# Do few black women fall in love with non-black men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 20, 2003, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810 "2003-04-20T06:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/41 "2003-04-23T14:17:50Z")
> [@](#): > > you with the face, when were you at Tech? I was at Spelman from _cough_ 1988-1992 (jeez, am I that old?). **you with the face** was at Tech when I was there, from '95 to '99. So yes, you’re old. 🙂 But we both attended Spelman’s nursery school (we both lived in the neighborhood). They used to beat us with wooden spoons, so that’s why we didn’t go there for college. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/42 "2003-04-23T14:25:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monstro \* > \*\*But we both attended Spelman’s nursery school (we both lived in the neighborhood). They used to beat us with wooden spoons, so that’s why we didn’t go there for college. \*\* Spelman had a nursery school? And wooden spoons? Gee, I’d have preferred that to the freshman curfew . . . . ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/43 "2003-04-23T14:47:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\*So? There are black people in Cuba. You know this, right? FTR, I’m black and have dated outside of my race. Why limit myself? I figure 98% of males are wastes of skin (whuh? I’m not bitter at all ;)), so why further limit my chances of finding that other 2% by putting race restrictions on who I date? Pfft. \*\* Earlier in the thread it was mentioned that the media tends to put forward black women who are multi-racial, or who are lighter skinned with “whiter” features. To me, someone who identifies as Latina falls into that category. And as I said before, I don’t think I limit(ed) myself, I was limited. Not having restrictions on dating other races does not do a damn bit of good if they have restrictions on dating you. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/44 "2003-04-23T15:02:00Z")
I went to law school at an HBU\*, and always hoped I’d hook up with a cute black chick…didn’t happen. In retrospect, if I wanted that to happen I probably should have gone to a plain old whitebread university…I don’t guess black girls go to an HBU because they want to meet white guys. \*Historically Black University ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/45 "2003-04-23T15:05:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pravnik \* > \*_I went to law school at an HBU_, and always hoped I’d hook up with a cute black chick…didn’t happen. In retrospect, if I wanted that to happen I probably should have gone to a plain old whitebread university…I don’t guess black girls go to an HBU because they want to meet white guys. > \*Historically Black University \*\* My mother says she sent _me_ to one so that I could find a handsome young Black (future) doctor or lawyer. Instead I got a White tech boy. So I’d say there’s hope for you.😉 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/46 "2003-04-23T15:54:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by amarinth \* > \*\*Earlier in the thread it was mentioned that the media tends to put forward black women who are multi-racial, or who are lighter skinned with “whiter” features. To me, someone who identifies as Latina falls into that category. > > And as I said before, I don’t think I limit(ed) myself, I was limited. Not having restrictions on dating other races does not do a damn bit of good if they have restrictions on dating you. \*\* That’s fabulous and I understand that the media favors lighter skinned and/or multi-racial black women. I haven’t been completely cut off from all society (unfortunately). I’m just saying that her being Cuban doesn’t stop her from being or _looking_ black. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Cuba or any part of Latin America, but if/when you go, I’ll bet you $10 you’ll see people who are just as black as you and I. In case you care, my family’s from Costa Rica and we’re just as black as can be. Nobody can tell we’re Costa Rican by looking at us, primarily b/c we don’t walk around with signs that read “BLACK COSTA RICAN.” They just see black faces which is what I saw when I looked at Gina Torres. Anywho, when I was talking about limited dating, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about myself. I understand that it doesn’t matter if you like someone if that someone doesn’t like you back. Meh. That a general comment was in response to the OP and a bunch of other posts. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/47 "2003-04-23T15:55:58Z")
Err, that _was_ a general comment… ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/48 "2003-04-23T21:30:25Z")
