# Do guys really care if their wife makes more than them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872 "2014-04-24T16:56:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/81 "2014-04-30T20:58:40Z")
Considering that I retired this year and am trying to run my own business (which isn’t in the black yet), I am very happy that SWMBO makes a bucket more money than I do. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/82 "2014-04-30T21:14:52Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > Maybe you should ask some of the women you work with? > > […] Yes. However, amazingly enough, I can’t think of any women I work with who are in my age group and married to men. But I will try to find some… ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/83 "2014-04-30T21:30:04Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > I’ve been on the point of asking a followup question to this post ever since you wrote it, and kept backspacing out because I couldn’t find a politic way to ask it. I’ll just ask - please fight my ignorance while believing in my good intentions. 😛 > > In your relationship, do you or does your partner (or do neither of you) take what might be considered a more traditionally feminine role? I know that there’s no reason one of the men in a gay relationship must be the woman surrogate, just as there’s no reason every lesbian couple necessarily has a “bitch and a butch.” Eh, I got over being offended by most things a long time ago. (Hell, last time someone yelled faggot at me I was more offended by their lack of creativity…not that I would compare your question to that sort of thing) But no, not really. We both do laundry, take out the trash, do the dishes, etc. I do any cooking because he can screw up boiling water. But then I also am the one to do household repairs, car stuff etc. (at least as much as I know how to) > [@](#): > > I guess my real question is, do you think your partner would have answered the question the same way you did? Would he be happy to be the SAHD (stay-at-home-dude) if you made enough bread to keep you both in style? If it really came down to it being a realistic option, I think yes. But he’s also said he’d want to work even if we were independently wealthy, which I find to be crazy. He likes what he does, I never have really liked any job I had. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/84 "2014-04-30T21:34:35Z")
Awesome, thank you **Antinor01**. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Why\_Bother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19adc/32.png) [@Doctor\_Why\_Bother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Why_Bother)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/85 "2014-04-30T21:40:37Z")
I’d be a little threatened. Not enough that I’d ever make an issue out of it, or let it get in the way of anything, but in a perfect world I’d like to earn at least a little more than my wife. ---
**Author:** ![tenacious\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tenacious\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tenacious_j)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/86 "2014-05-01T02:12:10Z")
Hubby and I made about the same for a long time, as office jockeys who fell into what we were doing based on who was hiring at the time. A few years ago, I got RIF’d and took advantage of my skills and confidence to jump into a higher-level, higher paying job, and parlayed that a few times as I convinced those around me that I was capable of, and willing to do, more than anyone had given me credit for. Meanwhile, he got RIF’d from the only company in his field within 100 miles from here, and had to take what was available once again. I now make double what he does, and I honestly don’t give a hoot about it. He is somewhat concerned about what I think of him now that I make more. Like it makes any difference. I have to keep reminding him that it all evens out. We both work 40-50 hours, come home and do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. We are partners and the important thing is we share everything, money, household work, work work, etc., pretty equally. 🆒 I can’t see it any other way. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2014, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/87 "2014-05-01T03:53:08Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > rather than giving him a cookie.[/gpwg] OMG! You… give cookie? Do other women give… cookie? Holy Sh-t, I Knew it wasn’t just in porn…! ---
**Author:** ![nicky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f0a364/32.png) [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/88 "2014-05-02T08:15:25Z")
I must confess I’d feel emasculated by certain wife earning levels If my wife earned twice as much as me, thatd be fine. Wed have good money and my career would still matter. If my wife was stupendously rich, that’s be fine too. Money wouldn’t be an issue at all, I’d clearly be a stud, and the iso grifo would console me during any dark teatimes of the soul. But, if my wife earned say 5x I’d feel like a chump and a failiure. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/89 "2014-05-02T08:17:59Z")
> [@nicky](#): > > But, if my wife earned say 5x I’d feel like a chump and a failiure. Would you feel the same if it was your best friend that clearly earned 5x what you do? Just trying to work out if it’s more about you determining your own success by comparing your status to others, or whether it’s more about a female earning more than a male. ---
**Author:** ![nicky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f0a364/32.png) [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/90 "2014-05-02T10:14:42Z")
It would be about not being equal. ---
