# Do Mermaids have Vaginas? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110 "2004-04-15T04:01:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/1 "2004-04-15T04:01:12Z")
Over in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=4756863#post4756863) Snoopy makes a funny and it got me thinking about Mermaids and whether or not they can have sex or pee. Where do Mermen hid their tallywackers? In the closest I’ve come to real life Merpeople studies has been through the Scientific films of Disney, I’ve always thought the Mermen were a little bit like a Ken Doll. And naturally, this makes me wonder, where to mermaid babies come from and, the most shocking thought of all, is, if they don’t have vaginas/vagini what is the plural for the pink taco anyway? Vaginu Does this mean that Prince Erik is gay and she is a beard? Mutual of Omaha needs to get on this very subject. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/2 "2004-04-15T04:12:43Z")
My impression from the various merfolk/lorelei myths I’ve read is that mermaids have the ability to change, to facilitate seduction and eventual murder of innocent, unwary sailors. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/3 "2004-04-15T04:21:13Z")
I always thought the hoohaa was the vent just behind the ventrical fin like a normal fish. [1] Thus the mermaid lays the eggs and the merman…(quick mental flash of bukkake porn) errrr… nevermind. [1] Hey, I visited a trout hatchery a few times ok? It was a few years before I learnt that trout don’t reproduce by having people squeezing them into buckets ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/4 "2004-04-15T04:35:37Z")
Hello, I’m Marlin Perkins, here with Jim Fowler. We’re going on a hunt for the elusive Mediterranean Mermaid, and we hope to answer one of the great mysteries of science: Do mermaids have vaginas? Right now we’re off the coast of Sicily, where some mermaid activity has been reported. Jim here has a bucket of chum, with which we hope to draw in some mermaids. Isn’t that right, Jim? That’s right, Marlin. _Jim holds up a bucket of a strange viscuous white fluid_ Er, Jim, what exactly is in that chum? Sorry, Marlin, it’s an ancient Sicilian secret. _Jim tosses the contents of the bucket over the side of the boat. Almost immediately; a blond-haired, well-endowed mermaid swims close to the surface of the water and begins eating the chum; using a device that looks remarkably similar to a drinking straw_ There she is. Isn’t she a beauty? Jim is now going to use his tranquilizer gun and we’ll have her up here in no time. _Jim takes aim with a tranquilizer rifle and puts one square in the mermaid’s large muscle mass. The mermaid starts flailing and screeching, eventually tapering off. She lies in the water in a face-up dead man’s float_ Got her! Now, we’re just going to get her with a net and put her on this table for examination. _As Jim begins hauling up the unconscious mermaid, Marlin points toward a table equipped with a set of manacles on the corners on one side, and a large buckling restraint on the other end of the table_ Jim designed this table himself, and he’s been working on it for weeks. He’s really been looking forward to this. _Jim flops the mermaid onto the table, secures her wrists in the manacles, and straps her tail down in the larger restraint_ Now Jim is examining the lower torso of the mermaid. Wait, he’s found something! _Jim has found a small vent within the scales of the mermaid, and has worked two fingers into it. He spreads his fingers apart, exposing the pinkish interior to the camera. Grinning fiendishly, he unzips his trousers and climbs up on the table_ Jim, what in the blue hell are you _doing?_ Shove off, old man! I’ve waited for this moment for years! Ah, yes, well. As Jim is violating this tranquilized, bound mermaid, so must you tranquilize, bind and… no… so must you violate… no… God DAMN it, _HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEGUE INTO THE DAMNED PLUG FOR MUTUAL OF F_CKING OMAHA LIFE INSURANCE WITH YOU PORKING THE MERMAID!?\* _unf_ _unf_ _unf_ I don’t give a rat’s ass, Marlin. Hey, her mouth’s open. Why don’t you get yourself some of that, old man? I…er…uh… oh my… turn that damned camera off, Bob, and let’s see if we can’t make this fish watertight. _Screen suddenly goes black, followed by 20 minutes of commercials for Mutual of Omaha Insurance_ ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/5 "2004-04-15T04:39:35Z")
Now _this_ is why I read the SDMB. Thanks, **Tentacle Monster** , you just made my day. That was hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/6 "2004-04-15T05:05:54Z")
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 😃 Damn, I love this place! ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/7 "2004-04-15T05:12:20Z")
I have heard from reliable sources, Jessica Simpson, that mermaids definitely do have Vaginas, but curiously, they smell like chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/8 "2004-04-15T05:33:23Z")
