# Do many women actually use strap-on dildos? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 13, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310 "2008-07-13T05:47:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/1 "2008-07-13T05:47:07Z")
I was enjoying an adult film the other day which involved a scene (as many lesbian films do nowadays) involving the use of a strap-on dildo by one woman on her partner. Many lesbian porn films feature strap-ons (which I do enjoy seeing), but it got me thinking about how I’ve never actually met a woman who has used a strap-on with a partner of either sex. I’ve had some pretty kinky exes who would certainly have gone in for that sort of thing, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t wondered what the experience would be like, but it seems that for the most part strap-on dildos seem to be largely contained to either porn films or a relatively small group of people in the BDSM community. I’m well aware that films where “Oh look at this 10” dildo I conveniently keep in my bedside drawer in anticipation of my first lesbian experience!" is considered a plot device shouldn’t be considered reliable sources of information, so I’m wondering if many women out there have actually used strap-on dildos on a partner of either sex? I’d be interested to hear what it was like for you and how you got into it in the first place, as long as people are comfortable sharing (My PM box is open if anyone would prefer not to discuss some things publicly). It seems to be an interesting experience for both partners to say the least, but I’d like to find out more from actual people instead of porn films and the like… ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/2 "2008-07-13T06:02:37Z")
As a guy I can’t speak first hand, but I have been told by women of a truly bisexual bent (not the Girls Gone Wild exhibitionist variety) that the strap-on is a legitimate fantasy of theirs. I’ve often wondered how a lesbian woman would feel about the topic and I’m sure it’s been discussed in detail in regards to the whole “man substitute” angle. For the bisexual women I’ve known it’s usually something of a hybrid fantasy where they get to play the submissive/receptive role with a woman. On the flipside, these women have never even paused to consider what it would be like to don one. Take that how you will. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/3 "2008-07-13T06:05:06Z")
I’ve known several women who used strap-ons, though not always lesbians and not always with a female partner. While dildos of any sort are far from universally used by lesbians and other women, they aren’t unusual. Strap-ons are just a subset of this. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/4 "2008-07-13T07:48:23Z")
Once, in an all-ladies yoga/gym class, we were asked to do push-ups, then pelvic pushups (arms straight, pelvis up and down). Most girls made it to two of those before their arms buckled from under them and they couldn’t get themselves up again. All of us lying on the ground, and one of us remarked: “…So, this is what we ask guys to do _for twenty minutes straight._” We all giggled. Get my point? ---
**Author:** ![sunacres](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@sunacres](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunacres)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/5 "2008-07-13T15:56:00Z")
[QUOTE=susan] I’ve known several women who used strap-ons, though not always lesbians and not always with a female partner. [/QUOTE] True in my experience too. One of the things that seems to happen eventually in relationships around here is a date involving a trip to our local Good Vibrations shop. Two out of three times my dates selected strap-on harnesses with a variety of appurtenances (they were both kind enough to solicit my input on what they intended to put in). In use, both women made a rather marked transition from gentle, giggly, considerate fun to very intense thrusting and pounding with wild abandon. My two cents. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/6 "2008-07-13T16:29:18Z")
[QUOTE=Maastricht] …So, this is what we ask guys to do _for twenty minutes straight._" We all giggled. 20 minutes? Oh those Dutch ladies 😛 ---
**Author:** ![highart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/34f0e0/32.png) [@highart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/highart)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/7 "2008-07-13T16:57:18Z")
I know personally for my relationship with another female, it’s a nice thing to use a strap on. It gives me the experience and kind of “high” of what it feels like to be a guy. If only I could feel what it’s like having a real one! ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/8 "2008-07-13T17:49:11Z")
I had no idea that dudes were generally into participating in strap-on sex until an ex told me, post-breakup, that it was on his “fantasy list.” I don’t know that I would include it on MY “fantasy list” but I would have worn it for him (or anyone who asked). Seems interesting. I do think of it more of a guy thing than a girl thing, though. First the guy has to be willing to hop into the sack with a girl wearing a colorful cock and only then can the girl consider whether she wants to or not. But maybe that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![freekalette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/50afbb/32.png) [@freekalette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freekalette)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/9 "2008-07-13T17:51:36Z")
Never have used one, but I’d love to. I’ve always been curious about how “the other side” lives. Any Dopers got suggestions for convincing my husband, I’m all ears! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/10 "2008-07-13T18:33:30Z")
