# Do I have the wrong idea regarding therapy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 23, 2001, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144 "2001-10-23T19:02:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/41 "2001-10-24T15:14:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tevya \* > I don’t think I can deal with that however many times it takes to find the right therapist. I don’t want wind up telling you to try the same thing that got you into the hands of that schlub, but the best way to go IMHO is to talk to your doctor. Explain what you think is wrong and what you want to get out of therapy. They should be able to recommend several names and you should spend 15 to 20 minutes on the phone with each of them discussing the mandane aspects of your potential treatment (scheduling, money, etc.) so that you will be able to concentrate on the therapy itself when you walk in the door. If you have strong religious feelings, then your minister should be able to perform much the same function as a doctor. Hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/42 "2001-10-24T15:43:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*I just worry a lot. And what’s it to you? And why the hell does anyone care? I mean, believe me. I can talk about myself for days. I can bitch and moan with the best of us, but I know that NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT. > \*\* A therapist gives you a person that is willing to listen to it so the other people around you don’t have to. A neutral ear who has nothing in the relationship besides listening and offering ways to fix problems (if there are any.) I was in therepy after my massivly awful freshman year. We didn’t talk about any of that blame it on your childhood stuff, we looked at how I was dealing with still being alive. She’d let me talk and occasioanlly ask a few questions, leading me to think in new directions and grow as a person. It was nice. She was very bright and essentially an outside observer to the bits of whatever that were in my life. It worked sort of like coming to the SDMB with a problem, but faster and deeper. You make a few comments. You get a few things to ponder. You ponder. You become a better person and get a clearer idea of how to go on. It can be helpful. For me it was. We did it on groups of five weeks, and decided that I was done half way through the second one. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/43 "2001-10-24T17:55:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brynda \* > I loved what **ENugent** said about therapy: “The therapist-client relationship is a strange one, but it offers something virtually no other relationship can: a completely unbiased, non-judgmental, and resolution-oriented sounding board for your soul.” Sounds like the SDMB… ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/44 "2001-10-25T00:14:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Legomancer \* > \*\*I’ve never had anyone who proposed any solutions to the problems. Their idea seemed to be that once you knew what the source of the problem was, you could fix it. Well knowing the source wasn’t hard, it was the fixing I obviously didn’t know how to do. And they never had any answers for that. When I told this to other people, they’d say, “We’ll they can’t just wave a magic wand and make it all better,” to which I said, “well then what the hell CAN they do?” which always seemed to be “not much”. > \*\* Therapists are not supposed to give you solutions, therapy is. No one can tell you what to do, and even if we did, you wouldn’t want to do it–human nature. People are much better off (more likely to give themselves due credit, more likely to actually follow thru, etc) when they find their own solutions, rather than being handed the answer by someone else. The times I have fallen for this (and every therapist has at least once), I have gotten, “yes, but…” and learned my lesson. Therapy is about you learning to solve your own problems through knowing yourself and how you perceive and react to things, not following the advice someone gives you, even if that someone is a therapist. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/45 "2001-10-25T00:37:54Z")
People go to counseling to find out more about themselves. They are adventerous. When your counselor/psychiatrist, etc, start to talk about themselves then its time to find another one. You are paying to talk about yourself, not them. But forget that if you ask about them yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Frink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Mr.Frink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Frink)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/46 "2001-10-25T05:28:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **Well, to me, the worst case is, I’m out a million dollars, I’ve got a therapist trying to convince me there is no god…** I’m kinda surprised by that conception of therapy. Just out of curiosity, where did you get that perception of therapists being anti-religion? In my personal experience, my therapist regarded spiritual belief as a _positive_ thing–especially since one of my issues was a sense of a lack of meaning in my life. But I wonder if your stereotype does have some validity. Has anyone here ever encountered any resistance from a therapist regarding spiritual beliefs? In any case–Good Luck Jarbaby! Just the fact that you’re so honest & insightful when it comes to holding a mirror up to your psyche shows that you’re closer than most when it comes to getting a grip on yourself! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/47 "2001-10-25T15:06:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tevya \* > My insurance companies method of recommending a therapist is to tell me to look in the phone book. That’s because the insurance company itself is in no good position to recommend a therapist. If I needed therapy, first person I’d go for a recommendation is my family doctor. YMMV, depending on how much you trust your doctor - but my wife and I have the world’s best family doctor, which helps. If you don’t have a family doctor, or aren’t sure you’d give much weight to a rec from him/her, then if there’s a minister you know fairly well, and think well of (doesn’t have to be _your_ minister), that’s another good source. Good luck, **jarbaby**. Much as I’d like to undercut Cranky ($60 an hour? And hey, I believe in God too ;)), I have to agree that if you’re staying up half the night worrying about how they make wire, or whether the moon’s going to break in half, it’s probably time you got a professional opinion on where this might be coming from (and that doesn’t _have_ to mean abuse, bad parenting, or any of that), and what to do about it. BTW, I’m not ridiculing your worries - I’m married to an OCDer, and I understand about worries that have no rational basis. Sometimes she’ll tell me she’s worried about something, and I’ll ask, “Is this the OCD?”, which is shorthand for “Should I skip past the explanation of why there’s no reason on earth to worry about this, because that won’t touch the fear?” Sounds like that’s the way it is with many of your anxieties, whatever their source. So I’m hoping you see a therapist, and whether you do or don’t, you’ve got my prayers and good wishes. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/48 "2001-10-25T15:09:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by frinkboy \* > Just out of curiosity, where did you get that perception of therapists being anti-religion? In my personal experience, my therapist regarded spiritual belief as a _positive_ thing–especially since one of my issues was a sense of a lack of meaning in my life. Well, first of all it’s hard to find ANYONE these days with a pro Christian sentiment :), but I also perceive doctors and therapists to be very logical, cut and dried occam’s razor type people. It reminds me of the Simpsons last night: Marge: oh, I was just praying to God that you wouldn’t find me insane Therapist: OH, and this GOD, is he in the room right now? Could you point him out? That sort of thing. jar ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/49 "2001-10-25T15:26:29Z")