My initial thought was that mermaids might have a cloaca like reptiles, amphibians, fish, etc. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/9 "2004-04-15T05:54:07Z")
We do have the Latin expression, from Homer’s _Ars Poetica_, “desinit in piscem mulier formosa superne” - the beautiful woman ends in a fish’s tail. It connotes disappointment. Draw your own conclusions. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/10 "2004-04-15T06:01:33Z")
Thanks. I’d just like to take this time to thank **GodSka** for the inspiration for the chum. Sea animals do love the liquid foods. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/11 "2004-04-15T06:09:10Z")
Transitioning from TurboTax to **Tentacle Monster** has just hammered home the fact I need to install the latest patch on my portal. Holie crap, this is gonna leave a mar… err… smirk. Warp speed, my friend. That’s what we’re reeling from… warp speed. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/12 "2004-04-15T06:35:43Z")
[Yes, the legs are human, but believe you me, the hoo-ha’s all mackerel!](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01amermaid.phtml) IOW, no. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/13 "2004-04-15T07:12:44Z")
There’s a fantasy author who mentioned this in one of his stories. If you guessed that it was Piers Anthony (the dirty old man) you’d be right. [Mercycle](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0441525628/qid=1082013099/sr=1-150/ref=sr_1_150/002-6356616-6544868?v=glance&s=books). At one point the mermaid bends over in front of the hero and … well in his universe they do. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/14 "2004-04-15T07:17:50Z")
I believe it was the Cat on Red Dwarf that pointed out that humans had mermaids the wrong way around. He preferred them as fish from the waist up and human from the waist down. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/15 "2004-04-15T12:57:37Z")
From the doper favorite, _Futurama_: > [@](#): > > [Scene: Umbriel’s Bedroom. Fry and Umbriel sit on her bed.] > > Fry: You know Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. > > Umbriel: Oh Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. > > [She gets under the sheet and her top floats away.] > > Fry: Mercy, I do believe I’m gettin’ the vapours! > > [He tears his clothes off and dives under the sheets. He and Umbriel kiss and her tail flaps around.] > > Umbriel: What the hell is that? > > Fry: Yeah I’m a little confused too. How do I…y’now…with the tail and all. > > Umbriel: I’m not your first am I? I mean, I lay my eggs and leave and you release your fertiliser. > > [Scene: Outside Colonel’s House. Fry runs away from the house at top speed.] > > Fry (gasping): Why couldn’t she be the other type of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/16 "2004-04-15T13:45:12Z")
\*\*Tentacle Monster \*\*, what color is the sky in your universe? 🙂 That was funny. \*\*Next on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, Mermaid Pron. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/17 "2004-04-15T13:49:35Z")
You people have too much spare time. Imagination being limitless, people have addressed this in all kinds of ways. A Playboy cartoon from the 1970s had a mermaid who was fish only from the tops of her thighs down. There’s an erotic artist on the Web who regularly draws Ariel with a removable fish tail. One episode of **Night Gallery** had a mermaid (switched by a magic potion) who was fish from the waist _up_ (as someone suggested above) and human below. I’m sure you can think of other scenarios that don’t require mermen to squirt milt over previously-laid Mer-eggs. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/18 "2004-04-15T14:04:16Z")
Years ago in Australia the Department of Motor Vehicles used to post inspectors on the highways. They were equiped with portable scales and would pull over and weigh passing trucks to ensure that they weren’t overloaded. The truck drivers used to refer to the inspectors as “mermaids” because they were “useless cunts with scales.” ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/19 "2004-04-15T14:17:00Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > My impression from the various merfolk/lorelei myths I’ve read is that mermaids have the ability to change, to facilitate seduction and eventual murder of innocent, unwary sailors. I don’t believe ‘mermen’ actually exist - mermaids are a militant feminist society who just use the innocent unwary sailors for sex - pass them around among their friends until they’ve all had enough - and then kill 'em off. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110/20 "2004-04-15T14:23:14Z")
:eek: I wasn’t on the board yesterday at all, and I completely had a “having sex with a hot mermaid” dream last night. This is really creepy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/do-mermaids-have-vaginas/240110.md?page=2)