**Author:** ![misling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ab097/32.png) [@misling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misling)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/91 "2014-05-02T15:13:01Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > \*Men’s and women’s expectations in this regard have, I think, shifted at very different rates. [gross, probably wrong generalization]The lessons boys and girls take away from having grown up watching their moms work full time and do the vast majority of the housework and childcare are very different. Boys think this is a normal, acceptable division of labor and if they’re doing more than their dads did they’re feeling pretty virtuous. Girls look at the exhausting treadmill their moms are on and think “Oh hell no, that’s some _bullshit_. If I’m making half the money, his ass can do half the cooking and cleaning.” So guys expect to do maybe 25% of the housework, and women expect something much closer to 50%. So when a guy does 30% or so, he feels really virtuous and can’t grok why his wife is frustrated and angry rather than giving him a cookie.[/gpwg] This for me and my hubby. We earn equally. I expected him to do half the housework, he expected to do maybe 25% and me the rest. The way we resolved this is, I do 30%, he does 30%, and the rest just doesn’t get done… we’re a pair of semi-slobs 🙂 I know, weird, but it works for us. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/92 "2014-05-02T15:17:46Z")
Fellow guys: how different would you feel if your wife were wealthy because she came from money (inheritance/trust fund/whatever), vs. wealthy because she earned a shitload of money through her work (CEO/brain surgeon/lawyer)? ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/93 "2014-05-02T16:06:41Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > Fellow guys: how different would you feel if your wife were wealthy because she came from money (inheritance/trust fund/whatever), vs. wealthy because she earned a shitload of money through her work (CEO/brain surgeon/lawyer)? This would bother me more. My friend’s wife actually falls under this category. She inherited her childhood home from her parents, and has a $2 million trust fund. She’s a stay at home mom and my friend works. He seems fine with it. But from my perspective, she is lazy in large part because they never had to work for anything. My friend lived in a dumpy apartment before they met. She went to college but barely graduated and only worked intermittently. She spends her days on Reddit or buying Dr. Who onesies for her kid, complains about her messy house, and is often begging people on facebook for a babysitter/help them clean her house. While I’m sure not all trust fund sugar mommas are like her, it definitely rubs me the wrong way. If I could choose between marrying a wealthy but lazy woman vs a poor but hardworking and ambitious woman, I would take the poor woman simply because I feel we would be more “wealthy” in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/94 "2014-05-02T16:53:49Z")
I think there’s two ways to look at it. On the one hand, an heiress is not going to cause her husband to feel like he’s not accomplishing anything, the way a successful career woman might. On the other hand, an heiress might not appreciate her husband’s working role, never having really experienced it herself. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/95 "2014-05-02T18:16:40Z")
My wife used to make more than me, it was no problem. I’d be delighted if she made more than me now - we could afford a lot of stuff with that extra cash! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/96 "2014-05-02T20:57:38Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > My husband didn’t seem to mind. Mostly he minded the tax bracket we ended up in because of it. I’d be more concerned that your husband doesn’t understand how marginal tax rates work! 🙂 As for the original question, for several years my wife made more money than I did. (We worked at the same company.) Then she got pregnant with our first and hasn’t worked full-time since. I would be pretty happy if she made more then me again, because then we would be doing quite well financially. Of course, she’s also older than me and debatably smarter than me as well, so I’m trying to subvert all the dominant paradigms at once. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/97 "2014-05-02T21:43:59Z")
My wife used to make considerably more than I did. Helped pay for me to finish school after the Marine Corps. Didn’t bother me at all. Now I make more than she does. I’ve been thinking of “upgrading” but somehow it seems ungracious 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/98 "2014-05-03T00:01:02Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > This would bother me more. My friend’s wife actually falls under this category. She inherited her childhood home from her parents, and has a $2 million trust fund. She’s a stay at home mom and my friend works. He seems fine with it. > > But from my perspective, she is lazy in large part because they never had to work for anything. My friend lived in a dumpy apartment before they met. She went to college but barely graduated and only worked intermittently. She spends her days on Reddit or buying Dr. Who onesies for her kid, complains about her messy house, and is often begging people on facebook for a babysitter/help them clean her house. > > While I’m sure not all trust fund sugar mommas are like her, it definitely rubs me the wrong way. If I could choose between marrying a wealthy but lazy woman vs a poor but hardworking and ambitious woman, I would take the poor woman simply because I feel we would be more “wealthy” in the long run. I’m with you. While I might feel somewhat intimidated (or threatened, or maybe just inspired to achieve more) by a hyper-qualified, high-earning wife, I feel the heiress would probably just not be my type anyway, personality-wise. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/99 "2014-05-03T02:58:09Z")
My soon to be fiancee (wish me luck) makes more than me and really, I care not a whit. We both do fine. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2014, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872/100 "2014-05-03T05:32:51Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > This would bother me more. My friend’s wife actually falls under this category. She inherited her childhood home from her parents, and has a $2 million trust fund. She’s a stay at home mom and my friend works. He seems fine with it. > > But from my perspective, she is lazy in large part because they never had to work for anything. My friend lived in a dumpy apartment before they met. She went to college but barely graduated and only worked intermittently. She spends her days on Reddit or buying Dr. Who onesies for her kid, complains about her messy house, and is often begging people on facebook for a babysitter/help them clean her house. > > While I’m sure not all trust fund sugar mommas are like her, it definitely rubs me the wrong way. If I could choose between marrying a wealthy but lazy woman vs a poor but hardworking and ambitious woman, I would take the poor woman simply because I feel we would be more “wealthy” in the long run. Why doesn’t she hire a maid? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-guys-really-care-if-their-wife-makes-more-than-them/686872.md?page=6)