> [@](#): > > I also perceive doctors and therapists to be very logical, cut and dried occam’s razor type people. So, to answer the OP, yes, you have the wrong idea regarding therapy. Forget your stereotypes and go talk to a few therapists. Most will talk to you over the phone to get an idea if they are a good match for you. Get some recommendations from a doctor, minister, or friends who’ve used therapy and take it from there. You may decide you don’t want therapy, but you should at least come to that decision from an informed place. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/50 "2001-10-25T15:38:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*I WOULD feel weird telling my doctor that I’d rather talk to a man because she’ll think that’s weird, but I like men better than women when I’m venting… > \*\* Nope, that’s not weird at all. I’d feel weird talking to a female therapist. I think there’s a lot that can be gained by the M-F interaction. I know I find it a lot easier to open up to a guy. In fact, I want it to be an older guy. Like a father figure type of person. But that’s just me. 🙂 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*This is my preconceived notion: > > Dr: So, what’s bothering you today. > > Jar: Well, I was awake for three hour last night worried that the moon had cracked in half. > > Dr: Well, you know that isn’t true. > > Jar; I know > > Dr: So…why do you worry about it. > > Jar: I just do > > Dr; Well don’t. > > And then we get into a fist fight and I break a vase over his head. > > \*\* Here’s more what it will be like: Dr: So, what’s bothering you today. Jar: Well, I was awake for three hour last night worried that the moon had cracked in half. Dr: Really? Well, I can see why that would worry you. What was going through your head exactly? Jar: \ Dr: Yeah, that’s pretty frightening. A lot of people worry about stuff like that, though, so you’re not alone. So what else do you worry about? Jar: \ Dr: Hmmm… in both your worries, you mention X. What do you think of that? Jar: \ At least, that’s what it was like for me. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/51 "2001-10-25T15:44:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > Well, first of all it’s hard to find ANYONE these days with a pro Christian sentiment :), but I also perceive doctors and therapists to be very logical, cut and dried occam’s razor type people. > \*\* I believe this to be the vocal minority. People who say that a scientist, no matter what field, can NOT accept anything on faith are deluded. A scientist, above all, is a person with an open mind. This means accepting the possibility of a creator. Logic and faith aren’t mutually exclusive, it just depends upon which premises you believe in. (No hijacks people! This is not the time or place for posturing or soapboxing from either side.) \*\* > [@](#): > > It reminds me of the Simpsons last night: > > Marge: oh, I was just praying to God that you wouldn’t find me insane > > Therapist: OH, and this GOD, is he in the room right now? Could you point him out? > \*\* I believe the Simpsons is a poor source of information on the behavior of the typical therapist. My dear lady, if you are having trouble reconciling reality and the Simpsons, I’d see it as another manifestation of your need for help. Seriously, from the tone of your rants and your posts in general, I believe you could benefit from therapy, and I think you do too, you just don’t have the courage. Is your husband willing to go with you the first few times? Would you be comfortable/able to speak your mind with him there? Simply find a good therapist, one you would feel comfortable talking to, and one who shares your belief system. Every journey has a first step, if you think being medication-free and getting past sleepless nights spent in useless anxiety is a worthwile destination, then take a step. Steven ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/52 "2001-10-25T15:53:13Z")
steven, I was joking. I don’t go to the Simpsons for reality checks. I said it REMINDED my of the Simpsons. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/53 "2001-10-25T18:13:32Z")
My husband works for a company that makes wire. The company may go out of business because the market is so bad… I don’t worry about how wire is made. I do wonder about putting our kid thru college… Mostly I don’t worry, tho - maybe I’m in permanent denial, or maybe I really don’t sweat the small stuff. There was going to be a profound thought in there somewhere - I’m thinking I’ve got a chocolate defiency. So if you’ll excuse me… Incidentally, **jarbaby** , I wish you the best. I have no advice, but if you lived nearer to me, I could teach you some really neat knitted patterns. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144/54 "2001-10-25T19:01:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* I don’t want to pour my heart out to someone when I know they don’t care and are only sitting there for the paycheck. > \*\* Howdie Jarbaby! I am currently in school to be a therapist (Although my goal is crisis counselling, as opposed to a clinical practice) and I have to take exception to this statement. I am interested in this field because I WANT to help people. I mean, the pay check is a bonus, but I could make a lot more money doing something else. Medication and cognitive behaviour therapy both have about equal success rates when it comes to dealing with depression - if drugs are working for you, great - no need to change. (Although I did notice yer, um, sex thread in the pit.) The goal of cognitive behaviour therapy would not be for you to talk about your subconscious lusts and thoughts and needs, etc. (that would be psychotherapy, which isn’t practiced too much anymore) instead it would be to teach you how to overcome negative thinking patterns. This sounds like hokum, but it does, in fact, work, for the majority of people. (About 66%). That’s all I wanted to say. If you feel very negatively about it, than therapy is probably not for you in a long term way. Possibly, it could just help with one particular issue, if one were to arise. (Like a crisis, I mean - my soon, hopefully, to be speciality.) Al. BTW - It sounds like you’re doing great - don’t let anyone, SO or otherwise talk you into treatment that you don’t want. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-the-wrong-idea-regarding-therapy/89144.md?page=2)