# Do I have a right to know who bit my child in the face?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 6, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153 "2012-12-06T03:38:15Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/41 "2012-12-06T15:07:08Z")
I voted it depends. How badly was your daughter hurt?
I ask because since your daughter and the biter are toddlers then no you don’t have any right to know (IMHO) because biting is normal toddler behavior, unless your daughter was hurt. Since the biter is a first time biter – ie it’s not a chronic problem for this child – and is a toddler he/she/it will grow out of this behavior. Was the skin broken, was the bit mark visible to you when you saw her later in the day? These are questions that need to be answered before I would venture an opinion on your right to know. If the skin was broken - yes you have a right to know. If there was no visible mark when you picked your daughter up, then no. If the mark was visible when she woke up the next morning, if I were you I’d show the mark to the management and say that is why you want to know.
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/42 "2012-12-06T15:10:03Z")
> [@Reepicheep](#):
>
> I voted it depends. How old is your daughter, and how much of an age range is at the daycare?
>
> I ask because if your daughter and the biter are toddlers then no you don’t have any right to know (IMHO) because biting is normal toddler behavior. Since the biter is a first time biter – ie it’s not a chronic problem for this child – and is a toddler he/she/it will grow out of this behavior.
>
> If, on the other hand, your daughter is out of toddlerhood, say between 4-5, this would be a bit (sorry bad pun) more serious. How injured was your daughter? Was the skin broken, was the bit mark visible to you when you saw her later in the day? These are questions that need to be answered before I would venture an opinion on your right to know. If the skin was broken - yes you have a right to know. If there was no visible mark when you picked your daughter up, then no. If the mark was visible when she woke up the next morning, if I were you I’d show the mark to the management and say that is why you want to know.
>
> If, on the third hand, your daughter 6 or older (and the biter is likely that old) then yes you have a right to know. By that age all children should be taught never to bite people.
If only there were some way for the OP to tell us more about the situation than will fit in the poll window. 😉
> [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](#):
>
> This was a pretty serious bite. It broke the skin and there is a bruise that is fairly significant. Both children are around the same age, between 1 and 2 years of age.
>
> Poll to come.
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### Author:  [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/43 "2012-12-06T15:25:34Z")
Unless you’re planning to exact some kind of revenge on the kid, what the hell are you going to do with this information?
Some little kids bite. It’s what they do, as they are tiny savages who have’t yet been taught how to behave like people. Why do you really even WANT to know? I mean, you’ll just end up thinking very badly of a kid who will grow out of the behavior and could end up being your child’s best friend in a year.
What do you or your child gain by knowing?
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/44 "2012-12-06T15:44:19Z")
I’d just like to point out that if your child’s daycare isn’t letting children bring firearms for self-protection, you’ve got to expect this kind of assault.
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### Author:  [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/45 "2012-12-06T15:45:37Z")
Our daycare has the same policy: they report the incident to the parents of both the victim and the biter (or hitter, pusher, pincher, scratcher, hair-puller, etc.), but they don’t tell either party who the other was. The reason is that, as everyone has said, there is no point. Unless you’re planning to sue, the only thing you can do is direct your anger and mistrust at a specific child. Unfortunately, I can guarantee that kid is not the only one in the class who’s bitten someone, or who will in the near future, and that includes your daughter. They’re _all_ capable of being vicious in one way or another, and unless it’s becoming an ongoing problem, there’s really nothing you can do. And even if it _is_ an ongoing problem, then there’s still nothing _you_ can do. It’s up to the school to address the issue with the biter’s parents. You can’t expel the kid, only they can.
And the thing is, very soon, this won’t be an issue anyway, because your daughter will be able to tell you who did what. (Just wait until the day she comes home and tells you, smiling proudly, “I pushed Ethan! He fell down!”) Our kid talks a blue streak now, and so we always know exactly who the perp is. But we don’t really care anymore, because at this point, pretty much everyone in the class has hurt everyone else, and we know them, and know that they are all nice, normal, gentle toddlers, who occasionally get frustrated and lash out physically, as many nice, normal, gentle toddlers do.
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### Author:  [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/46 "2012-12-06T15:53:40Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#):
>
> And the thing is, very soon, this won’t be an issue anyway, because your daughter will be able to tell you who did what. (Just wait until the day she comes home and tells you, smiling proudly, “I pushed Ethan! He fell down!”) Our kid talks a blue streak now, and so we always know exactly who the perp is. But we don’t really care anymore, because at this point, pretty much everyone in the class has hurt everyone else, and we know them, and know that they are all nice, normal, gentle toddlers, who occasionally get frustrated and lash out physically, as many nice, normal, gentle toddlers do.
Exactly. The other result of this is that since all the kids are talking to their parents, and the parents talk to each other, everyone ends up knowing everything. Even if my kid doesn’t tell me something the other kids tell their parents and they tell me. This is why it’s nice to be in the loop with the other parents and spend a night a month or so going out for drinks or having dinner at someone’s house or whatever. That way you know what’s going on.