by **MeanOldLady** > [@](#): > > I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Cuba or any part of Latin America, but if/when you go, I’ll bet you $10 you’ll see people who are just as black as you and I. The above is quite true. But the fact that she is Cuban is not completely irrevelant when it comes to American race relations and the way people perceive each other. I’m a lurker on another message board where the issue of “looking black but not calling yourself black” was being (heatedly) discussed. The subject of what to do with the latinos was brought up. The ancesteral mix of many latinos looks a lot like the motley heritage of American blacks, yet latinos are placed in another racial category because of their ethnicity. Take a look at Puerto Ricans, many of whom look like regular run-of-the-mill black folks. We lump all these people–regardless of appearance–into the Latino race. It’s stupid, because there’s not much except language that seperates ancesterally American blacks from “black” Puerto Ricans. Yet we will say “she’s not black, she’s Latino” as if something meaningful is being said. So yes it’s possible to be black and Cuban, but in America, being Cuban will put you in the Latino camp before it puts you in the black one. This is just one of many things that makes race so retarded. by **Lamia** : > [@](#): > > A dear and lovely friend of mine is a light-skinned African-American woman, and according to her most white men are unwilling to date black women. She gets hit on all the time when she goes out, but white guys tend to back off when they realize she’s not a Latina (which is what you’d guess to look at her). This anecdote confirms one of my own observations that what we call ourselves (black, white, Latino, etc) goes a long way with how we are perceived by the mainstream. If the dating success of Lamia’s friend improves just by pretending she’s Latino that means that something more sinister than aesthetics are at work. Gina Torres looks like a black woman, but perhaps she will not be treated as one because of her ethnicity. Just something to think about. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/49 "2003-04-23T21:51:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by you with the face \* > \*\* > This anecdote confirms one of my own observations that what we call ourselves (black, white, Latino, etc) goes a long way with how we are perceived by the mainstream. If the dating success of Lamia’s friend improves just by pretending she’s Latino that means that something more sinister than aesthetics are at work. > \*\* To clarify, my friend doesn’t _pretend_ to be a Latina. She looks like a Latina (despite her total lack of Latin American ancestry), but she’s always quite up front about being a light-skinned African-American. Quite a few guys suddenly lose interest once she mentions this fact, but she learned the hard way that being forthcoming is the best policy – she had a boyfriend in school who broke up with her after he saw her parents. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/50 "2003-04-23T22:46:37Z")
**you with the face** - love the name, btw - fair enough. Quasi hi-jack ahead: What _kills_ me is when I tell people I’m Costa Rican and people react stangely. Some don’t think much of it, while others say retarded stuff like, “Whoa, fah reals? I thought you was black!” … Yeeeaaaaaah, umm, okay. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/51 "2003-04-24T00:26:35Z")
**MeanOldLady** , that’s just people being unable to think outside their established ideas. I’m a white American, and three of my first cousins are Mexicans. You would not believe the things people have said to me if I mention a trip to Mexico to visit family. To top it off, my cousins are Jewish. When I told my coworkers I was going to Mexico City for my cousin’s bar mitzvah. I also have three first cousins who are British. Strangely enough, mentioning this does not merit the same reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/52 "2003-04-24T00:28:55Z")
You know, it’s good to finish sentences. \When I told my coworkers I was going to Mexico City for my cousin’s bar mitzvah, their heads practically exploded.\ ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810/53 "2003-04-24T00:48:48Z")
> [@](#): > > you with the face - love the name, btw - fair enough. Quasi hi-jack ahead: What kills me is when I tell people I’m Costa Rican and people react stangely. Some don’t think much of it, while others say retarded stuff like, “Whoa, fah reals? I thought you was black!” … Yeeeaaaaaah, umm, okay. That would kill me, too. The amount of ignorance some people spout matter-of-factly is truly astounding. by **monstro** : > [@](#): > > But we both attended Spelman’s nursery school (we both lived in the neighborhood). They used to beat us with wooden spoons, so that’s why we didn’t go there for college. Thanks a lot for making me relive a repressed memory, **monstro**! Now I must close my eyes and go into my Safe Place, where the mean old ladies can’t hurt me no more. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-few-black-women-fall-in-love-with-non-black-men/169810.md?page=2)