to the point, and is usually the next question after the response of single. Gah, 'nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![power\_sawyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/839c29/32.png) [@power\_sawyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/power_sawyer)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/18 "2005-11-15T03:51:25Z")
I was never divorced, but went straight to being single again. I found it insulting that web sites would want to distinguish status among single, divorced, widowed, and separated. And this was for stupid websites like news feeds that had absolutely no personal contact with you after sign up. I supposse they had foolish semi-children techies who never thought about what good the data would be once collected. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/19 "2005-11-15T04:00:33Z")
Another vote for “single” as opposed to “divorced”. I divorced nine years ago and am now single. Not trying to fool anyone, that’s just the facts. So someone who was married before and is now married again is also still divorced? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/20 "2005-11-15T04:24:48Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > “Available but with two non-custodial kids and $500 a month in alimony payments and a jealous ex” is a helluvalot different than “Available period.” You’re talking about baggage, not availability, and there _are_ divorced men out there with a hell of lot less baggage than some guys who have never been married. Even using your example, though, I’ll take “two non-custodial kids and $500 a month in alimony payments and a jealous ex” over “alcoholic mama’s boy whose last girlfriend was on the internet” (oh yes, he’s out there!). 😃 Everyone has issues, but the type of issues doesn’t make one person less single than the next. There’s no such thing as “available but…,” there’s only either available or not – in fact, I think OKCupid has “available” as one of its options. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043.md?page=2)