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### Author:  [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/47 "2012-12-06T15:59:21Z")
My nephew was expelled from preschool. I assumed it was to keep him from biting other kids. The school did what was necessary to stop kids from hurting each other; I don’t know what good it would have done to rat him out to the victims’ parents.
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/48 "2012-12-06T15:59:27Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> I don’t believe the real Mrs. Whatsit was this cranky. 😃
>
> (I’m teasing. FTR, I totall agree with you.)
I aim for “cryptic maternal wisdom”, but usually I end up at “cranky and bitter sarcasm.” Alas.
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### Author:  [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/49 "2012-12-06T16:11:12Z")
If your child becomes a werewolf, you’ll need to know who the prime werewolf is so you can slay it and free your child from her curse.
If my toddler was harmed, I would expect to have the information on who harmed my child made available to me.
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### Author:  [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/50 "2012-12-06T16:50:49Z")
FWIW, I have no intention of suing. For me, I want to know because I like to know about what is happening with my child and who she is interacting with.
I, most likely, wouldn’t do anything with that information other then scoping the kid out to make sure that they didn’t look sick or anything. It isn’t that I don’t trust the daycare, I just like to have the ability to assess the situation myself.
For example, if this was a child that I knew wasn’t normally aggressive, I would pass it off as toddlers being toddlers. However, if it was a child that I had seen exhibit aggressive behavior in the past, it might change my view of the daycare center and how they approach these kinds of situations.
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### Author:  [@Bouncer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bouncer)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/51 "2012-12-06T17:51:45Z")
> [@voltaire](#):
>
> [Morgan Freeman voice]
> And that’s how it \*all \*began. They passed it off as “kids being kids” so that it seemed natural and harmless after a while, but little did they know that _every single_ child under 10 years old had now been bitten. Soon, when the hormones of puberty triggered the virus that had been coursing through their veins throughout their childhood, a \*whole \*generation would begin to gradually rise up and unleash their angst.
> […]
> How could they have been so blind? Now, they had no choice; an entire generation - the _zombabies_ - would have to be cut out like a cancer before they reached their teens.
> […]
> And that’s how it came to pass, that for an _entire decade_, there were no teenagers. Suddenly, the world seemed a lot more quiet, MTV went bankrupt, and there would be no more \*Twilight \*movies.
> [/M.F. voice]
You, are a genius.
Regards,
-Bouncer-
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### Author:  [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/52 "2012-12-06T17:57:37Z")
Our preschool had a “don’t identify the biter” policy too, which fell flat when one of our twins bit the other one.
(Later, when I asked why she had bitten her sister, she said, “I was hungry.”)
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### Author:  [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/53 "2012-12-06T19:05:58Z")
Crap, meant to answer yes. Damn these extra-long work days.
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### Author:  [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/54 "2012-12-06T19:18:13Z")
I voted yes, but after reading the responses here, I think I would be good with just knowing that the offender didn’t have any diseases/sickness that I need to be worried about.
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### Author:  [@solosam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solosam)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/55 "2012-12-06T19:48:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> There are plenty of idiot parents who will take it on themselves to take revenge on the offending kid and his or her parents.
This is precisely why I would want to know.
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### Author:  [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/56 "2012-12-06T20:14:53Z")
If it was my kid, I would tell them to either tell me, **or** I will press charges.
If it is there policy to not inform you who is abusing/harming your child, that is a place I would not want my child to visit.
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### Author:  [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/57 "2012-12-06T20:23:41Z")
> [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](#):
>
> If it was my kid, I would tell them to either tell me, **or** I will press charges.
What charges? The crime of “but I don’t like it”?
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### Author:  [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/58 "2012-12-06T20:24:21Z")
> [@hogarth](#):
>
> If there was permanent damage, then I think you’d have the right to know. For a temporary injury, I’m not sure what the point would be. To make sure you’re angry at the right toddler?
The bite broke the skin wouldn’t that mean it may leave a scar? And if the bite required medical attention, who is paying for it?
They say human bites are among the worst. I was never bitten by a person, so I really don’t know. But if your small child was bitten that badly, wouldn’t you need to get it checked out?
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/59 "2012-12-06T20:28:26Z")
So what charges are being pressed, here? I too am confused.
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### Author:  [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)
#### Post date: [December 6, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-a-right-to-know-who-bit-my-child-in-the-face/643153/60 "2012-12-06T20:40:20Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#):
>
> So what charges are being pressed, here? I too am confused.
I also am confused. Do you really not have the legal right to know who is harming your children? I just always assumed that if your kid was harmed at school or daycare, you had the right to know who did it. If for nothing else than to find out if the child has any diseases that could be transmitted.
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