# Do atheists pass their beliefs on to their children? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2005, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986 "2005-11-14T12:56:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/41 "2005-11-15T00:22:03Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > On the other hand, you can look at my family: my mother doesn’t believe in god, and my father has a certain half-assed spiritual side, but he absolutely loathes religion (more so as he’s gotten older). But they neglected to mention this to me until about five years after I became an atheist and had already absorbed my fair share of grief about it. Similar to my case. My parents are more or less how you describe yours. I don’t know how deliberate this was, but while they made it pretty clear they were not religious, my parents did not actually ‘come out’ as atheists/agnostics until my own atheism/agnosticism was well established. I think the worst thing I could do to disappoint or horrify my mother would be to get religion, any religion. I don’t know if I can be so restrained with my son. We live in a society where to say you don’t believe in god is equivalent to confessing to cannibalism. He is going to get some confusing mixed messages is all I can say. ---
**Author:** ![wonder9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c57346/32.png) [@wonder9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonder9)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/42 "2005-11-15T00:42:06Z")
No, they don’t. You can’t pass on a belief in atheism. It isn’t a belief, and it’s not based on faith. It just…is. My opinion of course, as an atheist with 2 children who seem to have grown up just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/43 "2005-11-15T00:52:51Z")
Neither of my parents are church-goers. I guess they’re atheists, I’ve never really asked. My parents never objected when my sister went to church with her friends. I’ve only ever gone to church service once. I vividly remember my mom having to explain the story of the crucifixion to me when we were touring a Catholic church. Pictures of the crucifixion used to disturb me, mostly because of the nudity and creepy violence. It took me a long time understand exactly what belief and religion really were, even though I grew up in one of the most ostentatiously religious state in America. I wouldn’t say that I’m an atheist. I’m definitely a-religious. It’s not that I do or don’t believe in a god; it’s just that I don’t care. It’s hard to explain, but somehow I don’t even have enough faith to muster up the conviction to deny that there’s a god. It’s just not an issue for me. I guess you could call that atheism. I consider religion to be a throwback from times when one’s survival might depend on faith in the supernatural, and it’s perfectly obvious to me that religion is the basis for a lot of bad behavior. I also think it can be a positive force, but personally I’m uncomfortable around deeply religious people. It’s just weird for me. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/44 "2005-11-15T01:07:33Z")
Atheist mom checking in here, we’re batting 500. I was raised strong Catholic, Mom was an ex-nun, uncle some arch-bishopy guy, Catholic school up to college. Husband was raised major Methodist, minister cousins, drinking frowned on, Catholics definately frowned on. We both ended up atheists, but didn’t want to impose our beliefs on the kiddies. We didn’t overtly try to make them atheists, just told them that lots of people believed lots of different things and whatever works for you is good for you as long as you don’t force others to believe what you do. (Does that sound as 60ish to you as it does to me?) They encountered many people from diverse backgrounds over the years. Singirl eventually hung with a nice group of girls who were all Methodists in grammar school, and wanted to go to church with them. We became friends with the girlies parents during this time period so no had problems with letting Singirl go to religeous services with them. The girlies parents alternated picking her up and dropping her off, so no problem for us. Eventually at the age of about 12 she wanted to get baptized and confirmed. Again, no problem, we attended the service and then went out for a celebratory breakfast. Fast forward, the girlies parental units started to get more and more evangelical, and Singirl followed them to another more conservative Christian church. But, when they all went to an even more conservative Christian church she drew the line and quit going to church with them (they’re all nut cases now IMHO, although we all still remain friends). Singirl eventually went to the Catholic U that my husband, I and our son all graduated from (don’t ask) :dubious: , and met a nice Catholic boy, converted (we attended that confirmation as well) and was married in a Cathedral for Chirst’s sake 🙂 . Love the son-in-law btw. 🆒 Sinboy, is an atheist. When he was in High School he got interested in religion, so decided to read the bible and the koran. He was accosted by some minor HS official and told that he couldn’t carry his bible (which he was reading like a novel) in the HS because it violated the separation of church and state :wally That did not go very far. So, long story short, these atheist parents wanted their kids to make choices for themselves. They did. Worked for us. