# Do I have an unrealistic conception of dating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 10, 2008, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018 "2008-09-10T23:28:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018/61 "2008-09-13T16:02:30Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Would you accept a transexual, OP? Would I have sex with one? Sure, but mostly because I’m a curious type and will try anything once. I’m not gay, but I slept with a dude just to see what it was like. Not very cool, in case you were wondering. Would I date one? Probably not. There’s a lot of mental issues with someone like that I simply don’t have the patience for. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018/62 "2008-09-13T17:22:02Z")
> [@Influential\_Panda](#): > > I’m not gay, but I slept with a dude just to see what it was like. Not very cool, in case you were wondering. Well, at least you know for sure which way you swing. I disagree though, sex with men rocks 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018/63 "2008-09-13T19:23:50Z")
The gestalt on this has changed quite a bit in a fairly short period of time. When I was in high school/college in the early to mid 90’s (admittedly, in a fairly conservative area), serial monogamy was very much “in”. Sex implied exclusivity. If you were having sex with someone, it could be assumed that you weren’t having sex with anyone else. One-night stands and short-term flings happened, of course, but they were generally acknowledged as such. As a rule, if you had sex with someone and intended to do so again, you didn’t have sex with anyone else in the meantime. It would have been weird to talk about “being exclusive” well into a sexual relationship. We were the first generation to completely come of age sexually in the AIDS era, so we were taught from the outset that going from one partner to another required three signed notes from physicians and a six-month quarantine. My impression was that serial monogamy wasn’t such a big deal in the prior few decades, and that we were the outlier. Things were definitely starting to change by late in my college years. My partner at work, who got married shortly out of high school and got divorced just a few years ago, talks about how much things have changed. “Used to be everybody wanted to act like you were married after your first date,” he says. “But everybody’s friggin’ everybody these days, man.” ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018/64 "2008-09-13T20:52:35Z")
> [@Cat Fight](#): > > I’m not against ‘playing the field,’ but honestly, I am so anti-social I can’t imagine myself seeing Bill on Wednesday and Ted on Thursday, at least not without them knowing about one another. > [@cowgirl](#): > > I have a couple of friends who did this - actively dated two or three guys at once (all were in the know) and saw each once a week. They said it was like a part-time job. I can imagine. I do this. I see a few people, each of them once a week or so. They don’t know “about each other” per se, but each of them knows they’re not the only person I’m seeing. It’s not like “a part time job”, it’s like “having a social life”. I also have non-romantic/sexual friends that I hang out with once a week or so, and I can’t imagine that anyone would describe that commitment of time as “like having a part time job”. > [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > I wonder if those same women would be cool with dating a guy who had one or two other girlfriends as well. > > If they are all cool with it and on the same page then fine although frankly it sounds more to me like what you get just having a bunch of friends (although I suppose this way they get their dinners paid for). If it is about the sex just have some booty-calls handy in your little black book. They all know I’m seeing other people, and that they’re free to do the same. I’m not trying to scam anyone, or “get my dinners paid for”, I just don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now. I’m honest about that, and anyone who feels differently is perfectly within their rights to not date me. Why is it somehow better to have sex with several people who don’t interest me in any way \*other \*than the sexual (which is what I presume you mean by “booty calls”) than to have sex with several people whose company I actually enjoy, who I like and respect, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to marry them? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018/65 "2008-09-15T00:25:38Z")
**DianaG** –you’re totally my first ever Doper girlcrush. But I don’t want to have sex with you. 'Cause I suspect that it would be “not very cool.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018/66 "2008-09-15T03:53:49Z")
Aw, **Green Bean** , that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day. Thank you! And while I’m about a .73 on the Kinsey scale, I still think it’s pretty cool. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-an-unrealistic-conception-of-dating/463018.md?page=3)