We have one, and I’ve used it once or twice on my husband. He enjoyed it far more than I did. I guess I’m just not anally focused. He’s a clean freak, too, showers forever and scrubs every inch, and yet I still felt a little oogy. I found it difficult to thrust enthusiastically without hurting him as there’s no feedback from the dildo as you’d have with a real penis. However, if you angle it right, the thrust in created a nice pressure on my vulva with each stroke, and I did enjoy that. It was about as wild as we’ve gone. I’m sure he’d be up 🙂 for it again. Maybe I should… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/11 "2008-07-13T19:00:31Z")
I know at least one lesbian couple who uses one, and that’s the extent of my knowledge on the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/12 "2008-07-14T00:02:41Z")
[QUOTE=freekalette] Any Dopers got suggestions for convincing my husband, I’m all ears! 😉 [/QUOTE] Telling him you don’t plan to use it \*on him \* should work nicely! ---
**Author:** ![sunacres](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@sunacres](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunacres)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/13 "2008-07-14T00:17:15Z")
[QUOTE=ZipperJJ] I do think of it more of a guy thing than a girl thing, though. First the guy has to be willing to hop into the sack with a girl wearing a colorful cock and only then can the girl consider whether she wants to or not. But maybe that’s just me. [/QUOTE] I find that a much better general approach, to sex and to life, is for you to think about what you’d like, then ask for it. Yes, it’s risky, but it turns out the risk is that your partner will know something about you. In the end that’s a good thing, even if it involves short term drama. Now, if in the case of a strap-on you don’t have any desires but your partner does, your decision to participate or not includes being generous, even indulgent. It’s just not true that “only then can the girl consider whether she wants to or not”! ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/14 "2008-07-14T00:23:58Z")
[QUOTE=sunacres] True in my experience too. One of the things that seems to happen eventually in relationships around here is a date involving a trip to our local Good Vibrations shop. Two out of three times my dates selected strap-on harnesses with a variety of appurtenances (they were both kind enough to solicit my input on what they intended to put in). In use, both women made a rather marked transition from gentle, giggly, considerate fun to very intense thrusting and pounding with wild abandon. My two cents. [/QUOTE] Sooooo . . . what’s the name of your town again? I mean, just for census purposes, you understand. Are they hiring librarians? Open-minded librarians? ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/15 "2008-07-14T00:56:06Z")
For anyone interested, there is this strapless strap-on: [Get genuine Feeldoe® and Realdoe® directly from the inventor here](http://www.feeldoe.com/page2.html) (this link is pretty safe for work, nothing graphic) ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_Stimulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Digital\_Stimulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_Stimulus)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/16 "2008-07-14T01:15:48Z")
I was talking to a (lesbian) friend of mine once, and she glowingly mentioned the [Feeldoe](http://www.feeldoe.com/page2.html). By her account, it was the best she and her partner had found. She’s the only person I’ve known who has told me she’s used one. In fact, I think she’s the only person with whom it’s ever even been a topic of conversation. ETA: should’ve checked preview… **Renee** snuck it in there. ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/17 "2008-07-14T04:51:26Z")
Well, me and my partner and this mad female friend of ours who is another pervert did a few scenes together, and she _definitely_ enjoys strapping one on and using it to give what-for to selected orifices. Thus, I estimate that of the women I’ve had sexual contact with, 25% of them use strap on dildos. But that’s a pretty small sample to extrapolate anything from. ---
**Author:** ![Kalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/df705f/32.png) [@Kalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalypso)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/18 "2008-07-14T06:08:02Z")
I’ve used one on a guy. He mentioned he was curious, and I was all for trying something new. The next time we were in SF we popped into the nearest Good Vibrations store just like **sunacres** , picked out something suitable, and rushed back to our hotel to try it. I enjoyed myself very much, partly because though I have no desire to be a man, I really think I would like having a penis. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/19 "2008-07-14T07:55:52Z")
[QUOTE=highart] I know personally for my relationship with another female, it’s a nice thing to use a strap on. It gives me the experience and kind of “high” of what it feels like to be a guy. If only I could feel what it’s like having a real one! [/QUOTE] It’s an expensive “high”. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310/20 "2008-07-14T10:11:43Z")
Thanks for the enlightening replies, everyone! It’s interesting that there’s a reasonable market for them, and even more interesting that it seems to be largely hetero couples using them to try something new. I honestly thought there would be more bi/lesbian women saying “Yeah, I own one and I use it”, but that just shows tha you learn something new every day, as they say… 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-many-women-actually-use-strap-on-dildos/456310.md?page=2)