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/45 "2005-11-15T01:08:51Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > There’s the guy who sued because he didn’t want his kids to say “under God” in the pledge. Is he trying to let his kids form their own beliefs by not wanted them to be indoctrinated by tradition, or is he trying to insert his personnal attitudes about religion onto them? If you’re curious about Michael Newdow himself: I’m not sure how you would separate Newdow’s personal views about religion from his opinions about religious tradition. But in his court filings, I think he said that the state was violating his rights as a parent by teaching his daughter (via the pledge) on a daily basis that her father was wrong about god and religion. > [@Martha](#): > > Similar to my case. My parents are more or less how you describe yours. > > I don’t know how deliberate this was, but while they made it pretty clear they were not religious, my parents did not actually ‘come out’ as atheists/agnostics until my own atheism/agnosticism was well established. I never really got a hint that they weren’t religious, or at least, less religious than normal. There was no need to discuss it. The middle brother told them he was an atheist a little while after I did, and the much-younger one may or may not have a position on the topic yet. He’s probably trying to figure out what he’s expected to think, and if so, he’s in a much different position than I was at his age, 10 years ago. I don’t know if I can be so restrained with my son. We live in a society where to say you don’t believe in god is equivalent to confessing to cannibalism. He is going to get some confusing mixed messages is all I can say. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/46 "2005-11-15T01:39:51Z")
> [@](#): > > I was raised strong Catholic, Mom was an ex-nun There.is.another.person.out.there.whose.mom.was.an.ex-nun? Huh. I am not alone. Sinjin, are you my evil twin or something? Wooooooooo! I’m an Escaped Catholic finding myself settling nicely into a Agnostic-Zen Like New Agey time period of life of " Be Nice and Do Not Fling Poo." phase. I think I could go the distance with this at this stage of the comedy that is life. I am trying to raise my children to understand that some guy named Jesus probably lived all those years ago and had some great ideas of just Being Nice To Others et all…but the rest of the stuff about rising from the dead is just folk tales that are widely accepted. (The main part of the bible was written a hundred or so years after his death…yeah…there is no discrepancies there. No sirree.) And it is ok for others to beleive in it, but try to explain that religion doesn’t really encourage independant thought and is about money, power and control. (That last part I don’t tell them, in fear of the unfettered lips that kids have with others.) I just hope that common sense prevails with the kidlets. If they go over to the Other Side, ( like the loons that my SIL embraces cause she is the Big Fish at that very little freaky pond.) I will have to do either an intervention or move to Key West and start drinking. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/47 "2005-11-15T01:55:06Z")
My SO’s mom is an ex-nun as well. I hear she was a bit of a troublemaker in her nun days. Heh. You are not alone, indeed. I was raised pretty much non-religious and while I’ve experimented with it (so to speak) I keep coming back to agnostic/sorta pantheist with paganish leanings, which means I don’t do squat about religion aside from going to the occasional public ritual or something. Works for me. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/48 "2005-11-15T01:57:20Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > There.is.another.person.out.there.whose.mom.was.an.ex-nun? I thought I had the Catholic thing locked until I met a girl at a wedding that trumped my mom=ex-nun with a mom ex-nun \*and \* a dad ex-priest. :eek: She actually seemed semi-normal. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/49 "2005-11-15T02:05:06Z")
Oh, and Shirley, I think I may be your evil twin. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/50 "2005-11-15T02:58:32Z")
> [@ProTem](#): > > My parents had no interest in churches or passing on beliefs. Are you saying that they made no attempt to pass on their beliefs regarding what’s right and what’s wrong? Great googly moogly. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/51 "2005-11-15T03:22:24Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Are you saying that they made no attempt to pass on their beliefs regarding what’s right and what’s wrong? > > Great googly moogly. Are we talking about beliefs about right and wrong, or just atheism? ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/52 "2005-11-15T04:16:54Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > On the other hand, I do want them to be educated about religion, especially Christianity (not because I think Christianity is better or more special but because it’s such a culturally important institution in the US). I want to make sure that that Christianity is demystified to them and made as ordinary and boring as possible to prevent it from having any ironic allure simply because they’ve never been exposed to it which might make them vulnerable as adults to any of the more predatory and abusive evangelical religious subcultural movements which exist out there. > > I was concerned about my kids being raised Christian at first. My wife had to talk me into it. I finally came to the conclusion that almost all atheists, agnostics and assorted “free thinkers” I’ve ever met had some sort of religious upbringing. I went to Catholic schools myself. Being raised in a faith tradition does not mean that my kids will be doomed to be uncritical, mindless fanatics. Especially if they have a father who will model a bit of respectful skepticism. This is a really good point that I hadn’t thought of. I often admire your empirical skepticism and the level-headed way you look at life, and, not to suck too hard here or anything, but this makes a lot of sense. I feel a lot better about dating that Christian girl now. Which is good because I just got another date… ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/53 "2005-11-15T05:07:04Z")
**My thanks** to all who have contributed. Some very interesting stuff here that is very thought provoking for me. It’s nice to hear people saying they will just be straight shooters with their kids and let them make up their own minds. I respect those who want to teach their kids to think for themselves. It always disappoints me when I encounter parents who want to control their kids even into adulthood. Some responses. > [@](#): > > \*\*CC \*\*I am defining atheism as a disbelief in a deity. Not a belief that there is no deity. This is why I find it hard to think about passing on a lack of something. And why the structure of the thread is a little disconcerting. soft or weak atheism is pretty much like agnosticism. It is a lack of belief rather than a a belief. As you can see from some of the responses there is also strong atheism which is indeed a belief that there is no deity and some parents do try to pass that belief on. > [@](#): > > \*\* > Cliffy \*\* Of course I will pass on my religious beliefs to my children, same as everyone does. And, as much as it pains me to admit it, I won’t be cool with them finding god, because I think it will cause them terrible problems and misfortune, like [I think] it does everybody who believes. But I won’t disown them or anything. Interesting. That’s a pretty broad statement. Belief in God causes _everybody_ terrible problems? You do realize that a huge percentage of Americans are believers? There’s a bunch that don’t have terrible problems. > [@](#): > > \*\*wonder9 \*\* No, they don’t. You can’t pass on a belief in atheism. It isn’t a belief, and it’s not based on faith. It just…is. My opinion of course, as an atheist with 2 children who seem to have grown up just fine. If you read the other posts you’ll see you’re mistaken. Some atheists obviously take an active role in influencing their kids to believe as they do. Glad your kids are doing fine. > [@](#): > > **sinjin** > Sinboy, is an atheist. When he was in High School he got interested in religion, so decided to read the bible and the koran. He was accosted by some minor HS official and told that he couldn’t carry his bible (which he was reading like a novel) in the HS because it violated the separation of church and state That did not go very far. That kind of over reaction bothers me. How did Sinboy respond? > [@](#): > > \*\*Marley23 \*\* > > If you’re curious about Michael Newdow himself: I’m not sure how you would separate Newdow’s personal views about religion from his opinions about religious tradition. But in his court filings, I think he said that the state was violating his rights as a parent by teaching his daughter (via the pledge) on a daily basis that her father was wrong about god and religion. If that’s his objection he’s just wrong. All they are teaching is that some have a different opinion. He also tried to sue to prohibit Bush from swearing in in the Bible claiming that it forced a religious belief on him. Wrong again Michael. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/54 "2005-11-15T05:30:04Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > If that’s his objection he’s just wrong. All they are teaching is that some have a different opinion. The pledge says America is “one nation under god.” It’s not offered as an opinion, and it comes from a state authority figure. It isn’t and shouldn’t be the basis for his court case, but strictly speaking I don’t think he’s wrong. ---
**Author:** ![hildea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ebca7d/32.png) [@hildea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hildea)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/55 "2005-11-15T07:16:25Z")
Another strong atheist parent checking in. Personally, I do _not_ find it important that my children share my beliefs about the non-existence of gods. I’ve unashamedly and blatantly done my very best to indoctrinate them in my views about racism, gender discrimination, and discrimination against gays. On those subjects, I’ve no qualms about presenting my view as the correct one, and opposing views as ignorant or worse. But on the topic of religion, what I’ve told my children is basicly “Different people believe different things about the existence of gods and life after death. It’s impossible to _know_ the answer. Personally, I believe…” I’ve told them about different religions, and since they learn about religion in school, with strong emphasis on Christianity, I’ll occasionally dig out the bible and discuss something they’ve learnt. (I found that the story about how God treated the Egyptians when Moses & co wanted to leave was even worse than I remembered.) When the school organized a trip to a church (and this wasn’t just a “lets look at the interesting buildig” kind of trip, there was a sermon and stuff) I let my children choose whether to go or not. One went, one didn’t. Fine by me. I’m sure that I’m influencing them a lot, but I try to get across the idea that reasonable people may disagree on this topic. (I treat the Iraq war in a similar way.) ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/56 "2005-11-15T08:29:44Z")
I grew up in a secular Jewish household. My mother’s father was an atheist (I think) - he did not mind that one daughter married a Catholic. In the 1930’s, this was quite radical. My father’s mother was religious, but he wasn’t. I got sent to Hebrew School, but mostly so I could have a big bar mitzvah, for social reasons. No problems when I married a Christian (a deist at best.) Her father is an atheist, and we got married at the Ethical Culture Society, with no mention of any god. I think atheist parents have it easy. All I did was to teach my kids how to think logically. We went over Genesis when they were old enough, and I helped them find the numerous contradictions and absurdities in it. They both went to religious activities with friends, because I figured that objecting would only make them rebel, and because I trusted their good sense and logic. I was right. I don’t know if my younger daughter ever told her Mormon friends that she did not believe in God, but exposure to their families was plenty of innoculation. (Very nice people, but strange in many ways.) I think growing up in a household where gods just didn’t matter, and being quite happy, helped also. One is out of college, one is just in college, and they seem safely immune from religion. ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/57 "2005-11-15T10:23:19Z")
If what some of you atheist/agnostic parents have done has worked, then I’m on the right track. I’ve also used the ‘different people believe different things, but no one really knows the full story. I believe…’ ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/58 "2005-11-15T11:01:34Z")
My kid is due to be born some time around the 17th January. Her mother and I get along but aren’t really a couple any more so we won’t be around to give lectures together on anything to the kid. Her Mum is more spiritual than religious and I’m just plain atheistic. I guess I’d be happy if our kid just didn’t end up with any real hang ups on account of religion. It’ll be hard enough for her to avoid it here in Northern Ireland, but on the plus side her two sisters have grown up in a reasonably bigoted part of the country and are quite “normal” in every respect really. Of course, if my kid grew up to be as atheistic as I, I would be quite pleased 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/59 "2005-11-15T11:03:23Z")
I come from a non-religious household—2nd or 3rd generation, actually. It never really was an issue, though my parents always said they’d have no problems if I or my sister wanted to learn more about a religion, or go to a church, or whatnot. Whatever we felt comfortable with or made us happy, they’d be fine with. I’ve pretty much been an atheist or agnostic my entire life. But when my sister was about…15, or so, she wanted to go to a Bible Camp with a friend of hers, which she did, and she ended up converting on the trip. (To your basic generic American protestantism.) Me and my parents were, privately, a bit wary about it (I’m not saying we’re _anti_ -christianity, but…we’re not fans.), but agreed it wouldn’t be right (or particularly wise) to try and stifle my sis’ interest. Besides, these weren’t psycho-extremist christians, and my sister has a fairly good head on her shoulders, so we weren’t that worried. (I think I said “they’ve only got her on Sundays; we’ve still got her six days of the week,” at some point.) So, she started attending church, but everything else went along “business as usual.” My sister’s enthusiasm for religion has cooled, somewhat, over the years, (Some of behavior the staff and families involved with that church have been…less than impressive.) and she no longer attends a church. I don’t really know her current religious views, but whatever she does or doesn’t want to follow, we all trust her judgement. It’s just not a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986/60 "2005-11-15T12:54:47Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Are we talking about beliefs about right and wrong, or just atheism? Right and wrong. Like it or not, religious (and a-religious) beliefs will have an impact on one’s views of right and wrong. Besides, **Pro Tem** said that his/her parents had no interest in passing on beliefs (as opposed to, say, the singular belief that there’s no god). Perhaps this was just odd wording, but if not, it seems like a remarkably unusual stance for parents to take. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-atheists-pass-their-beliefs-on-to-their-children/330986.md?page=4)