# Divorced vs. Single **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043 "2005-11-14T20:05:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/21 "2005-11-15T19:55:32Z")
If “divorced” is on a form, that’s what I check. In describing myself, I alternate between “single” and “divorced” – both seem accurate enough descriptions to me that I don’t sweat the difference. If I’m feeling a bit snide, I might use “born-again single”. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/22 "2005-11-16T00:21:31Z")
I give whichever answer is funnier at the time. I guess to be totally honest, I must answer “twice divorced, with a period of divorcedness in between and of course singleness beforehand.” But anyone who feels I’m trying to cover up or being dishonest by saying “single” is someone whose feelings I’m not too worried about. No kids, no alimony, and my exes out of the picture. If only they lived in Texas. Now\* that \* would be funny. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/23 "2005-11-16T00:28:24Z")
> [@jimpatro](#): > > Another vote for “single” as opposed to “divorced”. I divorced nine years ago and am now single. Not trying to fool anyone, that’s just the facts. > So someone who was married before and is now married again is also still divorced? :rolleyes: No, their status is “married” if they’re currently married. If they divorce the second person, then they simply become “divorced” again. In my opinion, once you are or have been married, your legitimate use of the term “single” has gone the way of the dodo. **Misnomer** , I agree with you that the type of issues doesn’t affect how available someone is, but it does (or rather, did) affect how attractive they were to me. When I was single (that is, never married), I wasn’t interested in dealing with the fallout from someone else’s failed marriage. I also wanted both of us to be going through the marriage process for the first time together. Did that make me prejudiced against divorced people? No. It was a preference, just like how people prefer certain heights and ages. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/24 "2005-11-16T00:46:53Z")
I’d say, if your ex is involved in some way with your life, then divorced is a more accurate description of your situation than single. If your ex is gone, never to be seen again, then divorced is a trivial distinction from single. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/25 "2005-11-16T00:57:47Z")
> [@bluethree](#): > > No kids, no alimony, and my exes out of the picture. If only they lived in Texas. Now that would be funny. Do you live in Tennessee? 😉 > [@featherlou](#): > > **Misnomer** , I agree with you that the type of issues doesn’t affect how available someone is, but it does (or rather, did) affect how attractive they were to me. Ok, but that’s not what you said in the post I replied to. Thanks for clarifying that it was the person’s availability _to you_ that changed depending on whether they were single or divorced. I never said that you were prejudiced against divorced people, and certainly hope that I didn’t manage to imply it: people prefer what they prefer, no worries. 🙂 > [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I’d say, if your ex is involved in some way with your life, then divorced is a more accurate description of your situation than single. If your ex is gone, never to be seen again, then divorced is a trivial distinction from single. Interesting! ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/26 "2005-11-16T01:51:46Z")
If someone I was dating told me he was single and I found out later on he was divorced, it would seem to me like he had been trying to hide his true status. Single implies to me “never married”. That doesn’t necessarily mean that singles are better than divorced people. I think many women would assume that a 40-something guy who had never married is afraid of commitment, so a divorced guy might get points for having proven he can go the distance. All other things being equal, I wouldn’t rule out a guy for being divorced, but I would definitely rule out a guy if I felt like he had been deceptive. “Baggage” from a divorce wouldn’t necessarily scare me away, but I would definitely want to know ahead of time what I was getting into. Divorced people and widowed people have different baggage than do I don’t think there is much stigma in being divorced once you get past age 35 or so. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/27 "2005-11-16T01:53:22Z")
Oops. I forgot to finish one of my final thoughts there. I meant to say something like, “Divorced people and widowed people have different baggage than do 40-something never-marrieds. Not necessarily worse, just different.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/28 "2005-11-16T15:28:13Z")
Thinking about it this morning, it occurs to me that the distinction between single and divorced might be somewhat of a cultural thing. Canadians have a lower divorce rate\* than Citizens of the U.S. do; it may be that we have a different outlook on calling yourself single vs. divorced. Or it might just be my personal quirk. I may start a poll to find out. \*Roughly, since the stats are not completely black-and-white on this (as usual), the Canadian divorce rate as of 2002 was around 37%, and the U.S. divorce rate was around 50-55%. If you wanted to argue with these rates, be my guest. This is sort of my best guess based the various stats. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/29 "2005-11-16T16:12:34Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Thinking about it this morning, it occurs to me that the distinction between single and divorced might be somewhat of a cultural thing. Canadians have a lower divorce rate\* than Citizens of the U.S. do; it may be that we have a different outlook on calling yourself single vs. divorced. Or it might just be my personal quirk. I may start a poll to find out. > > \*Roughly, since the stats are not completely black-and-white on this (as usual), the Canadian divorce rate as of 2002 was around 37%, and the U.S. divorce rate was around 50-55%. If you wanted to argue with these rates, be my guest. This is sort of my best guess based the various stats. Yeah, but I thought Canadians (Quebecers in particular) have a higher “shacking up” rate. Thus, less divorces. Just a thought. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/30 "2005-11-16T16:26:59Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I’d say, if your ex is involved in some way with your life, then divorced is a more accurate description of your situation than single. If your ex is gone, never to be seen again, then divorced is a trivial distinction from single. Actually, that distinction makes a lot of sense. > [@Quicksilver](#): > > Yeah, but I thought Canadians (Quebecers in particular) have a higher “shacking up” rate. Thus, less divorces. Just a thought. Of course, Canada’s having same-sex marriage might also affect the shacking-up rate. There’s one population who is no longer forced into sigleness… ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/31 "2005-11-16T16:30:15Z")
**brightpenny** , I think that distinction is important to make. When I did online dating, I did specify that I was divorced, because that is the honest, factually correct answer. But as **featherlou** implies, it does convey a sense of baggage. Since I did not have child support, alimony or any other issues, I don’t want that baggage associated with me. So when I’m in casual conversation with people (who I don’t intend to fall in love with) I say I’m single. It often comes out later on that I once was briefly married. So it depends on the context of conversation. And as much as I hate it, I think it’s important to be completely honest in an online profile. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/32 "2005-11-16T22:41:15Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Yeah, but I thought Canadians (Quebecers in particular) have a higher “shacking up” rate. Thus, less divorces. Just a thought. 🙂 Funnily enough, Quebec has the highest divorce rate in Canada. I’m not really sure what to make of that. **scout** , I can see your point. A (for example) brief marriage of less than a year when young and foolish with no associated baggage is certainly a different thing than my previous example of two kids, alimony, and an ex still in the picture. Maybe we need degrees of divorced - someone who has no connection or repercussions from their divorce at all could be a First Degree Divorce, up to someone who has full custody of the kids, huge alimony, and extensive, ongoing legal battles with the certifiable ex being a, say, Tenth Degree Divorce, with various grades between the two. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/33 "2005-11-17T01:00:36Z")
I understand your wanting to have the option of choosing with more information available **'lou** , if you were still in the choosing stage that is, but the immediate association of ‘divorce=baggage’ is a common one. It’d be great if we had intermediate descriptors, but we don’t, so I don’t think it’s dishonest choosing the term that’s a better fit. I am 35, was married for a whopping year over a decade ago. I _feel_ single, I don’t feel divorced, it seems like using that term to describe myself is giving far more significance to a short-term event that happened when I was 22 than it really deserves. Even my married friends seem to think the same, they refer to me as single and not divorced. I use divorced when filling in forms, and single in conversation. Guess I’ve been misrepresenting myself all this time. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043/34 "2005-11-17T13:26:20Z")
You’re not married right now, if you have no SO, you’re single. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/divorced-vs-single/331043.md?page=1)