# Do I have to take sh\*t from a girl because I ruined her life in Junior High? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2005, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-to-take-sh-t-from-a-girl-because-i-ruined-her-life-in-junior-high/307704 "2005-06-10T05:36:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-to-take-sh-t-from-a-girl-because-i-ruined-her-life-in-junior-high/307704/161 "2005-06-14T12:33:05Z")
> [@Oy!](#): > > Because no one seems to have noticed it, I’m reiterating my most important point: > > If you’re truly sincere about repenting, find the OTHER people you victimized and apologize to them. Otherwise, any claims you make of repentence boil down to the fact that she is being hurtful to you and you want her to stop and/or she is quite attractive now and you find her worthy of social interst. You are exactly right. **START** now finds her shagworthy, he wants to make friends. She wants to make him feel like shit for a while, just because that is how he made her feel. Typical teenage stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-to-take-sh-t-from-a-girl-because-i-ruined-her-life-in-junior-high/307704/162 "2005-06-14T12:41:44Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > Typical teenage stuff. And again I say, START needs to seek counseling for this teenage stuff. There’s no shame in seeking professional help, especially when you’ve recently lost a family member. But he can’t **keep** bringing his problems to the boards. There are too many of them, and he seems unable to deal with their complexity. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-to-take-sh-t-from-a-girl-because-i-ruined-her-life-in-junior-high/307704/163 "2005-06-14T13:46:06Z")
Another excellent point, **Rilchiam**. You guys are, like, excellent point-makers or something. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-to-take-sh-t-from-a-girl-because-i-ruined-her-life-in-junior-high/307704/164 "2005-06-14T16:00:54Z")
If what **START** is after here is to grow as a person - to start to develop into a real, live, decent human being, then a sincere apology and avoiding **Laura’s** presence is a good start - coupled with finding his previous victims and repeating the process. If you behave badly and hurt another person deliberately - as **START** freely admits he has done, then it behooves you to man up and apologize sincerely and do what you can to make amends. For yourself as much as the other person. Penance. Taking responsibility for your own actions. Adult behavior. Valuable life lesson. If what **START** wants is to not have a hot girl pissed at him (which is kind of the vibe I was getting from the OP, then my response is “Too bad, too little, too late.” She will probably always despise you for what you did - deservedly so. He victimized a weaker kid in public for jollies. That’s evil. Deliberately causing pain to another for your own gratification is a fundamental underpinning of evil. It speaks well of him that he’s (arguably) sorry - but the behavior was evil. Part of the growing-up-into-a-decent-human process is learning to recognize your own evil and then (this is the important part) **NOT REPEATING IT**. There’s also the bit where you _try to make amends_. As **Laura** does not post here and is not a member of our community, let’s leave her be. No demonizing the victim, if you please. She has not asked for our advice, so let’s not give it to her. I’d hazard a guess she’s lashing out from pain - pain that **START** helped to foster and nurture. He no more deserves to be victimized than she did - but he started the party with her. No crying because the tiger you poked with a pointy stick catches you with a claw. Your proper behavior is to apologize sincerely and avoid her. If she comes over with (or to visit) your relatives, then explain to the linking people the story and that you think it’s best you not be around when she is. If you **must** deal with her, do it in the most courteous imaginable fashion. Always. No matter what she says. If there’s going to be poor behavior, then make sure it’s not yours. That’s all you can do. Accepting that she’s got a basis for her treatment of you (and she does - whether or not I agree with the extent to which she’s taken it, she’s got a legitimate beef), and making sure she has no further cause for complaint is all you can do - other than ponying up a sincere apology. This isn’t about whether or not **you** “have to take her shit”. It’s about you making it a personal point to make sure _nobody else_ has cause to complain about your behavior - in as much as you possibly can. She’s in charge of her behavior. You’re in charge of yours. So, be polite. Be courteous. If she crosses the line, ask her politely to cease and desist. If she won’t, then leave her be. There’s a difference between taking her abuse like a poor passive aggressive suffering **START** (oooooh, where do we sign up for the Let’s-Martyr- **START** petition) and making the best of a situation wherein you caused the abuse that you’re taking which has now gotten out of hand. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-i-have-to-take-sh-t-from-a-girl-because-i-ruined-her-life-in-junior-high/307704.md?page=8)