# Do men really desire smart women? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 19, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573 "2002-04-19T20:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![brainychick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@brainychick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainychick)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/1 "2002-04-19T20:21:00Z")
I need advice on dating. I think that I have always had a problem getting dates with men because of my intellect. Either the guys are turned off (or at least, not turned on) by it, or I myself am bored or put off by the way I am approached. Or, guys make friends with me because I can offer them advice and understanding, and they never want the relationship to go further. Girlfriends have suggested that I try to be a little less intellectual, at least until guys get the know me better. What do you men think? ---
**Author:** ![Calliope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Calliope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calliope)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/2 "2002-04-19T20:26:18Z")
I’m not a man, but don’t “play dumb” in order to get guys interested in you. You obviously need an intellectual challenge to interest you in a guy, so catching, as it were, a guy who thinks you are less intelligent than you are will leave you ultimately bored. In all things, be yourself. You will attract someone who is attracted to what you are, not what you pretend to be. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/3 "2002-04-19T20:26:54Z")
I’m a guy. I would _much_ rather go out with a smart woman than a vacuous one, regardless of appearance. The trouble, of course, is finding smart women who are attracted to _me_… ---
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/4 "2002-04-19T20:27:01Z")
This one does 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Daoloth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/82dd89/32.png) [@Daoloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daoloth)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/5 "2002-04-19T20:27:41Z")
Agreed with Darwin’s Finch here. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/6 "2002-04-19T20:29:01Z")
What **Calliope** said. Also, sounds to me like you not only need an intellectual challenge, you need new girlfriends!!! Who would _give_ advice like that??? ---
**Author:** ![blanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f04885/32.png) [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/7 "2002-04-19T20:37:44Z")
I much, much, much prefer smart women- not only for the conversation, and the intellectual challenge, but also because smart women tend to be… more adventurous… in bed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/8 "2002-04-19T20:42:32Z")
You need to find better men. You don’t want the types who are turned off by intelligence. ---
**Author:** ![brainychick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@brainychick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainychick)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/9 "2002-04-19T20:47:54Z")
For the record, I have never desired to become stupid to attract me. I’m pretty stubborn about that. And I’m not the type that likes to beat people over the head with how smart I am. But I have not had much dating success, either, which has made me wonder. And a few men have complained that I “ask too many questions” or that I analyze things too much. ---
**Author:** ![brainychick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@brainychick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainychick)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/10 "2002-04-19T20:49:50Z")
For the record, I have never desired to become stupid to attract men. I’m pretty stubborn about that. And I’m not the type that likes to beat people over the head with how smart I am. But I have not had much dating success, either, which has made me wonder. And a few men have complained that I “ask too many questions” or that I analyze things too much. ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/11 "2002-04-19T20:51:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blanx \* > \*\*I much, much, much prefer smart women- not only for the conversation, and the intellectual challenge, but also because smart women tend to be… more adventurous… in bed. > \*\* Yes I do, and yes they are! I can attest. –==the sax man==– ---
**Author:** ![brainychick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@brainychick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainychick)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/12 "2002-04-19T20:52:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AndrewL \* > \*\*You need to find better men. You don’t want the types who are turned off by intelligence. \*\* Right. Where are they? 😕 I don’t do bars, but I have done ads, activities, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/13 "2002-04-19T20:57:19Z")
HELL NO. Gimme a smart woman, any day of the week. How YOU doin’, **Brainychick**? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/14 "2002-04-19T21:00:36Z")
I’m neither a guy either, nor do I have an impressive track record when it comes to relationships, so you can take this with a grain of salt … but if your personality doesn’t mesh with any given guy’s, isn’t it better to find out _right away_ than after weeks or months of pretending to be someone else? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/15 "2002-04-19T21:15:13Z")
Definitely give me an intelligent woman. (No, really. _Please_ give me an intelligent woman!) And if she knows how to fly, then so much the better. Seriously, most of your time together will be spent in conversation and just living. It’s better to have someone you can talk to. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/16 "2002-04-19T21:15:58Z")
Well, **brainychick** , to throw a wrench into it for ya, “asking too many questions” and “overanalyzing” could be separate issues from intellect. For example, if you’re on a first date with a guy who mentions that he’s late because he just came from a doctor’s appointment, and you start giving him the inquisition about his stool sample, well… that might be a bit much. Or if a guy says, “You look amazing tonight,” and you wonder if that means that you _didn’t_ look good the last time you went out (since he didn’t mention it), or if perhaps he has some weird sort of foot fetish since you’re wearing sandals on this date whereas you wore loafers on the last date, well… again, too much. I’m guessing, of course, that you’re perfectly charming and that your questions do not reach beyond the realm of propriety, but you know what? Even if they don’t, you gotta be who you are. If you like talking shit (literally) on a first date, then by golly, you talk shit, and if the fella doesn’t like it, ram your sandaled foot right into his dumb ass. 😃 😉 ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/17 "2002-04-19T21:23:11Z")
Well, I’m in college, and when new people meet, they generally ask each other three questions. What’s your name? What year are you? What’s your major? Well, when I answer that last one with “I’m an engineer,” a lot of the guys get scared away mighty quick. But if they are scared away, I figure I didn’t want to date them, anyway. I’m picky, though. I refuse to date dumb guys. That doesn’t mean they have to have book smarts. Though I’ve made it work with a guy who’s just so sure of himself that he doesn’t care that I’m probably smarter than him. ---
**Author:** ![Ivar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ivar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ivar)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/18 "2002-04-19T21:24:21Z")
I need a brainy chick, I can’t deal with stupid people in general, much less my partner. I dumped a girl once because she had bad grammar. It was either that or wait for her to dump me when she got tired of being corrected all the time. ---
**Author:** ![njufoic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/278dde/32.png) [@njufoic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njufoic)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/19 "2002-04-19T21:24:22Z")
I’m definitely attracted to intelligence, but it needs to be _practical_ intelligence. I know one girl who is extremely “book smart”, but is incapable of checking the pressure in her tires, or explaining a computer problem in a coherent fashion. It drives me nuts. -Andrew L ---
**Author:** ![brainychick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@brainychick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainychick)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573/20 "2002-04-19T21:28:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Well, **brainychick** , to throw a wrench into it for ya, “asking too many questions” and “overanalyzing” could be separate issues from intellect. > > For example, if you’re on a first date with a guy who mentions that he’s late because he just came from a doctor’s appointment, and you start giving him the inquisition about his stool sample, well… that might be a bit much. \*\* I’m tempted to do things like this, but have learned to resist the temptation. Or if a guy says, “You look amazing tonight,” and you wonder if that means that you _didn’t_ look good the last time you went out (since he didn’t mention it), or if perhaps he has some weird sort of foot fetish since you’re wearing sandals on this date whereas you wore loafers on the last date, well… again, too much. \*\* [/QUOTE] This sort of thing would drive me nuts if someone did it to me, which is how I grew out of that particular neurosis. Anyhoo, I basically enjoy my life, and I’m certain that I’ll be okay whether I’m with a guy or not. And I would much rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t like me for who I am. It just gets lonely sometimes… Thanks for the thoughts, and the laughs. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-men-really-desire-smart-women/104573.md?page=2)